RP: Bowling with the Boys

[shh_kingsley]

Date: 22 June 2005
Characters: Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ernie Macmillan, Ron Weasley
Location: Five Alarm, then Exeter
Status: Private
Summary: Kingsley, Ernie and Ron on bowling, beer and birds.
Completion: Complete

Comments

[shh_ron]

"So I reckon it's fairly normal for a bloke to wonder why the hell a bird stays with him," Ron mused, munching on a chicken wing. "I wondered if I was the only one who thought that. Good to know it's not so unusual."

Ernie's admission, though, was even more shocking than Kingsley's. "You proposed because you thought she was pregnant?" He let out a deep breath. "Bugger, am I glad we always use protection. Well, almost always." Now he was revealing too much but his tongue wouldn't stop moving. "Well, you're blokes, you know how it is. Sometimes you just have to feel all that...heat...and wetness."

He could feel himself turning bright red, but he couldn't exactly take the words back, and it wasn't like he was describing any particular incidents. He was relieved when server came by and gave them water. He decided to stop drinking beer for awhile, remembering Lavender's warning about no "fun" later on if he got too pissed. She didn't need to threaten, really; he knew he'd be crap in bed if he was too drunk and he definitely didn't want that.

"Me and Lavender have been lucky so far, I guess," he went on, his face finally feeling less like an erupting volcano. "No big fights yet, hardly even any disagreements. I keep wondering when we'll have a big blowup." He shrugged then drank some water. "Maybe I should just be happy things are good and not worry about it. But yeah, we're supposed to be talking about Kingsley and Susan." He gave Kingsley a long look. "So...anything else you want to know? Like me and Ernie are experts or something."

[shh_kingsley]

Kingsley was relieved that his coffee colored skin didn't show a blush... at least not much and the pizza place wasn't the most brightly lit place, so he was safe. He thought so anyway until he asked, "Are you using condoms or something else?" right as the waiter appeared with a younger female server with their pizzas. This time he was positive his blush could be seen by everyone in the place. He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Deciding water might be best for him too, he took his own glass before taking a slice of the pizza with the pineapple. "Do Lavender or Eleanor talk about wanting kids soon?" He asked casually, he wondered if Susan's comment about prime bearing years was a common feeling among women like not being good enough was among the men.

"No worries, Ernie. This is actually helpful in a way, too. It's good to hear about both of you."

He smiled at Ron's comment. "Mostly I'd like to know how to keep her happy and maybe get her to relax a bit. Although she did. Susan came out and bowled with me. She was pretty good too. She's very focused. I'm not sure if she enjoyed herself, but she tried."

[shh_ernie]

"We...er...were using the..." He glanced around to make sure no one was listening. "...charm." He reached for the slice of the cheese and tomato. "Don't by the way. Mediwitch Tonks told us it's useless." He took a bite. The pizza was good. Greasy, but not too much. And they used garlic in the sauce. "Elle's on a...pill. I don't understand how it works. Said it's something to do with...hormones?"

He smirked at Ron a bit. "Don't miss out on the...er...heat...and such." Eleanor would kill him if she ever overheard him talking like this. He focused on eating his pizza. Once his first slice was gone, he reached for a slice of pineapple and everything else. Steeling himself, he took a bite. It wasn't half-bad. The sweetness of the pineapple cut the saltiness of the sausage. Hmmm...

"As for getting her to relax..." Ernie shrugged. "Elle works at the Bookshop and then works at her shop. She's opening a soap shop by the way. I..." He cleared his throat. "Er...spending 'time' together seems to help her relax some." Hopefully, they'd get his drift.

[shh_ron]

"Ohhhh..." Ron caught on to Ernie's caution. "Right. Nope, just condoms for us. They've worked fine so far." He decided against telling them about the gift basket Hermione gave him before Christmas when she realised he was becoming sexually active and wanted him to have protection. He'd turned 10 shades of red receiving it and even now, more than six months later, he might still turn red talking about it. Not to mention Hermione would kill him if she heard that he'd mentioned it. "Don't know anything about any pills. Lavender says there's a potion but it's in really short supply because of the war. Reckon I should tell the twins they should carry it at their apothecary."

