Existential BS...
Okay, I have to ask this question, because it's something that is on my mind a lot...
Does anybody else ever feel like there is no point to their life?
I mean, seriously. This isn't me being depressed and moody... well, maybe a little bit. But I'm serious. I think about my future, and what I'm working my ass off in college for, and most of the time I don't really understand why I'm bothering. I'm almost 30 years old. My life has never really been under my control. I'm busting my butt in college to get a degree so that I can spend the next however many years of my life working to make money to pay for the things I need to keep myself alive so... what? So I can keep working to keep paying for the things to keep me alive so that I can keep working? Seems like a futile cycle.
I'm never going to fall in love, get married or have children. I'm never going to change the world. I sincerely doubt that I'll ever be truly content with my life. At this point, the only thing I really have to live for is to pay off my debts so that when I die, whoever I leave behind doesn't get stuck with my bills. The only people who ever call me are my parents and the Red Cross. The only people who talk to me on a regular basis are my twin sister, who spends most of our conversations talking about video games or her daughter, and a guy I've never met except online who lives halfway across the country. Nobody really needs me, and most of the time I get the impression that I wouldn't be missed all that much or for all that long if I wasn't here.
Does anyone else ever feel this way?
Does anybody else ever feel like there is no point to their life?
I mean, seriously. This isn't me being depressed and moody... well, maybe a little bit. But I'm serious. I think about my future, and what I'm working my ass off in college for, and most of the time I don't really understand why I'm bothering. I'm almost 30 years old. My life has never really been under my control. I'm busting my butt in college to get a degree so that I can spend the next however many years of my life working to make money to pay for the things I need to keep myself alive so... what? So I can keep working to keep paying for the things to keep me alive so that I can keep working? Seems like a futile cycle.
I'm never going to fall in love, get married or have children. I'm never going to change the world. I sincerely doubt that I'll ever be truly content with my life. At this point, the only thing I really have to live for is to pay off my debts so that when I die, whoever I leave behind doesn't get stuck with my bills. The only people who ever call me are my parents and the Red Cross. The only people who talk to me on a regular basis are my twin sister, who spends most of our conversations talking about video games or her daughter, and a guy I've never met except online who lives halfway across the country. Nobody really needs me, and most of the time I get the impression that I wouldn't be missed all that much or for all that long if I wasn't here.
Does anyone else ever feel this way?