You Belong To Me [1/2]
Title:You Belong With Me
Author: stfu_pwentzz
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon (background Pete/Patrick)
Beta: stitches_later
POV: Third; Brendon-centric
Summary: One day Ryan would notice him. Notice him in the way that Brendon wanted him to notice him.
Ryan would send him that one glance that would make Brendon's heart stop and things would be perfect. And Brendon would chastise him for taking forever to figure it out but it wouldn't matter. Because he did figure it out.
"You Belong To Me" songfic ~13,000 words
Disclaimer: AU. This is an act of fiction. I don’t own any of the characters just the plot. I also don't own Taylor Swift's song "You Belong With Me"
---
It's the last ten minute crunch of band rehearsal before the drum majors technically have to turn them loose. They aren't allowed to keep them past nine, because one of the freshman mother's complained.
Brendon always thought it was stupid for mothers to complain about stupid stuff like that, which is what his parents probably would have done if they were interested in his band stuff, but once he heard they had to let him out at a certain time he was excited.
Especially tonight. It was Tuesday and it was his day for the internet. Living with four brothers and sisters the laptop got passed around the house. They didn't have enough money for a computer so they just shared the laptop. And because Brendon was oldest he got Tuesday and Saturday.
The two most important nights in Brendon's opinion.
He heard the whistle signaling them to stop, and he stopped just in time from hitting Patrick right in the back with his quads. Patrick just raised an eyebrow, as Brendon tried to avoid his gaze. Patrick just naturally thought Brendon was clumsy, but he wasn't. He just didn't pay attention all the time.
Whatever. Brendon was one of Patrick's best friends; they didn't have to agree all the time. Brendon could think Patrick was too serious, and Patrick could think that he was clumsy. It was a perfect friendship.
Brendon tried to fix his drums so the outer ones were facing more in. He felt they played much better that way, even though the drum tech would disagree. What did he know anyway.
The drum majors dismissed them, and if Brendon didn't have a giant harness attached to his back he would have jumped for joy. He rose on his tip toes though, just so Patrick got the point that he was excited.
Patrick rolled his eyes and walked back to the building with Brendon. It was just the two of them because Pete, Patrick's boyfriend, who usually played the trombone, had a soccer game that night.
Patrick checked his phone, as they made it on the blacktop and smiled softly to himself. "Pete got benched," he said with a hint of affection in his tone.
Brendon laughed, and he got benched almost every other game. "What did that rascal do this time?"
Patrick was fiddling with his phone some more, before he had an answer. There was some clarinet sophomore holding the door open for them, with a slight twinkle in her eye.
Brendon nodded to her and thanked her and watched as her hair covered her face that turned a shade of red. "T-thanks Brendon."
Brendon felt kind of bad that he didn't even know her name. But that was short lived when Patrick got the answer he was looking for.
Patrick stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, which made Brendon actually run his drums into Patrick. "Jesus Christ, Trick!" Brendon yelled.
Patrick caught his balance, and where could Brendon learn to do that. It probably came with the hats. Patrick wore hats all the time. It was a black beanie at the moment. But usually it was baseball caps.
"Sorry, sorry. It's just. He molested the referee," Patrick told him and Brendon couldn't even wrap his head around that.
Pete liked to molest people, that was for sure, but he couldn't really believe that he would deliberately molest the referee of the soccer game. That could just not happen.
Brendon snatched Patrick's phone away from him, and started pressing buttons. Patrick tried aimlessly to grab it back, but he just poked Patrick hard in the back.
"Keep walking, Stump."
Patrick sighed and kept walking as Brendon read through his messages to Pete. Some of them he really didn't need to read, and now he was sure he wouldn't be able to look either of them in the eye for an entire day, but he found what he was looking for.
molestations a big word. it was more of a luv tap. a 'nice call, man' kinda thing
And that. That sounded a lot like Pete. Brendon started laughing and handed Patrick back his phone as they headed straight for the drum room.
"You have a real winner there," Brendon said, and Patrick wasn't as mad as he usually was. He still had the fond smile on his face and Brendon wasn't being sarcastic about it at all. Pete was good for Patrick. Sure, he was weird and reckless.
But he was completely in love with Patrick so it worked out for both of them.
Patrick lifted his snare off his back and yanked his hat over his eyes. "I love the kid, but Christ. Kevin and Mom keep asking me to bring him home to dinner. Do you know how awkward that's going to be?"
Brendon set his quads down and he understood. Completely. "I eat lunch with him everyday. If it's anything like that I feel bed for Kevin."
There was a lot of innuendoes and molestation at their lunch table. And Brendon wouldn't wish that on anyone, let alone poor, poor Kevin.
Patrick just laughed and Brendon followed him out the door. Patrick headed one way, to the middle school for the game and Brendon headed the other way so he could head to his ghastly purple minivan.
It wasn't much, but it was a car and that was the most Brendon could ask for. He hopped in and drove the two point three miles to his house. It technically was walking distance but he'd walked to and from school for the last three years and it was his senior year.
It was time to drive everywhere. Well, he did bum the occasional ride from his best friend Ryan usually, but not that often because Ryan's car was in the shop more often than it was in his driveway. There was so much wrong with his car that it wasn't even funny.
He pulled up to the curb grabbed his backpack and the new CD that Patrick was letting him borrow.
Apparently it was a good album. He couldn't tell who it was by because the album was in a different language. German or some shit like that. Could be Spanish for all he knew, it didn't matter. He didn't take either in high school.
He avoided his parents on his way in, not that it was that big of a deal. They usually didn't have anything good to say about Tuesday nights anyway. Tuesday night was that "band thing" he was doing to pass the time.
He floated passed them and practically ran into his room and sighed at the vision of the laptop on his desk. He closed and locked his door and turned it on.
He checked his email and sent a few replies back before he popped in the CD. It immediately started playing heavy rock and Brendon had to turn it down a few notches so he wouldn't get his laptop taken away. When he looked back at the screen he had two IMs waiting for him from Ryan.
Ryan: Ugh took you long enough.
Ryan: Save me?
Brendon smiled to himself before he answered him.
Brendon: Sure. What can I do for you today?
Ryan: Ugh. Staci's on the phone. I really fucked up this time.
Brendon: What...happened?
Ryan: Nah, you can say' what'd you do'
Brendon: Lol, fine. What'd you do?
Ryan: Made a comment about her mother
Brendon: Like an Ur mom joke?
Ryan: Yeah. It was a tough crowd apparently.
Brendon tried to stifle a laugh. He loved Ryan's 'your mom' jokes. They were pretty hilarious. But it seemed like his girlfriend didn't think so.
Which was crazy, because they were pretty funny.
Ryan: Can I call you in like ten minutes?
Brendon didn't even hesitate before he typed 'yes'. He didn't care that it was Tuesday and tonight was his only computer time. All he needed to know was Ryan wanted to talk to him and he would give up computer time for a month.
He couldn't help it. He was totally and irrevocably in love with his best friend and it had a when Ryan says Jump, Brendon asks 'how high?' effect.
Most days it was harder and harder to hide it. Ryan was just amazing. Then there were nights like tonight when his stupid girlfriend just made him so sad and upset and Brendon wanted to tell her off. Or something. He wanted to do something to help, but he knew he never would or could.
He signed off the computer and less than ten minutes later Ryan was calling his phone.
As soon as the first note for his ringtone came into Brendon's earshot, he grew the largest smile. "Hey."
---
Staci was Ryan's type. She was a cheerleader so that meant that she was pretty social. She was social when Ryan was not. They evened out. Actually, Brendon was sure that she was captain of the cheerleaders, so she had power. Something Brendon did not.
She pretty much looked like any other cheerleader out there. She had long legs, stick thin, blonde hair, smelled like a field of flowers; the works. Pretty much everything Brendon wasn't. She was pretty, blonde, and more importantly, a girl.
Ryan had a type and that fit Staci to a tee. Short shirt, short skirt, high heels and boobs.
Brendon was shorter than Ryan, with brown hair and a giant ass. He didn't have long legs and he played quads in marching band. He wore
T-shirts with converse and sometimes he had to wear glasses. Black, thick rimmed glasses at that.
