Cupcakes and a boyfriend
So it seems that everyone else has been slowly moving away from lj. While not exactly good, this certainly makes me feel better about my own slow sliiiiiiiiiiiiide away from regular posts. I WANT to post - I like having a journal of my life, or whatnot, but I just can't find the time all that often it seems.
Anyway, it's 4:25 AM, I have 8 cupcakes in the oven for a boy who gets back tomorrow and will likely get very little sleep (going to clean my stuff out of his room tomorrow morning and then frost the cupcakes). Things are good.
I mean. This relationship is probably going to be good. It's inconvenient - I went to a hookah bar today with the boy I'd been crushing on all of last semester and just sort of realized "wow, you're still really attractive" (I do that periodically). Still, I LIKE this one, and I'm probably going to keep him for a while. I feel bad, though, because I do the thing that's really easy to do. ("I like you, I want you to feel good, I want to MAKE you feel good, I'm going to initiate a sexual action now"). I do this relatively often. To the point that when we're just hanging around, there's not a lot of talking. This is mostly amusing because while sex with him is fun in a way it hasn't been in the past (not particularly GOOD - I don't have mind-blowing orgasms, no action feels like the most divine thing anyone's ever experienced - just fun), I like him for the conversation, the hanging out, the what you do with people when you're not sleeping, eating, or having sex with them. I just show my appreciation with sex.
More about fun - things with him... meh, he's not formulaic. He doesn't have his idea of a good time. I want to make him feel good, but I can play with him until I decide to do it. Playing is important (there's a huge transition ground between sex and not sex that's so fun to be in - when you know you're going to do something and it doesn't matter when but in the meantime things are just good).
... sorry, when to check on my invented cupcakes. A little spongy, but if that's the worse that happens with a made up recipe, I'm happy enough.
I guess it's also nice to be with a boy who doesn't tank my self esteem that often. Still manages to do it, but it should be considered that I'm actually pretty much at fault for that one - when a girl will spend weeks - months analyzing an event with no provocation, looking for the slightest indication that people dislike her, it's pretty damn hard not to tank their self esteem by accident sometimes. This is not something I do on purpose and it's REALLY hard to control.
There are other things, though. Sleeping with him as often as I do means I have a bed on the other side of campus, where I need/ want to be relatively often. It means other things, too, but oh well.
I like to think when I moved into his room for this break (the house was going to be relatively empty, I wanted a kitchen, he was going away) that his room became twice as nerdy. After all, a handful of math books, a computer with 3 versions of mathematica running and a handful of biology papers came with me. However, I realize I fail to take into account the PHB, built gaming rig, hundreds of magic cards (he plays professionally), and many math textbooks that were already there. Or, well, I did, but hey...
Cupcakes just came out of the oven.
I'll end this ramble with the fact that I got a new puppet and a new agave! woot!
Anyway, it's 4:25 AM, I have 8 cupcakes in the oven for a boy who gets back tomorrow and will likely get very little sleep (going to clean my stuff out of his room tomorrow morning and then frost the cupcakes). Things are good.
I mean. This relationship is probably going to be good. It's inconvenient - I went to a hookah bar today with the boy I'd been crushing on all of last semester and just sort of realized "wow, you're still really attractive" (I do that periodically). Still, I LIKE this one, and I'm probably going to keep him for a while. I feel bad, though, because I do the thing that's really easy to do. ("I like you, I want you to feel good, I want to MAKE you feel good, I'm going to initiate a sexual action now"). I do this relatively often. To the point that when we're just hanging around, there's not a lot of talking. This is mostly amusing because while sex with him is fun in a way it hasn't been in the past (not particularly GOOD - I don't have mind-blowing orgasms, no action feels like the most divine thing anyone's ever experienced - just fun), I like him for the conversation, the hanging out, the what you do with people when you're not sleeping, eating, or having sex with them. I just show my appreciation with sex.
More about fun - things with him... meh, he's not formulaic. He doesn't have his idea of a good time. I want to make him feel good, but I can play with him until I decide to do it. Playing is important (there's a huge transition ground between sex and not sex that's so fun to be in - when you know you're going to do something and it doesn't matter when but in the meantime things are just good).
... sorry, when to check on my invented cupcakes. A little spongy, but if that's the worse that happens with a made up recipe, I'm happy enough.
I guess it's also nice to be with a boy who doesn't tank my self esteem that often. Still manages to do it, but it should be considered that I'm actually pretty much at fault for that one - when a girl will spend weeks - months analyzing an event with no provocation, looking for the slightest indication that people dislike her, it's pretty damn hard not to tank their self esteem by accident sometimes. This is not something I do on purpose and it's REALLY hard to control.
There are other things, though. Sleeping with him as often as I do means I have a bed on the other side of campus, where I need/ want to be relatively often. It means other things, too, but oh well.
I like to think when I moved into his room for this break (the house was going to be relatively empty, I wanted a kitchen, he was going away) that his room became twice as nerdy. After all, a handful of math books, a computer with 3 versions of mathematica running and a handful of biology papers came with me. However, I realize I fail to take into account the PHB, built gaming rig, hundreds of magic cards (he plays professionally), and many math textbooks that were already there. Or, well, I did, but hey...
Cupcakes just came out of the oven.
I'll end this ramble with the fact that I got a new puppet and a new agave! woot!