moved in
well finally we're in our newby house! i love it so far. its been a lot of fuckin work, i realize how much worthless shit i have. hence, i'm have a yard sale to get rid of it and hopefully get some money back for the new shit i bought. my momz came over and helped... EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR A WHOLE WEEK!! not to say i'm not grateful for her help in all, but damn i saw her more than corey! not only that she doesn't take a hint on when to leave. it'd be like midnight and i'll be like "damn i need to take a shower and head to bed". she'd be like okay u rest i'll keep working. NO DAMNIT GO HOME! I'M SLEEPY AND I WANT TO SIT ON MY ASS WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY THAT YOUR WORKING AN DI'M RESTING! however, the kicthen and the rest of the rooms are pained, new carpet is finaly in, new kitchen floor, was given a free kenmore washer and drier and great condition ( thankz to my parents rich dentist friends :D ). all that is up and ready , OHH AND WE FINALLY HAVE HOT WATER! WOOT. went without that for a whole week. did okay though took afew cold showers and corey and i once in a while walked to his folks house and took some nice ones.
cat got new toys, such as more windows, birds to talk to in the back yard (no i kid you not he does this strange talking -meow noise at them its funny as shit), got a cat tower at an awesome cheap ass price at wonderful costco! damn i love that place.
work is getting better. i'm realizing that its not always me that's fucking up. i.e. my boss james had me on the hunt for some files, i searched everywhere for 2 days. i even went through EVERY FUCKING CHART to see if it was misplaced badly. guess where i found teh fucking thing. on james desk. yah, i was pissed. i called him a poopy head ( i'm keeping it clean because i would like to keep my job thank you). but yah. i'm know now that i do fuck up but no on everything. i take my time to do my work and yes i do still screw up on things that can be fixed but at least now i know thta when something goes wrong its no always my fault. and i'll will fess up to my own mistakes. people respect you more if you do too. i love it there though man i keep getting free catered lunches when spokes people come in for lunch. we had chicken parmason today and cesar salad, oh and yummy cheese cake treats. oh damn it was good.
though at lunch we got into the discussion of religion and how one of my co-workers believe that psychics are the work of the devil and how none of them will do work on her ( i hate to say that it might be because they're racist and don't want to work on black people, but that may not be it, or they're just fucking wierd). but i got to wondering about christainity. i had a hard time finding myself to believe that god is so great and wonderful, and i felt terrible. i could see majority of society looking down upon me with evil eyes because i have no faith in god and hate him so, thus i'm evil and will assend to hell. but hear my out. how can i believe and love something that (listing instured here):
1. allows children to get horrible diseses, raped, murdered, beaten and molested by their own speicies
2. created the blind, the deaf, diesases
3. created all things on earth but doens't take responsiblity for them
4. is all seeing and all knowing but still was shocked when lucifer fell from grace and humans betrayed him
5. gives us instint yet says we can't use them
6. is more powerful than lucifer and his cronies but still allows them to run rampid, and gives permission for lucifer to do his bidding
7. allowed my great grandfather suffer from cancer as my mother and i sit and listened to him beg us to kill him and end his missory. as i cried thinking his suffering is all my fault.
8. is allowed to kill people and take them away from their love ones just so they can hang out with him for all enternty.
9. loves us so much thta he sends us to hell.
10. allows suffering and death to his own son.
11. creates the perfect race - angels, but lets us stupid beings run the show.
12. holding a fucking grudge for too damn long, like a damn pouting child.
13. has a son who speaks of peace and love between all, yet we kill in his name
i can go on but i'm hungry. these are things i thought about and felt guilty. knowing i shouldn't feel this way and so angered, but i caan't help but feeled betrayed. i remember for a while ( since high school) i spent so much time reseraching and hoping to find a religion of my own. the closest i got was either shinto, wicca, or anton levay's satanism. i decided on none of those. none fit everything i feel, though some have many of things i believe in none were enough to put my full heart into it. though i do carry around with me the image of lucifer as the baphomet because it reminds me of wisdom, like the image of shiva destroying ignorance. i feel thta i'm more tolerant and kinder than many chirstians. thus i shouldn't i don't feel that just because someone tells me i'm going to hell because i don't beleive in god but they will becaue they do beileve even though they do horrible. thta's bull shit. like mafia memebers, cathlics but yet kill people. mmmm.... does it add up to you. NO it shouldn't. anywho, i'm just horrible during the end of lunch. i wanted to shout out and speak my mind, but becaue this is christain country i have to hold my tounge otherwise it'll be consider religious hraasment. even though christains are allowed to do it to me. sigh.
