Is there such a thing as a healthy adversion to society?

[storm_daughter]

I can't help but wonder if the reason I constantly feel uncomfortable in a strictly social setting is because I'm secretly hurting beyond understanding. I mean, I don't really feel "lonely". I feel like I could be missing something, but only because most other people seem to like it and crave it so much. It is, after all, natural instinct. I feel

Comments

[aporiaaporia]

There's nothing unhealthy about being an introvert. I consider myself one, though I'm probably not as strongly introverted as you. But do you really only see people as means? Even really close friends, like your sisters or Drew?

[aporiaaporia]

I ask only because it reminded me of a passage I translated from the Latin once, in Cicero's "On Friendship". Here it is in English.

[storm_daughter]

Ah, I see. In response, I would say that there is no separation. We love that which we need, and loving what we need is our nature, not just spontaneous unfounded love. Otherwise we would be in danger of spontaneously loving what is deadly to us (which we do not). Love and need go hand in hand, like a dipole.

As far as I'm concerned, the only way to love truly is to know why you love and believe that it is a good and selfish reason. I've always known that, just not in so many words, which is why I know I'm right.

To think you need something you do not love is to lie to yourself in the most abhorable way possible. The reverse is also true.

[storm_daughter]

(this is because humans have the capability to use logic to defy their nature. In some cases, like writing and saving food for tomorrow, its good. In some ways, like shooting yourself in the face, its bad.)

I made a new word! abhorable! Morphology, bitches!

[storm_daughter]

Yes, I really do. They are a means to fulfilling my need for companionship. Being nice is a means to getting what I want and feeling like I deserve it. And also feeling like a good person, but thats just because they go hand in hand. I care about them because of their value to me. If I said or believed anything else it would be a disservice to both them and myself. Mostly myself (because doing a disservice to them then disservices me).

[storm_daughter]

If that makes me a terrible monster in the eyes of humanity, then I can't help it. I know I'm right in a way that they have very little hope of ever swaying me.

[aporiaaporia]

Trust me, I'm really not saying you're a monster. I was simply curious if that was really how you conceived of your friendships. I don't think I have similar experiences in my own relationships, but I don't think that makes you a monster at all.

[storm_daughter]

and by the way, thanks.