March Drabble Contest.
I know, I know, I'm behind on Realistic Dreams, but I'm gonna do the March Drabble Challenge for theair_thesun since it's only 500 words and a nice sort of diversion from the usual. Prepare for angst.
Title: For the Life of Me
Author: stigmata_crow
Rating: T for mature situations and some swearing.
Warnings: Angst, discussion of abortion.
Word Count: 499 (You bet your ass some serious editing went into this, lol)
His hand was in mine. Me. Small, slender white knuckles. Him. Large, thick tanned fingers, curling hotly around mine. My eternal opposite. I trembled and I knew I he could feel it because I felt his hand squeeze mine. I tightened my grip, and I couldn't for the life of me remember why I gave him up.
"It's gonna be ok Bells," he said, trying to be reassuring.
For once in his life, he failed.
Nothing was ok anymore. I was a ghost. We all were ghosts. And I hated us all for it.
I had listened to them. I did as they said and shut out Rosalie's protests and said yes. But ever since that moment they house was gutted. Effectively empty, we all walked around on automated tracks. No one looked each other in the eye, and I couldn't help but feel responsible, despite the fact that they talked me into it.
But not him. He remained ever as he was, the sun in our storm of blank faces. Part of me wanted to hate him for that, but I couldn't for the life of me manage it.
I looked up as a shadow passed over us. Edward paced the hall in front of the room as he had been doing for the past hour. I looked up and our eyes connected. Unsurprisingly, he was the one to look away. I knew it was shame but I couldn't for the life of me agree with him.
Because all I felt in return was revulsion. I felt as though I was looking into the eyes of a coward and I wanted so desperately for him to fight. Fight for this. Fight for me. Fight instead of acknowledging that the person I didn't choose is the better one.
But he didn't. He just kept pacing, and I couldn't for the life of me remember why I took him back.
The question we both wanted to ask hung in the air. Would get through this? And in that moment, the small voice of truth spoke, and I knew we wouldn't.
I fiddled with my wedding band, it suddenly feeling altogether too loose, and felt Jake squeeze my hand. It felt right, despite the wrongness of it all, despite the fact that someone else should be holding my hand, someone who could barely look at me right now.
"Bella... It's time." I looked up at Carlisle who had opened the door of the room, the sterile, cold surgical hell where he would take the mistake out of me to make room for things that I gave up. I could have laughed until I cried. Carlisle said he hated taking a life. Then why was this one so easy?
Instead I got up and walked towards him, turning back to see Jake give me a weak reassuring smile. "I'll be here when... when it's done, ok?"
I nodded, knowing he would. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
Title: For the Life of Me
Author: stigmata_crow
Rating: T for mature situations and some swearing.
Warnings: Angst, discussion of abortion.
Word Count: 499 (You bet your ass some serious editing went into this, lol)
His hand was in mine. Me. Small, slender white knuckles. Him. Large, thick tanned fingers, curling hotly around mine. My eternal opposite. I trembled and I knew I he could feel it because I felt his hand squeeze mine. I tightened my grip, and I couldn't for the life of me remember why I gave him up.
"It's gonna be ok Bells," he said, trying to be reassuring.
For once in his life, he failed.
Nothing was ok anymore. I was a ghost. We all were ghosts. And I hated us all for it.
I had listened to them. I did as they said and shut out Rosalie's protests and said yes. But ever since that moment they house was gutted. Effectively empty, we all walked around on automated tracks. No one looked each other in the eye, and I couldn't help but feel responsible, despite the fact that they talked me into it.
But not him. He remained ever as he was, the sun in our storm of blank faces. Part of me wanted to hate him for that, but I couldn't for the life of me manage it.
I looked up as a shadow passed over us. Edward paced the hall in front of the room as he had been doing for the past hour. I looked up and our eyes connected. Unsurprisingly, he was the one to look away. I knew it was shame but I couldn't for the life of me agree with him.
Because all I felt in return was revulsion. I felt as though I was looking into the eyes of a coward and I wanted so desperately for him to fight. Fight for this. Fight for me. Fight instead of acknowledging that the person I didn't choose is the better one.
But he didn't. He just kept pacing, and I couldn't for the life of me remember why I took him back.
The question we both wanted to ask hung in the air. Would get through this? And in that moment, the small voice of truth spoke, and I knew we wouldn't.
I fiddled with my wedding band, it suddenly feeling altogether too loose, and felt Jake squeeze my hand. It felt right, despite the wrongness of it all, despite the fact that someone else should be holding my hand, someone who could barely look at me right now.
"Bella... It's time." I looked up at Carlisle who had opened the door of the room, the sterile, cold surgical hell where he would take the mistake out of me to make room for things that I gave up. I could have laughed until I cried. Carlisle said he hated taking a life. Then why was this one so easy?
Instead I got up and walked towards him, turning back to see Jake give me a weak reassuring smile. "I'll be here when... when it's done, ok?"
I nodded, knowing he would. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.