Where the hell is my Karma?!
Ok, so lately I've been dealing with a string of realizations and some bad luck and it's really starting to get to me. I'm a worrier by nature, and for some reason it's gone into overdrive lately. Due to some employment circumstances that came about for Jason a couple of months ago, my life is in total chaos. I had plans. I had timelines for important events, and now those are are completely blown out of the water. I mean, we wanted to have kids in the next year or so, and now we're looking at 3 to 4 years because of paying for Jason's school and the precarious employment position he's found himself in until he finishes school. I just keep asking myself "So, what are we going to push it back for next?" and we'll probably just end up never doing it and that will make me really sad. It's particularly sad when I watch his sister having a baby in like 2 weeks, and his other sister and her husband are already talking about it (SHE'S FREAKING 19 YEARS OLD!!) and I realize that by the time we have kids no one will give a rats ass because it'll be old hat. Just like no one gave a rats ass that we were getting married because his sister had her wedding before ours just to say she did it first and then no one cared about ours which was 2 months later. It's really starting to get to me. Also, why the hell does bad stuff keep happening to me? I mean, I got my paycheck yesterday and it was shorted a little over 100 dollars because my benefits department SUCKS! I added Jason to my benefits at the end of August, but because he lost his benefits through his company on July 31st, they took deductions starting from that date. That means that even though he couldn't have used my insurance in July or the beginning of August, I still have to pay for it. What the hell is up with that?! So my income has been cut by almost 2/3 because he doesn't work at the store anymore, and then they take an extra 100 from my check that I freaking need? Thank you so much! Then there's the big mystery of "Will Jason have a job at the end of October?" because the bad thing about temp jobs is that they're temporary. That means that right before Christmas, he could be unemployed again and that means no gifts for anyone which kills me because I love buying Christmas gifts for people. Plus Jenna, my niece, made it into the Providence Rhode Island's professional ballet company's production of The Nutrcracker in December. She called me so excited and happy and asked if I would be coming out to see her. I wanted to cry. How to you explain to a 9 year old who has just achieved the biggest dream she's ever had that you don't have the money to go and watch her when you're one of the only people she wants there aside from the parents? It's so hard. I don't want to disappoint her, and I love her so much that it kills me to think that she might be sad on the night that she should be the happiest. I don't get it. I do good things for people, I help people when I can, I work hard, I never take handouts and I try to be nice to people even when they're not so nice to me. So where the fuck is my karma damnit?!