He was Ryan's best friend, but there wasn't a day that went by when Brendon didn't wish they were more.
He knew Ryan wasn't perfect. Ryan had a temper, and when something was wrong he would never admit it. He liked to act like his home life was perfect when in fact it was not. He was stubborn, and no matter how many times Brendon would try, Ryan could never give up the juicy delicious taste that was red meat.
That didn't stop any of his feelings. He knew this went above and beyond any feelings someone was supposed to have for their best friend. They could hug, but not embrace. They could talk everyday, but not have heart to hearts. And they could never look at the other all the time.
Brendon failed on all accounts.
It kind of fueled his crush, though. He knew everything about Ryan. He always learned new things but there was always that foundation underneath. He knew what Ryan's most secret dreams were. He knew how bad Ryan wanted to just get up and leave this town. Be a rockstar, or a writer, but most of all Ryan just wanted to be famous.
Brendon just wanted Ryan to succeed.
The thing that was worse about the entire situation, Brendon knew that they were meant to be. He could see it in every look, every glance, and every phone call. One day Ryan would notice him. Notice him in the way that Brendon wanted him to notice him.
Ryan would send him that one glance, that would make Brendon's heart stop and things would be perfect. And Brendon would chastise him for taking forever to figure it out but it wouldn't matter. Because he did figure it out.
But until that day Brendon was just stuck on the phone listening to the problems between him and Staci and how smokin' hot this girl from second hour was.
---
They were losing pretty badly by the time the marching band got on the field for halftime. They were doing a Rolling Stones show, because of Patrick's badgering. Patrick's badgering and Pete harassing everyone until they agreed. In Brendon's opinion they didn't do the 'Stones justice.
The arrangements kind of sucked. And that wasn't even counting the colorguard. That was a totally different category of fail.
The drumline was set up on the away team's fifty yard line. The show was about to start, and Brendon was hoping for a single point, even if that wasn't possible. Hoping for a mere six points seemed like it was asking for much. They didn't need the touchdown, just the field goal and Brendon would be happy.
The seconds ran down and of course they didn't get any points. It was 24-0 at the end of the first half.
The show was no better, actually. The brass section rushed through the second song, half of the colorguard forgot their flags and the clarinets went to the wrong spots most of the time. But the good news was that they were improving.
They went back to the bleachers and Brendon smiled as there was a boy in a leather jacket sitting in his seat, holding a blanket. Brendon felt a little like The Grinch, because he felt his heart grow two sizes. This was not safe because Brendon’s heart enlarged whenever he was in a five feet radius of Ryan.
He smiled at Brendon and Christ he smelled so nice. When Brendon and Patrick came to sit down, he immediately got up and handed Brendon the blanket.
"Aren't you supposed to be down by the cheerleaders?" Brendon asked, snuggling into the blanket. It was Ryan's comfy blanket and he held on to it for dear life. But he always brought it to Brendon when either he was sick or the games were incredibly cold. But Brendon was sure he was the only other person besides Ryan that was allowed to use it.
Ryan shrugged and took a spot on the stairs to sit next to Brendon and Patrick. "Nah, they're kind of boring, and it I was over there I couldn't tell you guys how awesome the band did."
Brendon glanced at Patrick and glanced back at Ryan, with a disbelieving look.
Ryan looked offended and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Alright. But, you and Trick did awesome."
Brendon nodded. He could agree to those terms. He felt his body turn more towards Ryan and less towards Patrick, and it was probably gravity telling him that he was supposed to be melted to Ryan.
Or something really cheesy like that. "My hands are freezing!" Ryan complained.
Brendon tied the blanket around his neck like a cape, and grabbed Ryan's hands out of his pockets. He wrapped Ryan's hands in the blanket, with his hands holding onto them on the outside. They were kind of holding hands, but Brendon would just use the excuse that his hands were cold.
He rubbed his hands over Ryan's hands. "Well, you're the idiot who thought it was going to be warm in October. Football season is always cold."
Ryan smiled and hit him in the shoulder. "Yeah, keep on calling me an idiot, Urie."
Brendon smiled back. It didn't reach his eyes, but he felt like it might start blinding some people. "Maybe I will,"
Ryan was just staring at him, and Brendon thought Yes! This is it. Here's the moment! when all of a sudden there was a blonde head bobbing up the fence in front of them.
It was Staci. Of course. She looked a little pissed but tried to hide it with the smile, and oh how Brendon hated her.
"Ry bear, where'd you go?" She asked, sounding nettled but still smiling nonetheless.
Brendon let go of Ryan's hands, and Ryan took his hands out of the blanket. "I went to hang out with Bren,"
Staci smiled, and motioned for him to come to the fence. Brendon had a feeling Ryan was gonna be in a little bit of trouble for ditching his girlfriend, but he really didn't feel bad for her. It wasn't like he left the football game.
Ryan gave Brendon a sideways hug. "See ya later, B," he said out loud. He went closer to Brendon's ear and whispered "After the fight."
Brendon just smiled at him and watched him follow Staci back to the part of the stands that the cheerleaders were performing at.
He didn't know if he was staring at inappropriate body parts or sighing but he got yanked out by Patrick. "Kid, you got it bad."
Brendon turned to look at Patrick and wanted to hit the dumb little smirk off his face.
"The only thing I got bad is frostbite."
Patrick rolled his eyes, and yanked some of the blanket so he could have some, which made it untie around Brendon's neck and fall to the ground. Brendon faux glared at Patrick and picked it up so it was on both of their laps.
"You don't know what you're talking about Patrick."
Patrick's gaze altered, and his voice got quieter. It seemed as if the audience's volume turned down too. "I was in jail, Urie. For a whole two days. You don't know the kind of things I saw."
Brendon shot him an incredulous look. "Jail?" If that was true, that would explain why Pete kept singing "Jailhouse Rock" whenever he had the chance.
Patrick nodded solemnly but the semi serious moment was ruined by Pete leaning on both of their shoulders.
"Yeah, Patty here got put in jail because," he cleared his voice and started singing Bon Jovi. Brendon laughed as Pete rang out with "You give love a bad name"
Patrick shoved him, and glared. "Shut up. You ruined it. Aren't you supposed to be in the trombone section?"
Pete looked down and smiled at Patrick. "I am in the trombone section." Brendon didn't know how Patrick could forget because Pete was always sitting behind them, even though he insisted on sitting in Patrick's lap.
Patrick shrugged Pete's arm off of him, and Pete's arm just naturally fell off Brendon's arm.
"Well, go get me a mountain dew then!" Patrick yelled, hitting Pete on the thigh. Pete saluted and ran off to the concession stand. "Sometimes I love how he's occassionally obediant."
Brendon rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you are. But, jail?"
Because that was more important than talking about Pete.
Patrick bit his lip. "My mom's tags expired and I didn't realize it, and they told me but I blew them off. Don't blow off the cops."
Brendon didn't plan on blowing off any cops. He shifted his foot and it knocked into something metal. He decided to investigate and it was a metal thermos.
He opened it and it was filled with hot chocolate, his favorite. He stood up, taking the blanket with him as Patrick complained and tried to look for Ryan in the crowd. He found him sitting, but must have realized someone was looking at him.
He looked over at Brendon and waved. Brendon held up the thermos and Ryan simply gave him a thumbs up. Brendon sat back down, the blanket pooling on the bench.
Patrick smirked again. "I guess you're not the only one who has it bad."
Brendon didn't say anything until Pete came running up holding eight different bottles of pop. "They didn't have mountain dew and I didn't know what you wanted."
Brendon snorted and he didn't even care if anyone heard. Pete was the biggest dork on the planet.
---
They didn't lose as bad as Brendon thought they were going to. It was a close game 18-24. Pete and Patrick left early, said they were going to head over to Pete's house, and Brendon blocked out the rest of what they were saying.
He was dressed in his regular clothes. A t-shirt and some jeans. It was what he was most comfortable in. He was back in the stands looking for Ryan. He knew Ryan loved sitting the stands after the game when no one was there. He was a strange kid, but Brendon usually stayed with him.
