(no subject)
One step too far
Is not far enough away from here
Stay close to me
Don’t relax your grip on my right hand
But you are all I really want in this life
You could be the summer rain on my face
You push a little tear into my eye lid
Don’t torture yourself thinking that it must sting
Don’t turn your head
Pretend they’re all dead and gone by now
Can you feel that?
Feels like breath on the back of my neck
But you are all I really want in this life
You could be the summer rain on my face
You push a little tear into my eye lid
Don’t torture yourself thinking that it must sting
It is actually a good song. And, facing the risk of being angsty, the only truely good thing that came out of today. Why the long face you might ask? Well it is a journal, so I will tell you impatient peons soon enough.
Item 1: I got emailed (intentionaly or otherwise) Lauren's online photo album, which I niavely pressumed was some nice jesture. Turns out it was the first of many mistakes I would make. The photos were nice, and my favorite part was the picture of Lauren and her boyfriend. Just one of the many reasons I feel that I am in the midst of some sorta psycological wargame.
Item 2: I learned far too much for my own good about a certain person. To be brief, I was dumped without dating her. But it is partially my fault, I mean I only said all the wrong things at the wrong time. I done fucked up this time. I will have so much fun in photo tommorow.
Item 3: I feel like an ass. Everything I do, and all the words that come out of my mouth just make me feel assinine. Then when I stop moving and talking, people ask whats wrong, and either I speak and make an ass of myself, or a sit silently and make an ass of myself. It is mondo rough.
Item 4: Elizabeth gave me a ride home. I don't understand anything about the girl. That bothers me. A lot. In fact, I can't even figure out why it bothers me, or why I can't figure anything out, or why she gave me a ride. I must have seriously fucked up if I can't even give a decent stab at understanding why someone gave me a ride?! I may just be temporarily/permanently loosing it.
Item 5: Today at lunch I was privy to the wonderful sight of Elizabeth (different one than above) chilling with "macadonia". And while I don't have beef with that, or either of them. It just pissed me off, for one reason or another. Maybe it annoyed me because Liz B is a cool person and when she talks to him she faces me. Something about that bothers me. As far as I can tell, she either wants me dead, or wants me. Right now the former sounds more reasonable, but I don't know why? And, on top of that, it makes me feel really awkward, because I feel like (if it is the latter of the two) then I am the other guy; in spite of the fact that I haven't done anything.
Item 6: I didn't use today. It is a good thing, but this is the kind of day I would love to just chill with a blunt and rock out. Fuck, it has been bad enough to deserve lines. I know I would do it, but I anticipated this and cut myself off, so I didn't use, but I came damn close. That thought hurts me...
Item 7: I chilled with this girl today. It was tight, but moments after she left I just felt so fucking stupid. Just plain fucking stupid. I mean, that very well could have been my first and last even close to real chance of improving my standing with her, and because I am like a deaf bat I didn't catch any of her signals, ignored her, treated her like a short dude with pig tails, and just walked away from her on two occassions. I mean, i picked up on it after she left, but nooooo it would have been too easy if I knew when she was in my presance. I mean, hezeus, I convinced her to stay and chill longer and longer, and then I just walked away to play soccer with my sister, and to check my e-mail! Who the fuck do I think I am? What the fuck am I doing? It was so fucking rude?! I just fucked that whole thing up. Jesus, she said she liked some of my photos, and I tossed her a few shitty ones, and she wouldn't say a mean thing about them, mind you she wasn't glowing about the shitty ones, but she wasn't mean at all. I don't know how I missed it all. I need some help, I need a pause on life to catch up and be able to see in the present.
Item 8: All my recent ideas are shit. Just straight shit. There is no real reason to even talk about them, becayse they are that bad. It is redickulous. This applies to all ideas in any facet of my life, because they all currently suck. The only decent idea I have had all day was to listen to some RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE and some SNOW PATROL, which is an odd but refreshing mix of styles.
Item 9: While this overlaps with most of my issues, this is seperate because it was weighing on me like some shit. So anyways, I have some tickets, they are very special. They are for someone...they don't want them...
