[151] Rex talks a lot. // Voice.
[Filtered to Friennnnds*]
[Throughout most of this, Rex sounds pretty calm and ~thoughtful~, rather than his usual rageful when he makes speeches.]
Do you know why I chose Sveta for my nanomites? She was one of the first wardens injected, if I remember correctly. [He pauses, thinking about how he wants to phrase this.] It wasn't just to incapacitate the infirmary, and it wasn't for revenge, exactly. It was because I knew, no matter what she said or did, the wardens would believe her. She could get away with anything. Even if she did something in plain view, she could get away with it. She would just be... absolved. Forgiven. Instantly.
It made her an extremely valuable agent.
[Pause.]
I don't like her, but I don't hate her, either, not even after this. I see some of myself in her. All of the lies, the two-faced smiles, the secret resentment and hatred. I can relate.
I wasn't known for being violent before my strike against the Barge. My record was... largely clean, barring a few missteps. But, like her, I was angry, and I was tired, and I just wanted to be finished with this miserable place. Like her, I lashed out, and yes, I blamed others for it. The wardens who were always so quick to condemn me, despite the efforts I'd made to seem like the model inmate. And, worse than them, the ones who just didn't care, who, through their apathy, treated crimes against me as lesser than crimes against others. I wanted to put a face to my hatred, so I did. It was... easier than admitting that maybe, maybe I am-- [He chuckles bitterly.] completely screwed up.
It took me some time to come to terms with that. And I understand why some people are still angry with me and why I wasn't forgiven immediately. I never expected to be forgiven just for saying the words "I'm sorry."
[ANOTHER PAUSE.]
What I want to know is... Why-- after showing everybody just how very like me she is-- is Sveta treated like the victim here? Why was it so important to talk her down humanely, while I was locked in a cell and restrained with scrap metal until I gave up the nanomites' kill switch? Do you really think, if people felt like they had to kill me to stop me, that there would have been this much of an effort to comfort me after I'd been revived? Or any sadness at all, except from... two people, maybe.
Why is it understandable when she lashes out? Why do people apologize to her, make sure she's feeling better, while there are those who are hurting because of what she did? Why were people's fears written off as stupid by some of the wardens?
And why was it worse for me to blame the wardens than it was for her to blame everybody, including a teenage girl she'd never even met before? We were both similarly furious and lashing out.
She revealed herself to be every bit as resentful and angry and fake as I was, and people still give her the benefit of the doubt! She can claim it was an accident and apologize, and that's it! Everybody pats her on the head and moves on. There won't be any calls for her blood like there was mine. Nobody's telling her how grateful she should be that they're not hurting her or torturing her, when I had several wardens telling me that!
[Whoops, going into histrionic mode!]
It's not that I want her to get shunned or-- or hurt or anything. I don't. And I know that there were people who forgave me immediately, too. But that's... all she's getting. She's getting nothing but forgiveness, understanding, where I still had the fallout of other people's hatred, resentment, anger. I had to deal with them coming and threatening me even after the threat was neutralized, or laugh and purposefully misconstrue every single thing I said. I had calls for my blood-- for my pets' blood-- and I was killed for entertainment on camera!
[He stops, calming himself.]
I've asked, several times, why some people are more deserving of empathy than others. Why the wardens will bend over backwards to understand some, but won't give the same effort to others. Why there are good victims and bad victims. And every time, I'm told that I'm wrong, it's not like that, I'm paranoid or stupid or whiny. But then something like this happens.
Why should I buy into this system when all I see, over and over again, are some people being treated as more deserving of kindness, forgiveness, understanding than others? All I've learned is that you can commit any crime you want, so long as you're nice enough.
Do you really think what she did won't get swept under the rug?
[OOC: *Friends being anybody with which Rex has had more than one serious, honest conversation-- without extenuating circumstances like floods, V or bouts of crazy. Also, his warden. BASICALLY, people he feels comfortable enough to be open with. I don't want to list out specific names, because I'm a bit scatter brained and know I'll forget folks, SO ASK IF YOU'RE UNSURE :B EDIT: Basically, if he's opened enough to actually talk about the nanomites/how he tried to kill everyone, that means you're more likely to be on the filter. He's not quite ready to show his homicidal side to his newer pals yet.
PS Rex mentally sets people up to fail (see: DUUUKE). Right now, he's basically set up the entire Barge system to fail in his head. If they had gone and ripped Sveta apart over this, he still would be all >C over the Barge. IT'S HOW HE ROLLS.]