Brendon didn't have to wait long until he found Ryan. Ryan was sitting in the marching band section, just watching the janitors fix the field up. The scoreboard kept lighting up the score, with the school's logo flashing occassionally.
Brendon sat next to Ryan and they just watched the men pick up the loose papers and cups, and grass that came up.
"Where's Staci?" Brendon asked.
Ryan gestured towards the parking lot. "All the girls went to go get some food. And by food I mean a carrot and water."
Brendon snorted again, and instead of Ryan making fun of him he just shoulder bumped him.
"I'm serious. I brought her some hot chocolate and she threw it on the ground because it had whole milk in it and she cried that she was gonna be fat and no one was going to love her."
Brendon nodded. That kind of sounded like something she would say. "Well, you wanna go get some whole milk ice cream? I kind of don't want to go home right now."
Ryan got up, and took the blanket from Brendon's hands. "Sure, let's go. I don't wanna go home either."
---
The moon was out, and it was lighting their walkway. It was close to midnight and they were just walking aimlessly around some park. There wasn't really anyone in the park and if they did see someone it was going to be like a rapist or a pedo or something.
He told Ryan that.
"Don't worry, I'll save you're pretty little ass." He confided in Ryan. He tried to show off his guns, which only made the ice cream drip on his hand.
He tried to lick it off his hand but Ryan was just chuckling. "Yeah, you're going to fucking entice a rapist with your fucking tongue. And if anyone will get assraped it'll be you."
Brendon stopped, and settled onto the nearest bench. Ryan sat next to him almost immediately. Brendon didn't know why they got some ice cream when it was freezing out, but it still tasted pretty good.
Ryan was still wearing his leather jacket and Brendon just naturally kept warm. They sat at the bench, looking out into the darkness for a long time without saying anything. That was the thing about them, they didn't have to say anything and they could keep good company.
And it just felt right. Not a lot of things felt as right as this did. Going to school, leading a normal life, being in love with your best friend who had a girlfriend: those didn't feel right. But sitting on a bench, not saying a word just the presence of each other to keep them company: that felt so right.
Brendon looked over to Ryan, and he was looking up at the stars, ice cream dripping on the bench and it looked like he didnt' even care.
Ryan blinked and tilted his head towards Brendon. "What is there something on my face?"
Brendon couldn't even see if there was but he still told him no. Ryan smiled and just leaned back but didn't look at the stars; he was still staring at Brendon.
When Ryan smiled like that, it lit up the entire city. Not even one of Brendon's smiles had the power to do that to people, it was unfair. He didn't smile often but when he did, when it grew wide and he let some teeth show, which was the coolest thing he's ever seen.
It makes Brendon stop and think everything was going to be okay.
Mostly he smiled with Brendon a lot, but recently he wasn't smiling at all. Not even with Brendon.
Brendon knew why. Of course he knew why. Anyone with two eyes could see that Staci and Ryan's relationship was wearing him down. They fought constantly and she flirted with practically everyone to get Ryan to "ship up" or something.
It wasn't like Ryan was a bad boyfriend. He was attentive, it was just when he got really passionate about something he shut everyone out, and Staci probably didn't like that.
Brendon couldn't lie and say Ryan's never shut him out. He's been locked out of Ryan's room many of times because he was working on some masterpiece of writing.
Sometimes he wished he could just watch him write. He's seen him jot some stuff down in English, and his eyes glaze out of focus when he gets an idea, and he just writes and writes and writes without stopping.
"Are you?"
Brendon blinked out of his daydream state and looked at Ryan again. "What?"
"Don't ignore me, asshole. I asked if you were going to the concert in two weeks." Ryan asked again.
Brendon thrummed in his veins. "Of course I am. Pete and Patrick are playing too. But, if anyone asks, we're playing video games at your house all night."
Ryan nodded. "Awesome. We should totally sit together so we can get creamed by all the moshers," Ryan looked up like this was the best idea he's ever had, when in fact it was not. Moshing didn't sit well with Brendon. He didn't mind being pushed back at a concert, but there were elbows and fists in a pit, and Brendon bruised pretty damn easily.
Brendon still scoffed though "Yeah, how about not." He knew Ryan knew he was talking about moshing not going together because they always went to concerts together. It was kind of cool. "Is Staci going to come?"
Ryan shook his head and Brendon watched his features visibly shut down. He hated when he did that. When Ryan didn't want to talk about something he would just shut down. This happened before, but usually he would come to Brendon a little bit, especially about his dad, but this must be worse somehow.
"Are you okay?"
Ryan smiled, but it was forced. Brendon could just tell. "Yeah, I'm fine." Brendon could see through every lie Ryan's ever said. He could see right through every single 'fine' and see the truth.
He just wondered why Ryan would stay with someone who just made him feel crappy about himself. It wasn't Brendon's place to say anything though. It was Ryan's business.
Brendon took the last couple bites of his ice cream cone and elbowed Ryan in the chest. "Come on, let's go home. I don't want you tired tomorrow when we go skating."
Ryan rolled his eyes, but he still wasn't his snarky self, but it was something.
---
It was just another Wednesday at school. Pete and Patrick were silently talking about something and Brendon was fiddling with whatever was for lunch that day. They said it was salad, but Brendon didn't really believe them. It doesn't look edible, let alone salad.
Brendon scanned the cafeteria and like everyday his eyes landed on Ryan and Staci's table, which was the cheerleader table. For once Ryan wasn't smiling; he was just playing with his food too. Staci was still talking animatedly to her friends, but Ryan looked sad almost.
"You know some days I think you should sit over there. It seems you’re more over at that table than at this table."
Brendon looked over to Patrick. He scrunched his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"
Patrick rolled his eyes. "You block us out most days, and you're looking over at Ryan's table. It's like your there."
Brendon took a large gulp of his milk, and that's not how it happened. His gaze might land on Ryan's table occassionally. But he wasn't missing out on any dire conversations.
Pete elbowed him. "Yeah, you're at the jailbird table. Your attention has to stay here, or we'll shank you," Pete informed him and whatever Pete was an asshole. Pete's opinion didn't matter.
He was still interested though.
"What did you do to go in jail?"
Pete frowned. "Sodomy is illegal in seventeen states, including this one," he said, strangely with a straight face. Almost immediately Patrick hit him in the back of the head. Brendon was laughing even though he really didn't need to hear about that.
Even though he did, all the time. Pete had some serious problems, but he felt that their personal, private sex life should be public knowledge. Patrick and Brendon were both on the same team in this argument.
Brendon sighed and looked over and Ryan was writing in his notebook that he carried with him everywhere, and it was just so inspiring. He wished that he had something that he could do that made him feel as good as that.
He felt Patrick sigh next to him. "I love you, Ben, and this is the only reason I'm saying this. Don't get pissed, okay?"
Brendon glared at him. If Patrick didn't want him to get pissed that meant that he probably meant he would get pissed. He motioned for him to get to his point.
Patrick took a giant breath, and pushed his hat down further on his head as if that could hide him from something.
"Boy needs to shit or get off the pot."
Brendon crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't even know what that was supposed to mean. "What the fuck does that mean. I thought Pete was the cryptic one."
Which was true. Half the time Pete didn't make sense, but usually Patrick made perfect sense. Patrick gave him sad eyes, which made Brendon feel like Patrick was giving him pity.
"All I'm saying is Ryan needs to get with the program. He needs to realize what you mean to him and you can't wait for him forever. It's not fair to you."
Brendon blinked, and what Patrick was saying really came into perspective. Patrick could even see that they were meant to be, but Ryan couldn't.
But Brendon would wait for Ryan as long as it would take. But when was enough...enough? It had been three years. He's been waiting for Ryan to realize his fawning eyes their entire high school career. Realize how Ryan and Brendon acted wasn't how best friends acted, but people who were dancing around each other.
He took another look at the cheerleader table but this time he wasn't looking at Ryan, he was looking at Staci. She was Ryan's girlfriend and she wasn't even acting like it was the biggest honor. Some days she acted like being Ryan Ross' girlfriend was the biggest chore in the world.
