(no subject)
If you're reading this, then either you've broken into my house and gotten past the traps, you bastard, or you're me. Either way you'll be reading this anyway, so I'll go on.
If you are me, then you're wondering whether or not you can trust this is actually you writing it. Fair enough, so let me prove it. You've got a scar down the side curving around your ribcage, and another scar that looks like an eye with a tail on the inside of your wrist. You've got a bit of a trick shoulder you have to click into place every now and then, and you're probably really craving a drink right now, but you'll choose to go have a smoke instead. If you run too hard, your chest will start to hurt, you can try it out if you want. You hate kings, and your first meal here was probably a bacon sandwich. This place looks strange to you on the account of the fact that you're used to a great big dirty monster of a city filled with pollution. There, that should be enough to convince you.
This is the beginning of what you need to know. If anything looks blurry, it’s this place doing it to you, not the letter. When you first came here, you called yourself Stoneface, but your real name is Samuel Vimes. You’re from the city of Ankh-Morpork and you were the Commander of the Watch there, badge 144. You have a wife, Sybil and a son whose name you don’t know. And make no mistake, you want to get back to them but you do the job in front of you. And you’re a duke, somehow, whether you like it or not. You’ve only met one other person here from your world, going by the name of Elsa but she disappeared. You’ve been here for over two years, but make no mistake, this isn’t home. That house on the hill in Ankh Morpork, that’s home. For now, though, this place is your beat.
Here’s what you need to know about this place and the people in it. First of all, if you have questions or need help, go see Handmaiden. She’s your second in command, and she’s going to be one of your most reliable sources of information. She’s a good watchman, and that tells you all you need to know. Most of your watchmen are reliable. There’s Gai, who used to be an assassin but isn’t in any of that anymore. He seems a bit dim, but he’s sharper than he looks. There’s Reed, who talks funny but he’s got a keen mind to him. You’ve known Sky for two years now, and he’s young but good at what he does. You take good care of him. Your forensics unit is made up of one person, and that’s Rosalind. She’s just a kid, but she’s bright. You take care of her too.
Outside of the Watch, you’ve got Krile, who runs the Weapons Stall. She’s the best thing there is in this place and has a habit of biting off more than she can chew, so she’s one to keep an eye on. Target and Bastet are the Captains of the Adventurers and the Guard respectively, and you can trust those two with your life. Paladin, a Guard, has gotten you out of more than a few bad situations. Those are the important people to you that are still here, and I suppose that’s all that’s worth talking about.
Except for two others. You’ll see their picture in that locket there. The boy’s Ghost and the girl is Blood. Ghost disappeared first, and then after you took Blood in, she did too. If they ever come back again, it’s your responsibility to keep up with them, you got that?
Those are the people you can trust, but there’s plenty of ‘em that you can’t. Zombie’s a skinny, white haired bastard with a double personality. He shot a whole bunch of people in the Bazaar. P/Raise was here for a while, and came back as Dyad and he killed you. One green eye, one silver eye and a double personality again. Then there’s Black and Juliet. Juliet’s reformed, but you don’t trust her, and Black has a habit of making thinly veiled threats to whoever he doesn’t like. Lots of people don’t like you. A surprising amount of them do. You’ll learn.
There’s the people. Now for where you fit in. You’re the Captain of the Watch here, and you helped build it from the ground up along with Justice (also known as Edgeworth) and Truth, who’s gone now. You should know this by now, but you’ve made it your job to uphold whatever law you can hold onto here. Try to remember that justice is protecting the innocent, not punishing the guilty and you should do just fine. You’ve got a dog there to take care of, ‘cos you found him and didn’t have the heart to give him away. You’ve got a cat too, Ingvar, but he’s a right bastard and you’re only taking care of him for Ghost and Blood. What people are telling you is true. You're stuck here, people disappear at random and come back from death with or without their memories. Just because other people might not know more doesn't mean you don't go and try and find out, you just have to be bloody well smart about it or else you'll be dead without a funeral.
You have a silver cigar case from Sybil that I hope is still in your desk somewhere. Keep it shined. You’ve also got a picture book called Where’s My Cow?, which you used to read to your son, and then used to read to Blood. A more detailed account of the people who are gone now, your memories and things you need to know are in the other letter. This letter’s fine, but keep the other one hidden and set up the traps again if you know what’s good for you.
Don’t mess up.
Vimes