WICHITA! Come over and see my snake! You can help me name him.
[Pause. Oblivious to the fact that what he just said sounds kind of weird, then he begins to EXCITEDLY and drunkenly expound upon this.]
He's a Children's python! They're the world's, uhhh... SECOND smallest python! I think. Now-- and this is really fascinating-- the name comes from a British Museum curator, John... George... George John? No, no... John George Children and not the snake's small size!
Or maybe it was both... Zoologists really love their puns...
Anyway, the Children's python comes from Australia and they can eat bats. Do we have any bats here?
[Pause. Thinking up more snake facts.]
Hm. What else... Although full grown-- or nearly full grown-- he can fit in my hand. Isn't that just... precious?
Still... Wish I had a cobra. I used to have one, you know. Well, three, actually. King cobras, affectionately dubbed "nature's grim reaper." Beautiful... They were my pets, not like all the guinea pigs I kept. It was so fun, making the Neo-Vipers handle them.... [SIGH.] But they all perished when HQ blew up, thanks to the Joes' meddling.
[Another pause. He should end this on an important note.]
I think I'm drunk.
[OOC: HARPER GOT REX REALLY DRUNK. Normally, when he drinks, he's far away from his communicator, so it doesn't matter. But not this time. SORRY FOR ALL THE EDITS CHANGING THE CONTENT OF THIS POST I'm super tired why am I posting
Edit:
LOOOOK. Cutest snakes ever.]