It wouldn't be for Ryan. Not his girlfriend, but just being with Ryan like that.
She had everything going for her. She was blonde, pretty, probably homecoming queen, a cheerleader, popular, and she had an amazing boyfriend; the ladder that she took for granted.
He looked back at Patrick. "No, I can wait. I can."
Patrick gave him a sad look again but Brendon didn't say anything, kept just eating his inedible salad.
---
Brendon really hated when they closed up the smoothie shop later than usual. No one really needed the most intricate smoothie at 10:01, no one.
He was so pissed off at that freaking customer, and he was pissed at his boss who was taking forever to count down the drawer. He had to give up marching band rehearsal for this because neither would budge. And most of all he was pissed off at Patrick for clouding his mind for the last week.
It had been a week where he had barely seen Ryan and every time he had Patrick's words just rang in his head. He couldn't do this forever. He couldn't wait for Ryan forever. But he could. He could wait another year, at least.
But then there was a voice that said, what if Ryan never realizes what if Ryan never understands that they are supposed to be together. As unlikely as it is, because of the way they act every single day.
Brendon was just so unhappy when he got out of work he just ended up driving around for an hour after he got off. He just needed to blow some steam off. He had been on edge for an entire week because Patrick was kind of right. Just maybe not in those words.
Brendon had always been there for Ryan. He was always right there in front of his eyes, and he needed to see that and end it with Staci so Brendon could have some peace in his life.
He couldn't handle all this heartbreak. Everytime he seen Ryan, looked at Ryan, spoke to Ryan his heart was in his eyes, and it was pouring out of his very soul. He didn't know how Ryan could do that.
He eventually found himself parked outside Ryan's window. He was just watching him pace back and forth. He was on his cellphone, and he seemed to be yelling so Staci must've been on the phone.
Brendon was just watching him and this is kind of how it was every day. Brendon was there, waiting, just watching Ryan and Ryan didn't even know he was there.
Brendon just watched and waited and eventually Ryan noticed him sitting out there and he walked up to his window. He pressed a palm up to his window and Brendon smiled. He couldn't help it. Ryan just made Brendon want to smile constantly.
Brendon put a palm up to his car window, and the only thing separating their palms was time and space and girlfriends and walls and other stupid shit. But if none of that existed their palms would be touching.
Ryan lifted his palm up and put the phone to the crook of his shoulder. He mimed typing on a keyboard and Brendon nodded. It was Tuesday; he was supposed to have the computer that night.
Ryan beamed out the window, then immediately lost it as he picked the phone back up and started to yell.
Brendon lost his smile too and drove to his house. He wasn't going to go online. Ryan could handle one Tuesday where he would complain and complain about his girlfriend who wasn't him.
Or how he wrote a poem or story for her. He just wouldn't be able to handle hearing Ryan go on and on about how he was trying to work something out with someone who wasn't Brendon.
He pulled up against the curb and stomped into his house. His dad was sitting in the armchair and was watching the news. He was pretty sure his mom went to pottery the first Tuesday of every month.
"Hey, Brendon," his dad said.
Brendon pushed his visor further down his forehead and he felt like Patrick. Hiding from the world through a single hat. "Hey dad. I'm gonna head up to bed."
His dad nodded and his attention got drawn back to the news.
Brendon hopped up the stairs and knocked on his brother John's door. It took a few seconds for him to come out but he eventually did.
John was in tenth grade, but he went to a different school. He couldn't stand the embarrassment of having to go to the same school as Brendon. Brendon didn't question it. He really didn't care.
"What do you want?"
He was in his "I hate the world" phase. Hopefully it wouldn't last as long as Ryan's did. Brendon shook the thought out of his head. This was going to be a Ryan-free night.
"Do you want the computer tonight? I'm beat, so it'll be no use to me."
John opened his mouth to say something but just gave Brendon a scrutinizing stare. "You don't get any of my nights."
Brendon nodded. "I know. Consider it a free night."
John pushed back Brendon muttering "Whatever" and came back seconds later with the laptop before he slammed the door in Brendon's face.
Brendon walked into his room and got some pajamas on silently. It felt like this was a new beginning. A new Brendon. One who wasn't going to put up with any shit.
He took his phone out of his pocket and set it on his dresser. He looked at it one final time and shut it off for good measure. He knew Ryan would call and he would just rather not deal with that for the time being.
He turned out his light and laid in his bed. He looked at the ceiling and he couldn't sleep.
---
Brendon finally went to bed around four in the morning, and woke up two hours to get ready for band. He could not wait for it to be November already. He could at least get an additional two hours of sleep every morning.
He was cranky and he already knew today was going to be a shitty day even before he got to band and they felt the need to do the same exact move for an hour straight.
Brendon made inappropriate comments under his breath about the drum major and the flute section but no one commented. Patrick shot him a lot of worried glances but he never said a word, which Brendon was glad.
He didn't know what he would say to him actually. He was in a sour mood, and even Pete noticed.
After rehearsal Pete bounded up to him, which was kind of weird because Patrick was nowhere near him. He merely glanced at Pete and Pete put his arm around Brendon.
Apparently Brendon didn't give 'leave me alone' vibes well enough, but Pete just started talking.
"So, can I have my gloomy cloud back?"
Brendon tried to ignore him, he really did, but Pete was in a good mood and just wouldn't shut up.
"Or you can keep it, but I'm kind of worried about me and Patrick's relationship now. See, you have my gloomy cloud, so I have your boundless energy and I don't know how Patrick's going to react to that."
Brendon just growled and stalked off in the opposite direction. Unfortunately Pete couldn't be deterred that easily. He ran to the middle of the hallway and waved his hand. "Alright, keep my gloomy cloud company. See you at lunch, Grumpy Bear."
There were kids that gave him looks in the hallway but he really didn't care. He could be in a sour mood and it didn't mean that it was the downfall of a century or anything.
That's how it went all day. Even during the worst parts of it he found himself daydreaming about Ryan, but instead of the wistful sigh that came with it, his frown just went lower. Thinking about Ryan wasn't cheering him up at all.
Patrick was right. This wasn't fair to Ryan. Brendon was right there. Brendon had been pretty much single for the better part of three years, always being there for Ryan and if Ryan couldn't see that, then maybe he needed glasses more than Brendon did.
But he would wait. If he was Patrick maybe he would grow a pair of balls and wait, but he knew it would never happen that way. He would always be there waiting for Ryan to come to his senses.
And of course to make this day beautiful compared to what it really was, Ryan showed up at his locker.
Brendon didn't acknowledge him at first, maybe he would go away. Brendon didn't want to sour his day with Brendon's bad mood.
"So, the rumors are true."
Brendon snorted, placing his pre-calc book on the top shelf. "What rumors," he inquired.
Ryan didn't say anything so Brendon looked over and he was leaning up against the lockers with an introverted look on his face. It wouldn't be so hard if Ryan wasn't so good looking.
Brendon could just imagine, in alternate realities, reasons Ryan could be standing there. Maybe he would be trying to entice Brendon. Or even just waiting for Brendon so they could skip fifth period.
But that day he was just his friend, just probably checking on him. Which he hadn't done in about a week.
"Are you mad at me?"
Brendon snorted and couldn't help but let the snarkiness bubble up from inside him to his words. "Guilty conscience?"
Ryan looked taken back by Brendon's comment, but just stuffed his hands in his pocket and looked unsure of himself. "No. It's just. You didn't go online last night."
Brendon slammed his locker shut. "And?"
Ryan jumped back at the disturbance in the hallway. "And, uh. You usually go on, it was Tuesday you know."
Brendon rolled his eyes; he just wanted Staci to come down the hallway so Ryan would be on his way before Brendon said something he would regret.
"I'm aware of what day it was." Brendon said shortly.
Then Ryan looked almost hurt. "And you shut your phone off. I called seven times last night."
Brendon shut his eyes and tried to count to ten. He ended up at five before he spoke again. He was so worried about Brendon but it didn't even matter.
"Why do you have to be so dense sometimes?"
Ryan narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean? I know you're in a sour mood but--"
Brendon groaned and looked up at the ceiling, stilling Ryan's angry little speech he probably had all figured out.
