losing it. a little.
and i think i'm coming undone, i haven't done any homework on time in weeks - months, my tutorials are always half done or complete nonsense, my assignments are no longer raking in the grades i know i can get: for the first time since last year, i did terribly for a history assignment, and i know full well it was because at that point in time i was too sick and tired to be bothered about it. and it's driving me mad. i keep nodding off in classes even as i grip on to my pen trying desperately to keep awake; the teachers are joking about it, for now, but i don't know how long before one of these days mrs chia or someone or the other pulls me aside and asks me what the problem is. and the worst thing is i don't know what the problem is. i just can't seem to concentrate any more. even lit can't be done even halfheartedly; i can't psycho myself any longer. and german, which my parents and i have decided that i should quit, finally, because it's taking a limb from me. and university applications. like oh shut up already i can't look about more frantically than i am doing so now.
please give me strength.
and about him, perhaps i should be just a little worried? i don't know if my feelings are going ambivalent on me, or i'm just tired. not of him, just well. tired. i like being friends; he's kind. i like having someone about when i'm a little lost at the moment, as much as another part of me wished all of them - are they judgmental? - didn't have to see me at my worst. but you know how i am, i have so little faith, and i think too much; i worry first before the smoke even comes. i'm such a terrible testimony, and it kills me a bit that in rj i have some people i love, like dandan especially, but i can't elaborate on that to her. i wish someone like suanne were about; she would understand.
and i need to shut up. other people are busy, other people have problems too. why can't i deal with mine in silence? i so dearly wish i could trust God more, pray more.
please give me strength.
and about him, perhaps i should be just a little worried? i don't know if my feelings are going ambivalent on me, or i'm just tired. not of him, just well. tired. i like being friends; he's kind. i like having someone about when i'm a little lost at the moment, as much as another part of me wished all of them - are they judgmental? - didn't have to see me at my worst. but you know how i am, i have so little faith, and i think too much; i worry first before the smoke even comes. i'm such a terrible testimony, and it kills me a bit that in rj i have some people i love, like dandan especially, but i can't elaborate on that to her. i wish someone like suanne were about; she would understand.
and i need to shut up. other people are busy, other people have problems too. why can't i deal with mine in silence? i so dearly wish i could trust God more, pray more.