RP: Bowling with the Boys

[shh_kingsley]

Date: 22 June 2005
Characters: Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ernie Macmillan, Ron Weasley
Location: Five Alarm, then Exeter
Status: Private
Summary: Kingsley, Ernie and Ron on bowling, beer and birds.
Completion: Complete

Comments

[shh_kingsley]

"Slow down, Ernie. We'll have to carry you home to Elle and I don't think she'd like that." He shot Ernie a crooked smile. "You're shocked? Imagine how I felt when she brought up the idea? Look, I know I'm not young anymore, but I'm not so sure she's been a kid since she left Hogwarts. In many ways, Susan seems more mature than I am."

"I reckon we all do at that." He picked up his glass again took a drink. "You know, I'm counting on you two blokes for advice. I'm a bit out of my element. I'm also hoping we can keep this between us for awhile. I'd rather not spread it around until we've had more time to see if this has a chance, you know."

[shh_ron]

"Yeah, 'spose we've all had to grow up a lot in some ways," Ron observed. "Sometimes I feel like I'm about 40 -- no offense, Kings -- but other times I feel like I'm still only 18. I'm sort of retarded around women so I'm lucky Lavender was willing to give me another chance."

"Advice?" Ron's ears perked up. "You mean about women?" He snorted. "Damned if I know. I'm still trying to figure out what she sees in me. Sometimes I look at her and think, blimey, she must be mental."

[shh_ernie]

The food needed to come soon as Ernie was beginning to feel the effects of draining half a glass of ale. Deciding that he wouldn't drink any more until the chicken arrived, at least, he pushed his glass away.

"You think that too?" Ernie asked Ron in disbelief. "Eleanor keeps wondering why people tell me that I'm the lucky one. As if it isn't completely obvious that she's...what's that muggle expression...'out of my league.'"

He looked at Kingsley. "I try to muddle through as best I can. And believe me, I've made some rather bad mistakes." He traced a finger through the puddle his glass had made on the table. "Not the least of which is proposing when we thought she was pregnant." His head snapped up. "Please don't mention to her that I told you that. I'm certain she'd be mortified."

[shh_kingsley]

The chicken wings showed up and Kingsley asked for pitcher of water and more napkins.

He was actually relieved to hear that both Ron and Ernie seemed to think they were lucky to have the women they did. "I thought I was the only one who thought 'what in the world would she want with me?' but it looks like I'm not. I'd question her sanity except she's one of the most grounded people I've ever met."

Kingsley's head popped up when Ernie mentioned pregnancy. He didn't think he was ready to share Susan's desire for a family, or the close call he had, but he wondered about Ernie's. "You proposed?"

[shh_ernie]

Ernie ate a chicken wing or two. It likely wasn't the smartest thing he'd done, blurting out their private life like that. But he needed to talk to someone. And he was feeling slightly tipsy.

"Er...yes. I did. Right on the big bridge on Alpha. She...er...turned me down." He shrugged. "Said she didn't want a proposal because of that. But...I still maintain it was the right thing to do. You get married and then you have children. Even if I've no clue what to do with a child. I understand why she said no, I reckon." His voice looped up a bit on the last part of his sentence, turning it into a questio, without him meaning.

The server came with water and Ernie poured himself a glass, gulping it down. He felt a bit better now. "Then we had a...fight...well, I was a git and she left. Took us three days to fix things. But it's going well now. We've moved in and...we've talked about getting married." Realizing, he'd been rambling, he swallowed and blushed. "Er...sorry...we're supposed to be talking about you and Susan, Kingsley."

[shh_ron]

"So I reckon it's fairly normal for a bloke to wonder why the hell a bird stays with him," Ron mused, munching on a chicken wing. "I wondered if I was the only one who thought that. Good to know it's not so unusual

[shh_kingsley]

Kingsley was relieved that his coffee colored skin didn't show a blush... at least not much and the pizza place wasn't the most brightly lit place, so he was safe. He thought so anyway until he asked, "Are you using condoms or something else?" right as the waiter appeared with a younger female server with their pizzas. This time he was positive his blush could be seen by everyone in the place. He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose

[shh_ernie]

"We...er...were using the..." He glanced around to make sure no one was listening. "...charm." He reached for the slice of the cheese and tomato. "Don't by the way. Mediwitch Tonks told us it's useless." He took a bite. The pizza was good. Greasy, but not too much. And they used garlic in the sauce. "Elle's on a...pill. I don't understand how it works. Said it's something to do with...hormones?"

He smirked at Ron a bit. "Don't miss out on the...er...heat...and such." Eleanor would kill him if she ever overheard him talking like this. He focused on eating his pizza. Once his first slice was gone, he reached for a slice of pineapple and everything else. Steeling himself, he took a bite. It wasn't half-bad. The sweetness of the pineapple cut the saltiness of the sausage. Hmmm...