Is not far enough away from here
Stay close to me
Don’t relax your grip on my right hand
But you are all I really want in this life
You could be the summer rain on my face
You push a little tear into my eye lid
Don’t torture yourself thinking that it must sting
Don’t turn your head
Pretend they’re all dead and gone by now
Can you feel that?
Feels like breath on the back of my neck
But you are all I really want in this life
You could be the summer rain on my face
You push a little tear into my eye lid
Don’t torture yourself thinking that it must sting
It is actually a good song. And, facing the risk of being angsty, the only truely good thing that came out of today. Why the long face you might ask? Well it is a journal, so I will tell you impatient peons soon enough.
Item 1: I got emailed (intentionaly or otherwise) Lauren's online photo album, which I niavely pressumed was some nice jesture. Turns out it was the first of many mistakes I would make. The photos were nice, and my favorite part was the picture of Lauren and her boyfriend. Just one of the many reasons I feel that I am in the midst of some sorta psycological wargame.
Item 2: I learned far too much for my own good about a certain person. To be brief, I was dumped without dating her. But it is partially my fault, I mean I only said all the wrong things at the wrong time. I done fucked up this time. I will have so much fun in photo tommorow.
Item 3: I feel like an ass. Everything I do, and all the words that come out of my mouth just make me feel assinine. Then when I stop moving and talking, people ask whats wrong, and either I speak and make an ass of myself, or a sit silently and make an ass of myself. It is mondo rough.
Item 4: Elizabeth gave me a ride home. I don't understand anything about the girl. That bothers me. A lot. In fact, I can't even figure out why it bothers me, or why I can't figure anything out, or why she gave me a ride. I must have seriously fucked up if I can't even give a decent stab at understanding why someone gave me a ride?! I may just be temporarily/permanently loosing it.
Item 5: Today at lunch I was privy to the wonderful sight of Elizabeth (different one than above) chilling with "macadonia". And while I don't have beef with that, or either of them. It just pissed me off, for one reason or another. Maybe it annoyed me because Liz B is a cool person and when she talks to him she faces me. Something about that bothers me. As far as I can tell, she either wants me dead, or wants me. Right now the former sounds more reasonable, but I don't know why? And, on top of that, it makes me feel really awkward, because I feel like (if it is the latter of the two) then I am the other guy; in spite of the fact that I haven't done anything.
Item 6: I didn't use today. It is a good thing, but this is the kind of day I would love to just chill with a blunt and rock out. Fuck, it has been bad enough to deserve lines. I know I would do it, but I anticipated this and cut myself off, so I didn't use, but I came damn close. That thought hurts me...
Item 7: I chilled with this girl today. It was tight, but moments after she left I just felt so fucking stupid. Just plain fucking stupid. I mean, that very well could have been my first and last even close to real chance of improving my standing with her, and because I am like a deaf bat I didn't catch any of her signals, ignored her, treated her like a short dude with pig tails, and just walked away from her on two occassions. I mean, i picked up on it after she left, but nooooo it would have been too easy if I knew when she was in my presance. I mean, hezeus, I convinced her to stay and chill longer and longer, and then I just walked away to play soccer with my sister, and to check my e-mail! Who the fuck do I think I am? What the fuck am I doing? It was so fucking rude?! I just fucked that whole thing up. Jesus, she said she liked some of my photos, and I tossed her a few shitty ones, and she wouldn't say a mean thing about them, mind you she wasn't glowing about the shitty ones, but she wasn't mean at all. I don't know how I missed it all. I need some help, I need a pause on life to catch up and be able to see in the present.
Item 8: All my recent ideas are shit. Just straight shit. There is no real reason to even talk about them, becayse they are that bad. It is redickulous. This applies to all ideas in any facet of my life, because they all currently suck. The only decent idea I have had all day was to listen to some RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE and some SNOW PATROL, which is an odd but refreshing mix of styles.
Item 9: While this overlaps with most of my issues, this is seperate because it was weighing on me like some shit. So anyways, I have some tickets, they are very special. They are for someone...they don't want them...