oh well that off my chest, life is good at the moment. bout to take me jucie and read some harry potter kick some malfoy ass and rest up for another day at the office. hope all is well with everyone. talk to u soon. much wuv ~stink
cat got new toys, such as more windows, birds to talk to in the back yard (no i kid you not he does this strange talking -meow noise at them its funny as shit), got a cat tower at an awesome cheap ass price at wonderful costco! damn i love that place.
work is getting better. i'm realizing that its not always me that's fucking up. i.e. my boss james had me on the hunt for some files, i searched everywhere for 2 days. i even went through EVERY FUCKING CHART to see if it was misplaced badly. guess where i found teh fucking thing. on james desk. yah, i was pissed. i called him a poopy head ( i'm keeping it clean because i would like to keep my job thank you). but yah. i'm know now that i do fuck up but no on everything. i take my time to do my work and yes i do still screw up on things that can be fixed but at least now i know thta when something goes wrong its no always my fault. and i'll will fess up to my own mistakes. people respect you more if you do too. i love it there though man i keep getting free catered lunches when spokes people come in for lunch. we had chicken parmason today and cesar salad, oh and yummy cheese cake treats. oh damn it was good.
though at lunch we got into the discussion of religion and how one of my co-workers believe that psychics are the work of the devil and how none of them will do work on her ( i hate to say that it might be because they're racist and don't want to work on black people, but that may not be it, or they're just fucking wierd). but i got to wondering about christainity. i had a hard time finding myself to believe that god is so great and wonderful, and i felt terrible. i could see majority of society looking down upon me with evil eyes because i have no faith in god and hate him so, thus i'm evil and will assend to hell. but hear my out. how can i believe and love something that (listing instured here):
1. allows children to get horrible diseses, raped, murdered, beaten and molested by their own speicies
2. created the blind, the deaf, diesases
3. created all things on earth but doens't take responsiblity for them
4. is all seeing and all knowing but still was shocked when lucifer fell from grace and humans betrayed him
5. gives us instint yet says we can't use them
6. is more powerful than lucifer and his cronies but still allows them to run rampid, and gives permission for lucifer to do his bidding
7. allowed my great grandfather suffer from cancer as my mother and i sit and listened to him beg us to kill him and end his missory. as i cried thinking his suffering is all my fault.
8. is allowed to kill people and take them away from their love ones just so they can hang out with him for all enternty.
9. loves us so much thta he sends us to hell.
10. allows suffering and death to his own son.
11. creates the perfect race - angels, but lets us stupid beings run the show.
12. holding a fucking grudge for too damn long, like a damn pouting child.
13. has a son who speaks of peace and love between all, yet we kill in his name
i can go on but i'm hungry. these are things i thought about and felt guilty. knowing i shouldn't feel this way and so angered, but i caan't help but feeled betrayed. i remember for a while ( since high school) i spent so much time reseraching and hoping to find a religion of my own. the closest i got was either shinto, wicca, or anton levay's satanism. i decided on none of those. none fit everything i feel, though some have many of things i believe in none were enough to put my full heart into it. though i do carry around with me the image of lucifer as the baphomet because it reminds me of wisdom, like the image of shiva destroying ignorance. i feel thta i'm more tolerant and kinder than many chirstians. thus i shouldn't i don't feel that just because someone tells me i'm going to hell because i don't beleive in god but they will becaue they do beileve even though they do horrible. thta's bull shit. like mafia memebers, cathlics but yet kill people. mmmm.... does it add up to you. NO it shouldn't. anywho, i'm just horrible during the end of lunch. i wanted to shout out and speak my mind, but becaue this is christain country i have to hold my tounge otherwise it'll be consider religious hraasment. even though christains are allowed to do it to me. sigh.
oh well that off my chest, life is good at the moment. bout to take me jucie and read some harry potter kick some malfoy ass and rest up for another day at the office. hope all is well with everyone. talk to u soon. much wuv ~stink