"As for getting her to relax..." Ernie shrugged. "Elle works at the Bookshop and then works at her shop. She's opening a soap shop by the way. I..." He cleared his throat. "Er...spending 'time' together seems to help her relax some." Hopefully, they'd get his

[shh_ron]

"Ohhhh..." Ron caught on to Ernie's caution. "Right. Nope, just condoms for us. They've worked fine so far." He decided against telling them about the gift basket Hermione gave him before Christmas when she realised he was becoming sexually active and wanted him to have protection. He'd turned 10 shades of red receiving it and even now, more than six months later, he might still turn red talking about it. Not to mention Hermione would kill him if she heard that he'd mentioned it. "Don't know anything about any pills. Lavender says there's a potion but it's in really short supply because of the war. Reckon I should tell the twins they should carry it at their apothecary

[shh_kingsley]

"I reckon if the hospital and those brothers of yours don't have it, it isn't easily got." He wondered if he could convince Susan to take the pill. Probably not. She was still pretty set on children. He just wished he understood why she'd want his babies but not want to marry him. It was like Ernie said, you get married and then you have children.

Kingsley was amused by Ron's enthusiasm. He agreed though that the pineapple was an interesting touch as he polished off his third slice of pizza.

Thinking about Susan and getting her to relax, made Kingsley think about their bowling date. "How do you tell if she is really enjoying herself and not just pretending?"

[shh_ernie]

Ernie grinned in agreement with Ron. "I've never had pizza with pineapple on it before this. But it works with the sausage. I'll have to try it at home and see if I can replicate it. The sauce is also very good. A touch of garlic, I reckon. And the mushrooms are fresh. Not canned. All in all, very good. Thanks for taking us here, Ron."

He was half-way through his slice when Kingsley asked...that. He managed to swallow what was in his mouth without choking. Surely, Kingsley Shacklebolt--Auror Extraordinaire--was, er, experienced? Talking about birds was one thing. Did he really need sex advice of that kind?

Ernie glanced at Ron and then back at Kingsley. "Well, there's some...physical things...that happen? Plus, if she's...er...vocal, she should tell you. You and Susan...haven't...yet?" He tugged at his collar, feeling the blood rush to his face.

[shh_ron]

"No problem, Ernie. This place is too good not to share with friends."

Ron began eating his third slice of the combination pizza when Kingsley asked "How do you tell if she is really enjoying herself and not just pretending?" The bite of pizza in his mouth went down his throat the wrong way and Ron began to sputter and cough.

"Uh...ack...sorry, um, you, um, like Ernie said. Lots of noise is usually a tip-off. Least it has been for me." Ron finally gained control of his tongue enough so he didn't say the next thing on his mind, If she's not noisy I think I'm not doing it right.

[shh_kingsley]

Kingsley nodded his agreement about the pizza place. "It is good."

After asking about how to tell if your date was really enjoying herself or not, Kingsley decided it was safe to go back to his beer. How wrong he was. Ron started to choke on his food and Ernie was turning nine shades of red and sputtering something about physical... oh, God, no. They thought he was asking about sex?

"Whoa! How the bloody hell did you two take a question about how to tell if a bird was enjoying herself on a date, to mean how to tell when she's having an orgasm?" Just as the last six words escaped his mouth, the noise in the pizza parlor wound down until what he said came out loud and oh, so fucking, clear. Everyone in the place turned and stared at him. Fuck. Just... fuck. Kingsley dropped his head in his hands. "Can one of you see if we can get the rest of this to go while I dig a hole and bury myself in it?"

[shh_ernie]

If Ernie's face were red before, it was positively flaming now. "Well...er..." Ron had made the same assumption. "We were just talking about...er..." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "...contraceptives. And, er, spending time together was a euphemism, you know, for..." Glancing around, he caught several people looking at them. He glared and they busied themselves with their food once again. "Sex." This last word was said in the quietest tone that was still in the range of human hearing.

Ernie waved to the waiter and, when he approached, asked if they could get their pizza to go. "As for your actual question, er, if she smiles a lot while you're on your date, laughs--real laughs, not those fake girl-y laughs--then she's probably having a good time. And, for your information, Susan Bones doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. So if she bowled with you, she wanted to bowl with you."

[shh_ron]

Somehow, Ron realised, he and Ernie had got totally the wrong impression of what Kingsley wanted to know. When those last six words came out of Kingsley's mouth and everyone looked at them, Ron felt his face glow like a burning bush.

Oh bloody fuck... Everyone was staring at them. Kingsley's head was in his hands, Ernie was muttering apologies and asking to take the pizza away with them...and Ron felt about as stupid as he'd felt in many years.

"Jesus, Kingsley, I'm sorry," he muttered, trying not to look at the other man's face. "Dunno why...simple mistake...not usually this thick..." Something about emotional range of a teaspoon came into his mind just then. Ron was sure this was going to be the first and last time he would ever hang out with Kingsley Shacklebolt. They'd be lucky if he let them go bowling with him now. "I'll...um... I know the way home." If he didn't think Kingsley and Ernie would have to Obliviate everyone in the restaurant, he would have Disapparated right then.

[shh_kingsley]

"Don't worry about it. I was still thinking about the bowling date and you two were thinking about... other things. It wasn't all that thick come to think of it." Chuckling, he added, "Don't be silly, Ron. No one ever died of embarrassment. Think of it this way, those teenagers over there have a great story to share with their mates tomorrow. But I think we'd best settle up and be on our way before that table of ladies in the corner, whispering furiously between themselves, decide they want to want to get to know us better