Moping
So, I'm exiled once-again so that the Theta Chis can have chapter. Of course, this happens weekly, but meh.....
I like Theta Chi. I like them a lot. I like them so much that I rather frequently wish I could be a brother. This isn't the "man, Theta Chi's pretty cool, if I were a guy, I'd totally try to join" that it once was. This is a "I've found something in my relationship with the fraternity that I haven't found ever in any single body of people". If I had brothers, I'd want them to be like Theta Chi - I'd want to be in that fraternity.
Last semester, when initiation happened, I found myself feeling a profound loneliness. This, of course, was mildly normal as it took nearly all of my friends off the map for a night. This semester I think it'll be worse, especially as I've been sleeping in the house almost every other night this semester.
Which is something to address, and it's important. While I fully expect that, if I find myself single again while a student here, I will date another Theta Chi, this is because they're my friends. Rather than it being convenient for me to go to a mildly nerdy frat and pick up a date, it'd be more natural for me to pick up a guy who I know and trust. Also, people might think better of me for my current relationship than for past relationships. For all the joking and roughhousing and continuous threats against the other's health and well-being, it's actually a really good relationship. I'm *HAPPY*. (well, no, actually I'm quite stressed, thank you, but aside from the nights where I'm crashing and really need a good hug and a reboot (whether that be sex or just someone who'll pet my hair while I pretend to nap, who knows) I'm stressed with a smile on my face.) But at the same time, they're more than a dating pool. These are friends, and while they're not quite brothers in that it's not impossible for me to think of sleeping with/ dating them, they're not just friends, either.
Perhaps I wish I could join Theta Chi the same way I wish I could date Rochelle for real. Not a wild, longing thing - I certainly don't CRUSH on Rochelle, anymore, so much as an acknowledgement that it would generally be a really good thing for me and that we're really compatible.
... apparently, I want a penis.
I like Theta Chi. I like them a lot. I like them so much that I rather frequently wish I could be a brother. This isn't the "man, Theta Chi's pretty cool, if I were a guy, I'd totally try to join" that it once was. This is a "I've found something in my relationship with the fraternity that I haven't found ever in any single body of people". If I had brothers, I'd want them to be like Theta Chi - I'd want to be in that fraternity.
Last semester, when initiation happened, I found myself feeling a profound loneliness. This, of course, was mildly normal as it took nearly all of my friends off the map for a night. This semester I think it'll be worse, especially as I've been sleeping in the house almost every other night this semester.
Which is something to address, and it's important. While I fully expect that, if I find myself single again while a student here, I will date another Theta Chi, this is because they're my friends. Rather than it being convenient for me to go to a mildly nerdy frat and pick up a date, it'd be more natural for me to pick up a guy who I know and trust. Also, people might think better of me for my current relationship than for past relationships. For all the joking and roughhousing and continuous threats against the other's health and well-being, it's actually a really good relationship. I'm *HAPPY*. (well, no, actually I'm quite stressed, thank you, but aside from the nights where I'm crashing and really need a good hug and a reboot (whether that be sex or just someone who'll pet my hair while I pretend to nap, who knows) I'm stressed with a smile on my face.) But at the same time, they're more than a dating pool. These are friends, and while they're not quite brothers in that it's not impossible for me to think of sleeping with/ dating them, they're not just friends, either.
Perhaps I wish I could join Theta Chi the same way I wish I could date Rochelle for real. Not a wild, longing thing - I certainly don't CRUSH on Rochelle, anymore, so much as an acknowledgement that it would generally be a really good thing for me and that we're really compatible.
... apparently, I want a penis.