"Why can't you see what's in front of your face?" he asked, not even waiting for a response. He just stomped off in the other direction. He didn't want to turn around and see Ryan stare dumbly.
Once he got to fifth period, he felt bad about the entire outburst but there wasn't really anything he could do. What was done was done. Brendon was just going to have to deal with the consequences.
Part Two
Author: stfu_pwentzz
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon (background Pete/Patrick)
Beta: stitches_later
POV: Third; Brendon-centric
Summary: One day Ryan would notice him. Notice him in the way that Brendon wanted him to notice him.
Ryan would send him that one glance that would make Brendon's heart stop and things would be perfect. And Brendon would chastise him for taking forever to figure it out but it wouldn't matter. Because he did figure it out.
"You Belong To Me" songfic ~13,000 words
Disclaimer: AU. This is an act of fiction. I don’t own any of the characters just the plot. I also don't own Taylor Swift's song "You Belong With Me"
---
It's the last ten minute crunch of band rehearsal before the drum majors technically have to turn them loose. They aren't allowed to keep them past nine, because one of the freshman mother's complained.
Brendon always thought it was stupid for mothers to complain about stupid stuff like that, which is what his parents probably would have done if they were interested in his band stuff, but once he heard they had to let him out at a certain time he was excited.
Especially tonight. It was Tuesday and it was his day for the internet. Living with four brothers and sisters the laptop got passed around the house. They didn't have enough money for a computer so they just shared the laptop. And because Brendon was oldest he got Tuesday and Saturday.
The two most important nights in Brendon's opinion.
He heard the whistle signaling them to stop, and he stopped just in time from hitting Patrick right in the back with his quads. Patrick just raised an eyebrow, as Brendon tried to avoid his gaze. Patrick just naturally thought Brendon was clumsy, but he wasn't. He just didn't pay attention all the time.
Whatever. Brendon was one of Patrick's best friends; they didn't have to agree all the time. Brendon could think Patrick was too serious, and Patrick could think that he was clumsy. It was a perfect friendship.
Brendon tried to fix his drums so the outer ones were facing more in. He felt they played much better that way, even though the drum tech would disagree. What did he know anyway.
The drum majors dismissed them, and if Brendon didn't have a giant harness attached to his back he would have jumped for joy. He rose on his tip toes though, just so Patrick got the point that he was excited.
Patrick rolled his eyes and walked back to the building with Brendon. It was just the two of them because Pete, Patrick's boyfriend, who usually played the trombone, had a soccer game that night.
Patrick checked his phone, as they made it on the blacktop and smiled softly to himself. "Pete got benched," he said with a hint of affection in his tone.
Brendon laughed, and he got benched almost every other game. "What did that rascal do this time?"
Patrick was fiddling with his phone some more, before he had an answer. There was some clarinet sophomore holding the door open for them, with a slight twinkle in her eye.
Brendon nodded to her and thanked her and watched as her hair covered her face that turned a shade of red. "T-thanks Brendon."
Brendon felt kind of bad that he didn't even know her name. But that was short lived when Patrick got the answer he was looking for.
Patrick stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, which made Brendon actually run his drums into Patrick. "Jesus Christ, Trick!" Brendon yelled.
Patrick caught his balance, and where could Brendon learn to do that. It probably came with the hats. Patrick wore hats all the time. It was a black beanie at the moment. But usually it was baseball caps.
"Sorry, sorry. It's just. He molested the referee," Patrick told him and Brendon couldn't even wrap his head around that.
Pete liked to molest people, that was for sure, but he couldn't really believe that he would deliberately molest the referee of the soccer game. That could just not happen.
Brendon snatched Patrick's phone away from him, and started pressing buttons. Patrick tried aimlessly to grab it back, but he just poked Patrick hard in the back.
"Keep walking, Stump."
Patrick sighed and kept walking as Brendon read through his messages to Pete. Some of them he really didn't need to read, and now he was sure he wouldn't be able to look either of them in the eye for an entire day, but he found what he was looking for.
molestations a big word. it was more of a luv tap. a 'nice call, man' kinda thing
And that. That sounded a lot like Pete. Brendon started laughing and handed Patrick back his phone as they headed straight for the drum room.
"You have a real winner there," Brendon said, and Patrick wasn't as mad as he usually was. He still had the fond smile on his face and Brendon wasn't being sarcastic about it at all. Pete was good for Patrick. Sure, he was weird and reckless.
But he was completely in love with Patrick so it worked out for both of them.
Patrick lifted his snare off his back and yanked his hat over his eyes. "I love the kid, but Christ. Kevin and Mom keep asking me to bring him home to dinner. Do you know how awkward that's going to be?"
Brendon set his quads down and he understood. Completely. "I eat lunch with him everyday. If it's anything like that I feel bed for Kevin."
There was a lot of innuendoes and molestation at their lunch table. And Brendon wouldn't wish that on anyone, let alone poor, poor Kevin.
Patrick just laughed and Brendon followed him out the door. Patrick headed one way, to the middle school for the game and Brendon headed the other way so he could head to his ghastly purple minivan.
It wasn't much, but it was a car and that was the most Brendon could ask for. He hopped in and drove the two point three miles to his house. It technically was walking distance but he'd walked to and from school for the last three years and it was his senior year.
It was time to drive everywhere. Well, he did bum the occasional ride from his best friend Ryan usually, but not that often because Ryan's car was in the shop more often than it was in his driveway. There was so much wrong with his car that it wasn't even funny.
He pulled up to the curb grabbed his backpack and the new CD that Patrick was letting him borrow.
Apparently it was a good album. He couldn't tell who it was by because the album was in a different language. German or some shit like that. Could be Spanish for all he knew, it didn't matter. He didn't take either in high school.
He avoided his parents on his way in, not that it was that big of a deal. They usually didn't have anything good to say about Tuesday nights anyway. Tuesday night was that "band thing" he was doing to pass the time.
He floated passed them and practically ran into his room and sighed at the vision of the laptop on his desk. He closed and locked his door and turned it on.
He checked his email and sent a few replies back before he popped in the CD. It immediately started playing heavy rock and Brendon had to turn it down a few notches so he wouldn't get his laptop taken away. When he looked back at the screen he had two IMs waiting for him from Ryan.
Ryan: Ugh took you long enough.
Ryan: Save me?
Brendon smiled to himself before he answered him.
Brendon: Sure. What can I do for you today?
Ryan: Ugh. Staci's on the phone. I really fucked up this time.
Brendon: What...happened?
Ryan: Nah, you can say' what'd you do'
Brendon: Lol, fine. What'd you do?
Ryan: Made a comment about her mother
Brendon: Like an Ur mom joke?
Ryan: Yeah. It was a tough crowd apparently.
Brendon tried to stifle a laugh. He loved Ryan's 'your mom' jokes. They were pretty hilarious. But it seemed like his girlfriend didn't think so.
Which was crazy, because they were pretty funny.
Ryan: Can I call you in like ten minutes?
Brendon didn't even hesitate before he typed 'yes'. He didn't care that it was Tuesday and tonight was his only computer time. All he needed to know was Ryan wanted to talk to him and he would give up computer time for a month.
He couldn't help it. He was totally and irrevocably in love with his best friend and it had a when Ryan says Jump, Brendon asks 'how high?' effect.
Most days it was harder and harder to hide it. Ryan was just amazing. Then there were nights like tonight when his stupid girlfriend just made him so sad and upset and Brendon wanted to tell her off. Or something. He wanted to do something to help, but he knew he never would or could.
He signed off the computer and less than ten minutes later Ryan was calling his phone.
As soon as the first note for his ringtone came into Brendon's earshot, he grew the largest smile. "Hey."
---
Staci was Ryan's type. She was a cheerleader so that meant that she was pretty social. She was social when Ryan was not. They evened out. Actually, Brendon was sure that she was captain of the cheerleaders, so she had power. Something Brendon did not.
She pretty much looked like any other cheerleader out there. She had long legs, stick thin, blonde hair, smelled like a field of flowers; the works. Pretty much everything Brendon wasn't. She was pretty, blonde, and more importantly, a girl.