With the pizza finally arrived, Ron concentrated on eating. The cheese and tomato was fine, very basic, but the sausage/mushroom/green pepper and pineapple pizza was truly great food. "Bloody hell, that's amazing," he said, licking a piece of mushroom off the corner of his mouth. "The pineapple tastes great with the sausage, yeah?"

"Oh, Lavender's pretty good at relaxing," he observed. "The last month or so we've been spending all weekend together. She's training to become a midwife, see, and it's really intense, so she tells me, and she just really needs a long break at the end of the week. I do my best to distract her. Yeah, 'spending time together' is good for that." He raised an eyebrow at Ernie, who apparently was thinking of the same sort of time.

[shh_kingsley]

"I reckon if the hospital and those brothers of yours don't have it, it isn't easily got." He wondered if he could convince Susan to take the pill. Probably not. She was still pretty set on children. He just wished he understood why she'd want his babies but not want to marry him. It was like Ernie said, you get married and then you have children.

Kingsley was amused by Ron's enthusiasm. He agreed though that the pineapple was an interesting touch as he polished off his third slice of pizza.

Thinking about Susan and getting her to relax, made Kingsley think about their bowling date. "How do you tell if she is really enjoying herself and not just pretending?"

[shh_ernie]

Ernie grinned in agreement with Ron. "I've never had pizza with pineapple on it before this. But it works with the sausage. I'll have to try it at home and see if I can replicate it. The sauce is also very good. A touch of garlic, I reckon. And the mushrooms are fresh. Not canned. All in all, very good. Thanks for taking us here, Ron."

He was half-way through his slice when Kingsley asked...that. He managed to swallow what was in his mouth without choking. Surely, Kingsley Shacklebolt--Auror Extraordinaire--was, er, experienced? Talking about birds was one thing. Did he really need sex advice of that kind?

Ernie glanced at Ron and then back at Kingsley. "Well, there's some...physical things...that happen? Plus, if she's...er...vocal, she should tell you. You and Susan...haven't...yet?" He tugged at his collar, feeling the blood rush to his face.

[shh_ron]

"No problem, Ernie. This place is too good not to share with friends."

Ron began eating his third slice of the combination pizza when Kingsley asked "How do you tell if she is really enjoying herself and not just pretending?" The bite of pizza in his mouth went down his throat the wrong way and Ron began to sputter and cough.

"Uh...ack...sorry, um, you, um, like Ernie said. Lots of noise is usually a tip-off. Least it has been for me." Ron finally gained control of his tongue enough so he didn't say the next thing on his mind, If she's not noisy I think I'm not doing it right.

[shh_kingsley]

Kingsley nodded his agreement about the pizza place. "It is good."

After asking about how to tell if your date was really enjoying herself or not, Kingsley decided it was safe to go back to his beer. How wrong he was. Ron started to choke on his food and Ernie was turning nine shades of red and sputtering something about physical... oh, God, no. They thought he was asking about sex?

"Whoa! How the bloody hell did you two take a question about how to tell if a bird was enjoying herself on a date, to mean how to tell when she's having an orgasm?" Just as the last six words escaped his mouth, the noise in the pizza parlor wound down until what he said came out loud and oh, so fucking, clear. Everyone in the place turned and stared at him. Fuck. Just... fuck. Kingsley dropped his head in his hands. "Can one of you see if we can get the rest of this to go while I dig a hole and bury myself in it?"

[shh_ernie]

If Ernie's face were red before, it was positively flaming now. "Well...er..." Ron had made the same assumption. "We were just talking about...er..." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "...contraceptives. And, er, spending time together was a euphemism, you know, for..." Glancing around, he caught several people looking at them. He glared and they busied themselves with their food once again. "Sex." This last word was said in the quietest tone that was still in the range of human hearing.