[Throughout most of this, Rex sounds pretty calm and ~thoughtful~, rather than his usual rageful when he makes speeches.]
Do you know why I chose Sveta for my nanomites? She was one of the first wardens injected, if I remember correctly. [He pauses, thinking about how he wants to phrase this.] It wasn't just to incapacitate the infirmary, and it wasn't for revenge, exactly. It was because I knew, no matter what she said or did, the wardens would believe her. She could get away with anything. Even if she did something in plain view, she could get away with it. She would just be... absolved. Forgiven. Instantly.
It made her an extremely valuable agent.
[Pause.]
I don't like her, but I don't hate her, either, not even after this. I see some of myself in her. All of the lies, the two-faced smiles, the secret resentment and hatred. I can relate.
I wasn't known for being violent before my strike against the Barge. My record was... largely clean, barring a few missteps. But, like her, I was angry, and I was tired, and I just wanted to be finished with this miserable place. Like her, I lashed out, and yes, I blamed others for it. The wardens who were always so quick to condemn me, despite the efforts I'd made to seem like the model inmate. And, worse than them, the ones who just didn't care, who, through their apathy, treated crimes against me as lesser than crimes against others. I wanted to put a face to my hatred, so I did. It was... easier than admitting that maybe, maybe I am-- [He chuckles bitterly.] completely screwed up.
It took me some time to come to terms with that. And I understand why some people are still angry with me and why I wasn't forgiven immediately. I never expected to be forgiven just for saying the words "I'm sorry."
[ANOTHER PAUSE.]
What I want to know is... Why-- after showing everybody just how very like me she is-- is Sveta treated like the victim here? Why was it so important to talk her down humanely, while I was locked in a cell and restrained with scrap metal until I gave up the nanomites' kill switch? Do you really think, if people felt like they had to kill me to stop me, that there would have been this much of an effort to comfort me after I'd been revived? Or any sadness at all, except from... two people, maybe.
Why is it understandable when she lashes out? Why do people apologize to her, make sure she's feeling better, while there are those who are hurting because of what she did? Why were people's fears written off as stupid by some of the wardens?
And why was it worse for me to blame the wardens than it was for her to blame everybody, including a teenage girl she'd never even met before? We were both similarly furious and lashing out.
She revealed herself to be every bit as resentful and angry and fake as I was, and people still give her the benefit of the doubt! She can claim it was an accident and apologize, and that's it! Everybody pats her on the head and moves on. There won't be any calls for her blood like there was mine. Nobody's telling her how grateful she should be that they're not hurting her or torturing her, when I had several wardens telling me that!
[Whoops, going into histrionic mode!]
It's not that I want her to get shunned or-- or hurt or anything. I don't. And I know that there were people who forgave me immediately, too. But that's... all she's getting. She's getting nothing but forgiveness, understanding, where I still had the fallout of other people's hatred, resentment, anger. I had to deal with them coming and threatening me even after the threat was neutralized, or laugh and purposefully misconstrue every single thing I said. I had calls for my blood-- for my pets' blood-- and I was killed for entertainment on camera!
[He stops, calming himself.]
I've asked, several times, why some people are more deserving of empathy than others. Why the wardens will bend over backwards to understand some, but won't give the same effort to others. Why there are good victims and bad victims. And every time, I'm told that I'm wrong, it's not like that, I'm paranoid or stupid or whiny. But then something like this happens.
Why should I buy into this system when all I see, over and over again, are some people being treated as more deserving of kindness, forgiveness, understanding than others? All I've learned is that you can commit any crime you want, so long as you're nice enough.
Do you really think what she did won't get swept under the rug?
[OOC: *Friends being anybody with which Rex has had more than one serious, honest conversation-- without extenuating circumstances like floods, V or bouts of crazy. Also, his warden. BASICALLY, people he feels comfortable enough to be open with. I don't want to list out specific names, because I'm a bit scatter brained and know I'll forget folks, SO ASK IF YOU'RE UNSURE :B EDIT: Basically, if he's opened enough to actually talk about the nanomites/how he tried to kill everyone, that means you're more likely to be on the filter. He's not quite ready to show his homicidal side to his newer pals yet.
PS Rex mentally sets people up to fail (see: DUUUKE). Right now, he's basically set up the entire Barge system to fail in his head. If they had gone and ripped Sveta apart over this, he still would be all >C over the Barge. IT'S HOW HE ROLLS.]