Ryan had a type and that fit Staci to a tee. Short shirt, short skirt, high heels and boobs.
Brendon was shorter than Ryan, with brown hair and a giant ass. He didn't have long legs and he played quads in marching band. He wore
T-shirts with converse and sometimes he had to wear glasses. Black, thick rimmed glasses at that.
He was Ryan's best friend, but there wasn't a day that went by when Brendon didn't wish they were more.
He knew Ryan wasn't perfect. Ryan had a temper, and when something was wrong he would never admit it. He liked to act like his home life was perfect when in fact it was not. He was stubborn, and no matter how many times Brendon would try, Ryan could never give up the juicy delicious taste that was red meat.
That didn't stop any of his feelings. He knew this went above and beyond any feelings someone was supposed to have for their best friend. They could hug, but not embrace. They could talk everyday, but not have heart to hearts. And they could never look at the other all the time.
Brendon failed on all accounts.
It kind of fueled his crush, though. He knew everything about Ryan. He always learned new things but there was always that foundation underneath. He knew what Ryan's most secret dreams were. He knew how bad Ryan wanted to just get up and leave this town. Be a rockstar, or a writer, but most of all Ryan just wanted to be famous.
Brendon just wanted Ryan to succeed.
The thing that was worse about the entire situation, Brendon knew that they were meant to be. He could see it in every look, every glance, and every phone call. One day Ryan would notice him. Notice him in the way that Brendon wanted him to notice him.
Ryan would send him that one glance, that would make Brendon's heart stop and things would be perfect. And Brendon would chastise him for taking forever to figure it out but it wouldn't matter. Because he did figure it out.
But until that day Brendon was just stuck on the phone listening to the problems between him and Staci and how smokin' hot this girl from second hour was.
---
They were losing pretty badly by the time the marching band got on the field for halftime. They were doing a Rolling Stones show, because of Patrick's badgering. Patrick's badgering and Pete harassing everyone until they agreed. In Brendon's opinion they didn't do the 'Stones justice.
The arrangements kind of sucked. And that wasn't even counting the colorguard. That was a totally different category of fail.
The drumline was set up on the away team's fifty yard line. The show was about to start, and Brendon was hoping for a single point, even if that wasn't possible. Hoping for a mere six points seemed like it was asking for much. They didn't need the touchdown, just the field goal and Brendon would be happy.
The seconds ran down and of course they didn't get any points. It was 24-0 at the end of the first half.
The show was no better, actually. The brass section rushed through the second song, half of the colorguard forgot their flags and the clarinets went to the wrong spots most of the time. But the good news was that they were improving.
They went back to the bleachers and Brendon smiled as there was a boy in a leather jacket sitting in his seat, holding a blanket. Brendon felt a little like The Grinch, because he felt his heart grow two sizes. This was not safe because Brendon’s heart enlarged whenever he was in a five feet radius of Ryan.
He smiled at Brendon and Christ he smelled so nice. When Brendon and Patrick came to sit down, he immediately got up and handed Brendon the blanket.
"Aren't you supposed to be down by the cheerleaders?" Brendon asked, snuggling into the blanket. It was Ryan's comfy blanket and he held on to it for dear life. But he always brought it to Brendon when either he was sick or the games were incredibly cold. But Brendon was sure he was the only other person besides Ryan that was allowed to use it.
Ryan shrugged and took a spot on the stairs to sit next to Brendon and Patrick. "Nah, they're kind of boring, and it I was over there I couldn't tell you guys how awesome the band did."
Brendon glanced at Patrick and glanced back at Ryan, with a disbelieving look.
Ryan looked offended and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Alright. But, you and Trick did awesome."
Brendon nodded. He could agree to those terms. He felt his body turn more towards Ryan and less towards Patrick, and it was probably gravity telling him that he was supposed to be melted to Ryan.
Or something really cheesy like that. "My hands are freezing!" Ryan complained.
Brendon tied the blanket around his neck like a cape, and grabbed Ryan's hands out of his pockets. He wrapped Ryan's hands in the blanket, with his hands holding onto them on the outside. They were kind of holding hands, but Brendon would just use the excuse that his hands were cold.
He rubbed his hands over Ryan's hands. "Well, you're the idiot who thought it was going to be warm in October. Football season is always cold."
Ryan smiled and hit him in the shoulder. "Yeah, keep on calling me an idiot, Urie."
Brendon smiled back. It didn't reach his eyes, but he felt like it might start blinding some people. "Maybe I will,"
Ryan was just staring at him, and Brendon thought Yes! This is it. Here's the moment! when all of a sudden there was a blonde head bobbing up the fence in front of them.
It was Staci. Of course. She looked a little pissed but tried to hide it with the smile, and oh how Brendon hated her.
"Ry bear, where'd you go?" She asked, sounding nettled but still smiling nonetheless.
Brendon let go of Ryan's hands, and Ryan took his hands out of the blanket. "I went to hang out with Bren,"
Staci smiled, and motioned for him to come to the fence. Brendon had a feeling Ryan was gonna be in a little bit of trouble for ditching his girlfriend, but he really didn't feel bad for her. It wasn't like he left the football game.
Ryan gave Brendon a sideways hug. "See ya later, B," he said out loud. He went closer to Brendon's ear and whispered "After the fight."
Brendon just smiled at him and watched him follow Staci back to the part of the stands that the cheerleaders were performing at.
He didn't know if he was staring at inappropriate body parts or sighing but he got yanked out by Patrick. "Kid, you got it bad."
Brendon turned to look at Patrick and wanted to hit the dumb little smirk off his face.
"The only thing I got bad is frostbite."
Patrick rolled his eyes, and yanked some of the blanket so he could have some, which made it untie around Brendon's neck and fall to the ground. Brendon faux glared at Patrick and picked it up so it was on both of their laps.
"You don't know what you're talking about Patrick."
Patrick's gaze altered, and his voice got quieter. It seemed as if the audience's volume turned down too. "I was in jail, Urie. For a whole two days. You don't know the kind of things I saw."
Brendon shot him an incredulous look. "Jail?" If that was true, that would explain why Pete kept singing "Jailhouse Rock" whenever he had the chance.
Patrick nodded solemnly but the semi serious moment was ruined by Pete leaning on both of their shoulders.
"Yeah, Patty here got put in jail because," he cleared his voice and started singing Bon Jovi. Brendon laughed as Pete rang out with "You give love a bad name"
Patrick shoved him, and glared. "Shut up. You ruined it. Aren't you supposed to be in the trombone section?"
Pete looked down and smiled at Patrick. "I am in the trombone section." Brendon didn't know how Patrick could forget because Pete was always sitting behind them, even though he insisted on sitting in Patrick's lap.
Patrick shrugged Pete's arm off of him, and Pete's arm just naturally fell off Brendon's arm.
"Well, go get me a mountain dew then!" Patrick yelled, hitting Pete on the thigh. Pete saluted and ran off to the concession stand. "Sometimes I love how he's occassionally obediant."
Brendon rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you are. But, jail?"
Because that was more important than talking about Pete.
Patrick bit his lip. "My mom's tags expired and I didn't realize it, and they told me but I blew them off. Don't blow off the cops."
Brendon didn't plan on blowing off any cops. He shifted his foot and it knocked into something metal. He decided to investigate and it was a metal thermos.
He opened it and it was filled with hot chocolate, his favorite. He stood up, taking the blanket with him as Patrick complained and tried to look for Ryan in the crowd. He found him sitting, but must have realized someone was looking at him.
He looked over at Brendon and waved. Brendon held up the thermos and Ryan simply gave him a thumbs up. Brendon sat back down, the blanket pooling on the bench.
Patrick smirked again. "I guess you're not the only one who has it bad."
Brendon didn't say anything until Pete came running up holding eight different bottles of pop. "They didn't have mountain dew and I didn't know what you wanted."
Brendon snorted and he didn't even care if anyone heard. Pete was the biggest dork on the planet.
---
They didn't lose as bad as Brendon thought they were going to. It was a close game 18-24. Pete and Patrick left early, said they were going to head over to Pete's house, and Brendon blocked out the rest of what they were saying.