Ernie waved to the waiter and, when he approached, asked if they could get their pizza to go. "As for your actual question, er, if she smiles a lot while you're on your date, laughs--real laughs, not those fake girl-y laughs--then she's probably having a good time. And, for your information, Susan Bones doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. So if she bowled with you, she wanted to bowl with you."

[shh_ron]

Somehow, Ron realised, he and Ernie had got totally the wrong impression of what Kingsley wanted to know. When those last six words came out of Kingsley's mouth and everyone looked at them, Ron felt his face glow like a burning bush.

Oh bloody fuck... Everyone was staring at them. Kingsley's head was in his hands, Ernie was muttering apologies and asking to take the pizza away with them...and Ron felt about as stupid as he'd felt in many years.

"Jesus, Kingsley, I'm sorry," he muttered, trying not to look at the other man's face. "Dunno why...simple mistake...not usually this thick..." Something about emotional range of a teaspoon came into his mind just then. Ron was sure this was going to be the first and last time he would ever hang out with Kingsley Shacklebolt. They'd be lucky if he let them go bowling with him now. "I'll...um... I know the way home." If he didn't think Kingsley and Ernie would have to Obliviate everyone in the restaurant, he would have Disapparated right then.

[shh_kingsley]

"Don't worry about it. I was still thinking about the bowling date and you two were thinking about... other things. It wasn't all that thick come to think of it." Chuckling, he added, "Don't be silly, Ron. No one ever died of embarrassment. Think of it this way, those teenagers over there have a great story to share with their mates tomorrow. But I think we'd best settle up and be on our way before that table of ladies in the corner, whispering furiously between themselves, decide they want to want to get to know us better."

The waiter returned with the leftover pizza and took their money. "Let's get bowling, men." The pizzas had been cut into six large slices and there had only been three of the cheese and one of the combination left. Kingsley thought they could finish it off before they hit the Megabowl if anyone was still hungry.

Picking up his bowling bag and leaving the pizza boxes for Ron and Ernie, Kingsley started his bowling spiel as they left the pizza place. "Bowling, at its most simple, is rolling a ball down an alley and trying to knock down as many of the pins at the end as you can. Of course, nothing is usually as simple as it looks, is it?" He continued to chat about bowling as they made their way to the Exeter Megabowl.

[shh_ron]

"Okay...if you're sure you don't want to ditch me for being a pillock," Ron said, relieved and hoping Kingsley wasn't just being nice to him. The ladies in the corner all appeared to be at least as old as his mother. One of them even looked like his Auntie Muriel. "Don't think I want those ladies to get to know us better, so yeah, we should probably go."

The waiter came back with the leftover pizza boxed up. Ron grabbed the pizza and followed Kingsley and Ernie out into the early summer evening. He loved this time of year, when the sun stayed up so late there was sometimes still a glow in the sky when he went to bed. It wasn't even 8 o'clock yet, so it was still almost broad daylight in southwest England, and as they made their way toward the Megabowl he listened as Kingsley gave them the skinny on bowling.

"Sounds pretty simple, yeah," Ron agreed, though he'd thought billiards couldn't be all that hard and he'd turned out to be mostly pants at that. Though, to be honest, he rarely practiced as he had trouble finding anyone to play against him, and Lavender hadn't been a good choice because she was simply too distracting. "So me and Ernie'll be able to get the equipment we need there?"

[shh_ernie]

Ernie was glad that Kingsley wasn't angry with them for the...misunderstanding.

Serves you right for talking about your private matters with Eleanor with the two of them, the little voice chastised. He would be more discreet, he silently vowed.

"Er...Kingsley?" he asked as they walked toward the Megabowl. "What are the gutters exactly? Elle tried to explain bowling, but I...er...I didn't follow. Are they gutters as in rain gutters? She didn't mention water involved, but..." He really hoped he was dressed appropriately.