here we go again
Its so hard to live when you hate everything about yourself.
Its so hard to live when you can't trust people to keep their views.
Its so hard to live in a word so materilistic and vain.
Its so hard to live right now.
No one understnads me. NO ONE. Sometimes i wish my mom haden't seen the blood on my pillow, and i would have just bleed to death. Who would really miss me for longer than a few weeks, maybe months? What possitave effect have i had on ANYONE in this world? What good have i done? I try to live my life calmly, but everything i say gets over-analized. Everyone puts too much thought in one sentince, or one disordly sentience. Why do people have to judge? What good is anger and resent? What good are my hypocritical entries...just a vent to try and keep myself under control.
I've been having a difficult time lately. I'll find myself in my room, trying to breath, trying hard to keep the tears in my eyes. But its so hard when there's nuthing to look foreward to every moring when i wake up.. so hard to drag myself to a worthless day of worthless 'enucation'. Why is the world like this? Why do people hate? Its just getting so hard. Judy said she thinks my depression is over, but its starting again. Without medication, i don't know how my brain will react to the smallest dissapointments. Insted of a paper cut, small things feel like being decapitated and having my insides splattered onto the wall.
So judge me. Analize my every word. I can't take this anymore. I don't want your help. I don't want your sympathy. This is not asking for forgiveness, or admitting any wrong doing. This is my vent. This is too keep me from goind back over that edge.
Its so hard to live when you can't trust people to keep their views.
Its so hard to live in a word so materilistic and vain.
Its so hard to live right now.
No one understnads me. NO ONE. Sometimes i wish my mom haden't seen the blood on my pillow, and i would have just bleed to death. Who would really miss me for longer than a few weeks, maybe months? What possitave effect have i had on ANYONE in this world? What good have i done? I try to live my life calmly, but everything i say gets over-analized. Everyone puts too much thought in one sentince, or one disordly sentience. Why do people have to judge? What good is anger and resent? What good are my hypocritical entries...just a vent to try and keep myself under control.
I've been having a difficult time lately. I'll find myself in my room, trying to breath, trying hard to keep the tears in my eyes. But its so hard when there's nuthing to look foreward to every moring when i wake up.. so hard to drag myself to a worthless day of worthless 'enucation'. Why is the world like this? Why do people hate? Its just getting so hard. Judy said she thinks my depression is over, but its starting again. Without medication, i don't know how my brain will react to the smallest dissapointments. Insted of a paper cut, small things feel like being decapitated and having my insides splattered onto the wall.
So judge me. Analize my every word. I can't take this anymore. I don't want your help. I don't want your sympathy. This is not asking for forgiveness, or admitting any wrong doing. This is my vent. This is too keep me from goind back over that edge.