He was dressed in his regular clothes. A t-shirt and some jeans. It was what he was most comfortable in. He was back in the stands looking for Ryan. He knew Ryan loved sitting the stands after the game when no one was there. He was a strange kid, but Brendon usually stayed with him.
Brendon didn't have to wait long until he found Ryan. Ryan was sitting in the marching band section, just watching the janitors fix the field up. The scoreboard kept lighting up the score, with the school's logo flashing occassionally.
Brendon sat next to Ryan and they just watched the men pick up the loose papers and cups, and grass that came up.
"Where's Staci?" Brendon asked.
Ryan gestured towards the parking lot. "All the girls went to go get some food. And by food I mean a carrot and water."
Brendon snorted again, and instead of Ryan making fun of him he just shoulder bumped him.
"I'm serious. I brought her some hot chocolate and she threw it on the ground because it had whole milk in it and she cried that she was gonna be fat and no one was going to love her."
Brendon nodded. That kind of sounded like something she would say. "Well, you wanna go get some whole milk ice cream? I kind of don't want to go home right now."
Ryan got up, and took the blanket from Brendon's hands. "Sure, let's go. I don't wanna go home either."
---
The moon was out, and it was lighting their walkway. It was close to midnight and they were just walking aimlessly around some park. There wasn't really anyone in the park and if they did see someone it was going to be like a rapist or a pedo or something.
He told Ryan that.
"Don't worry, I'll save you're pretty little ass." He confided in Ryan. He tried to show off his guns, which only made the ice cream drip on his hand.
He tried to lick it off his hand but Ryan was just chuckling. "Yeah, you're going to fucking entice a rapist with your fucking tongue. And if anyone will get assraped it'll be you."
Brendon stopped, and settled onto the nearest bench. Ryan sat next to him almost immediately. Brendon didn't know why they got some ice cream when it was freezing out, but it still tasted pretty good.
Ryan was still wearing his leather jacket and Brendon just naturally kept warm. They sat at the bench, looking out into the darkness for a long time without saying anything. That was the thing about them, they didn't have to say anything and they could keep good company.
And it just felt right. Not a lot of things felt as right as this did. Going to school, leading a normal life, being in love with your best friend who had a girlfriend: those didn't feel right. But sitting on a bench, not saying a word just the presence of each other to keep them company: that felt so right.
Brendon looked over to Ryan, and he was looking up at the stars, ice cream dripping on the bench and it looked like he didnt' even care.
Ryan blinked and tilted his head towards Brendon. "What is there something on my face?"
Brendon couldn't even see if there was but he still told him no. Ryan smiled and just leaned back but didn't look at the stars; he was still staring at Brendon.
When Ryan smiled like that, it lit up the entire city. Not even one of Brendon's smiles had the power to do that to people, it was unfair. He didn't smile often but when he did, when it grew wide and he let some teeth show, which was the coolest thing he's ever seen.
It makes Brendon stop and think everything was going to be okay.
Mostly he smiled with Brendon a lot, but recently he wasn't smiling at all. Not even with Brendon.
Brendon knew why. Of course he knew why. Anyone with two eyes could see that Staci and Ryan's relationship was wearing him down. They fought constantly and she flirted with practically everyone to get Ryan to "ship up" or something.
It wasn't like Ryan was a bad boyfriend. He was attentive, it was just when he got really passionate about something he shut everyone out, and Staci probably didn't like that.
Brendon couldn't lie and say Ryan's never shut him out. He's been locked out of Ryan's room many of times because he was working on some masterpiece of writing.
Sometimes he wished he could just watch him write. He's seen him jot some stuff down in English, and his eyes glaze out of focus when he gets an idea, and he just writes and writes and writes without stopping.
"Are you?"
Brendon blinked out of his daydream state and looked at Ryan again. "What?"
"Don't ignore me, asshole. I asked if you were going to the concert in two weeks." Ryan asked again.
Brendon thrummed in his veins. "Of course I am. Pete and Patrick are playing too. But, if anyone asks, we're playing video games at your house all night."
Ryan nodded. "Awesome. We should totally sit together so we can get creamed by all the moshers," Ryan looked up like this was the best idea he's ever had, when in fact it was not. Moshing didn't sit well with Brendon. He didn't mind being pushed back at a concert, but there were elbows and fists in a pit, and Brendon bruised pretty damn easily.
Brendon still scoffed though "Yeah, how about not." He knew Ryan knew he was talking about moshing not going together because they always went to concerts together. It was kind of cool. "Is Staci going to come?"
Ryan shook his head and Brendon watched his features visibly shut down. He hated when he did that. When Ryan didn't want to talk about something he would just shut down. This happened before, but usually he would come to Brendon a little bit, especially about his dad, but this must be worse somehow.
"Are you okay?"
Ryan smiled, but it was forced. Brendon could just tell. "Yeah, I'm fine." Brendon could see through every lie Ryan's ever said. He could see right through every single 'fine' and see the truth.
He just wondered why Ryan would stay with someone who just made him feel crappy about himself. It wasn't Brendon's place to say anything though. It was Ryan's business.
Brendon took the last couple bites of his ice cream cone and elbowed Ryan in the chest. "Come on, let's go home. I don't want you tired tomorrow when we go skating."
Ryan rolled his eyes, but he still wasn't his snarky self, but it was something.
---
It was just another Wednesday at school. Pete and Patrick were silently talking about something and Brendon was fiddling with whatever was for lunch that day. They said it was salad, but Brendon didn't really believe them. It doesn't look edible, let alone salad.
Brendon scanned the cafeteria and like everyday his eyes landed on Ryan and Staci's table, which was the cheerleader table. For once Ryan wasn't smiling; he was just playing with his food too. Staci was still talking animatedly to her friends, but Ryan looked sad almost.
"You know some days I think you should sit over there. It seems you’re more over at that table than at this table."
Brendon looked over to Patrick. He scrunched his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"
Patrick rolled his eyes. "You block us out most days, and you're looking over at Ryan's table. It's like your there."
Brendon took a large gulp of his milk, and that's not how it happened. His gaze might land on Ryan's table occassionally. But he wasn't missing out on any dire conversations.
Pete elbowed him. "Yeah, you're at the jailbird table. Your attention has to stay here, or we'll shank you," Pete informed him and whatever Pete was an asshole. Pete's opinion didn't matter.
He was still interested though.
"What did you do to go in jail?"
Pete frowned. "Sodomy is illegal in seventeen states, including this one," he said, strangely with a straight face. Almost immediately Patrick hit him in the back of the head. Brendon was laughing even though he really didn't need to hear about that.
Even though he did, all the time. Pete had some serious problems, but he felt that their personal, private sex life should be public knowledge. Patrick and Brendon were both on the same team in this argument.
Brendon sighed and looked over and Ryan was writing in his notebook that he carried with him everywhere, and it was just so inspiring. He wished that he had something that he could do that made him feel as good as that.
He felt Patrick sigh next to him. "I love you, Ben, and this is the only reason I'm saying this. Don't get pissed, okay?"
Brendon glared at him. If Patrick didn't want him to get pissed that meant that he probably meant he would get pissed. He motioned for him to get to his point.
Patrick took a giant breath, and pushed his hat down further on his head as if that could hide him from something.
"Boy needs to shit or get off the pot."
Brendon crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't even know what that was supposed to mean. "What the fuck does that mean. I thought Pete was the cryptic one."
Which was true. Half the time Pete didn't make sense, but usually Patrick made perfect sense. Patrick gave him sad eyes, which made Brendon feel like Patrick was giving him pity.
"All I'm saying is Ryan needs to get with the program. He needs to realize what you mean to him and you can't wait for him forever. It's not fair to you."
Brendon blinked, and what Patrick was saying really came into perspective. Patrick could even see that they were meant to be, but Ryan couldn't.
But Brendon would wait for Ryan as long as it would take. But when was enough...enough? It had been three years. He's been waiting for Ryan to realize his fawning eyes their entire high school career. Realize how Ryan and Brendon acted wasn't how best friends acted, but people who were dancing around each other.
