General Update
I self-medicate with food, and I've been having a really hard time not stuffing myself to the point of real pain sometimes. I've been trying to be more active and bike more and lose weight for a long time, and I was getting somewhere this past spring and summer, but now, I don't know. I don't really know how to deal with what's going on in the US.
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I had a gender focused day a few days ago. Miriam and I drove to Tonawanda, NY to notarize and mail my affidavit to correct the sex on my birth certificate. I was waiting until I had documents to do a name change at the same time, but I decided it's time to get that done in light of current events. A friend there Miriam has known for a few years but whom we've never me in person helped tremendously. She then took me thrifting and was a huge help again in finding clothes, creating outfits, and getting them on me to try out. She's also talking about more thrifting and helping me put outfits together (which I've always had trouble with) and about helping me learn to dye my hair. I'm really excited about both of those things!
I found another weird irrational gender thing. I'm cleaning up, and crushing soda cans to fit in the small bin for recycling pickup here. Stepping on cans to crush, or actually, crushing them at all, them feels like a "guy" thing and makes me kind of dysphoric. I bought a wall-mounted can crusher, which does seem to help a lot. It also keeps empty cans from piling up all over, which is one less bit of debris to get in my way. There is *a lot* of stuff to get in my way down here. I'm working on it, but it's pretty stressful.
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Despite the state of the world, we need to keep taking care of ourselves. I need to keep taking care of myself. It's hard.
I got the flu and Covid vaccines on Tuesday. As always, I have no reaction at all (other than minor local muscle soreness which was gone the next day) to them, which always makes me wonder if they're effective. But I got them.
To sign up for the vaccinations, I had to list previous shots, and which vaccines they were. I can't remember details like that! I had the two original ones in the Netherlands, and a booster in SK before I had a health card so none of those are on any official record I can access. I gave approximate dates, and for the kind of vaccine, I wrote "I can't remember." That was apparently good enough.
Honestly, I was kind of annoyed when I've been asked which kind I wanted. I had the option in Regina, and I said that I didn't care, and they told me I had to choose one, but didn't have any information about the differences. What information am I supposed to use to choose one, if I haven't been keeping up with the literature? Isn't this what medical professionals are supposed to do?
It's good for folks who have knowledge and want options to have them, but the medical professionals are supposed to give me the best preventative available based on their knowledge and judgement, not based on my knowledge and judgment! I am not a medical professional! I actually trust experts, unlike a disturbing number of people out there who seem to think Youtube videos are the equivalent of professional knowledge.
A friend on FB said that the vaccines are of similar efficacy but some people have a strong reaction to one or another, and in that sense it's a matter of personal choice. I wish staff would have told me that. It made me kind of anxious to choose one without any data to make that choice with, and this process should be as easy as possible to get the most people to do it.
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On a happy note, four or five months ago, when I was looking for a swimsuit for the first time, I was terrified. I almost couldn't get myself to go to a store in person, but Miriam helped and encouraged me, and I felt pretty safe at Torrid, and I bought a one-piece swimsuit with a fairly modest skirt. I ended up really loving it.
And today? I am the proud owner of a two piece string bikini and bottom set. I will only be wearing that one around people I feel safe with, but I really love it too! And though Miriam came with, I was able to go into a women's clothing store that was *not* Torrid, and just look around and try stuff on.
Sometimes, something reminds me of the vast amount of progress I've made over the last years.
Not everyone wants to see pics like that, but if you do, let me know how to send them to you? I like sharing...