He took another look at the cheerleader table but this time he wasn't looking at Ryan, he was looking at Staci. She was Ryan's girlfriend and she wasn't even acting like it was the biggest honor. Some days she acted like being Ryan Ross' girlfriend was the biggest chore in the world.
It wouldn't be for Ryan. Not his girlfriend, but just being with Ryan like that.
She had everything going for her. She was blonde, pretty, probably homecoming queen, a cheerleader, popular, and she had an amazing boyfriend; the ladder that she took for granted.
He looked back at Patrick. "No, I can wait. I can."
Patrick gave him a sad look again but Brendon didn't say anything, kept just eating his inedible salad.
---
Brendon really hated when they closed up the smoothie shop later than usual. No one really needed the most intricate smoothie at 10:01, no one.
He was so pissed off at that freaking customer, and he was pissed at his boss who was taking forever to count down the drawer. He had to give up marching band rehearsal for this because neither would budge. And most of all he was pissed off at Patrick for clouding his mind for the last week.
It had been a week where he had barely seen Ryan and every time he had Patrick's words just rang in his head. He couldn't do this forever. He couldn't wait for Ryan forever. But he could. He could wait another year, at least.
But then there was a voice that said, what if Ryan never realizes what if Ryan never understands that they are supposed to be together. As unlikely as it is, because of the way they act every single day.
Brendon was just so unhappy when he got out of work he just ended up driving around for an hour after he got off. He just needed to blow some steam off. He had been on edge for an entire week because Patrick was kind of right. Just maybe not in those words.
Brendon had always been there for Ryan. He was always right there in front of his eyes, and he needed to see that and end it with Staci so Brendon could have some peace in his life.
He couldn't handle all this heartbreak. Everytime he seen Ryan, looked at Ryan, spoke to Ryan his heart was in his eyes, and it was pouring out of his very soul. He didn't know how Ryan could do that.
He eventually found himself parked outside Ryan's window. He was just watching him pace back and forth. He was on his cellphone, and he seemed to be yelling so Staci must've been on the phone.
Brendon was just watching him and this is kind of how it was every day. Brendon was there, waiting, just watching Ryan and Ryan didn't even know he was there.
Brendon just watched and waited and eventually Ryan noticed him sitting out there and he walked up to his window. He pressed a palm up to his window and Brendon smiled. He couldn't help it. Ryan just made Brendon want to smile constantly.
Brendon put a palm up to his car window, and the only thing separating their palms was time and space and girlfriends and walls and other stupid shit. But if none of that existed their palms would be touching.
Ryan lifted his palm up and put the phone to the crook of his shoulder. He mimed typing on a keyboard and Brendon nodded. It was Tuesday; he was supposed to have the computer that night.
Ryan beamed out the window, then immediately lost it as he picked the phone back up and started to yell.
Brendon lost his smile too and drove to his house. He wasn't going to go online. Ryan could handle one Tuesday where he would complain and complain about his girlfriend who wasn't him.
Or how he wrote a poem or story for her. He just wouldn't be able to handle hearing Ryan go on and on about how he was trying to work something out with someone who wasn't Brendon.
He pulled up against the curb and stomped into his house. His dad was sitting in the armchair and was watching the news. He was pretty sure his mom went to pottery the first Tuesday of every month.
"Hey, Brendon," his dad said.
Brendon pushed his visor further down his forehead and he felt like Patrick. Hiding from the world through a single hat. "Hey dad. I'm gonna head up to bed."
His dad nodded and his attention got drawn back to the news.
Brendon hopped up the stairs and knocked on his brother John's door. It took a few seconds for him to come out but he eventually did.
John was in tenth grade, but he went to a different school. He couldn't stand the embarrassment of having to go to the same school as Brendon. Brendon didn't question it. He really didn't care.
"What do you want?"
He was in his "I hate the world" phase. Hopefully it wouldn't last as long as Ryan's did. Brendon shook the thought out of his head. This was going to be a Ryan-free night.
"Do you want the computer tonight? I'm beat, so it'll be no use to me."
John opened his mouth to say something but just gave Brendon a scrutinizing stare. "You don't get any of my nights."
Brendon nodded. "I know. Consider it a free night."
John pushed back Brendon muttering "Whatever" and came back seconds later with the laptop before he slammed the door in Brendon's face.
Brendon walked into his room and got some pajamas on silently. It felt like this was a new beginning. A new Brendon. One who wasn't going to put up with any shit.
He took his phone out of his pocket and set it on his dresser. He looked at it one final time and shut it off for good measure. He knew Ryan would call and he would just rather not deal with that for the time being.
He turned out his light and laid in his bed. He looked at the ceiling and he couldn't sleep.
---
Brendon finally went to bed around four in the morning, and woke up two hours to get ready for band. He could not wait for it to be November already. He could at least get an additional two hours of sleep every morning.
He was cranky and he already knew today was going to be a shitty day even before he got to band and they felt the need to do the same exact move for an hour straight.
Brendon made inappropriate comments under his breath about the drum major and the flute section but no one commented. Patrick shot him a lot of worried glances but he never said a word, which Brendon was glad.
He didn't know what he would say to him actually. He was in a sour mood, and even Pete noticed.
After rehearsal Pete bounded up to him, which was kind of weird because Patrick was nowhere near him. He merely glanced at Pete and Pete put his arm around Brendon.
Apparently Brendon didn't give 'leave me alone' vibes well enough, but Pete just started talking.
"So, can I have my gloomy cloud back?"
Brendon tried to ignore him, he really did, but Pete was in a good mood and just wouldn't shut up.
"Or you can keep it, but I'm kind of worried about me and Patrick's relationship now. See, you have my gloomy cloud, so I have your boundless energy and I don't know how Patrick's going to react to that."
Brendon just growled and stalked off in the opposite direction. Unfortunately Pete couldn't be deterred that easily. He ran to the middle of the hallway and waved his hand. "Alright, keep my gloomy cloud company. See you at lunch, Grumpy Bear."
There were kids that gave him looks in the hallway but he really didn't care. He could be in a sour mood and it didn't mean that it was the downfall of a century or anything.
That's how it went all day. Even during the worst parts of it he found himself daydreaming about Ryan, but instead of the wistful sigh that came with it, his frown just went lower. Thinking about Ryan wasn't cheering him up at all.
Patrick was right. This wasn't fair to Ryan. Brendon was right there. Brendon had been pretty much single for the better part of three years, always being there for Ryan and if Ryan couldn't see that, then maybe he needed glasses more than Brendon did.
But he would wait. If he was Patrick maybe he would grow a pair of balls and wait, but he knew it would never happen that way. He would always be there waiting for Ryan to come to his senses.
And of course to make this day beautiful compared to what it really was, Ryan showed up at his locker.
Brendon didn't acknowledge him at first, maybe he would go away. Brendon didn't want to sour his day with Brendon's bad mood.
"So, the rumors are true."
Brendon snorted, placing his pre-calc book on the top shelf. "What rumors," he inquired.
Ryan didn't say anything so Brendon looked over and he was leaning up against the lockers with an introverted look on his face. It wouldn't be so hard if Ryan wasn't so good looking.
Brendon could just imagine, in alternate realities, reasons Ryan could be standing there. Maybe he would be trying to entice Brendon. Or even just waiting for Brendon so they could skip fifth period.
But that day he was just his friend, just probably checking on him. Which he hadn't done in about a week.
"Are you mad at me?"
Brendon snorted and couldn't help but let the snarkiness bubble up from inside him to his words. "Guilty conscience?"
Ryan looked taken back by Brendon's comment, but just stuffed his hands in his pocket and looked unsure of himself. "No. It's just. You didn't go online last night."
Brendon slammed his locker shut. "And?"
Ryan jumped back at the disturbance in the hallway. "And, uh. You usually go on, it was Tuesday you know."
Brendon rolled his eyes; he just wanted Staci to come down the hallway so Ryan would be on his way before Brendon said something he would regret.
"I'm aware of what day it was." Brendon said shortly.
Then Ryan looked almost hurt. "And you shut your phone off. I called seven times last night."
Brendon shut his eyes and tried to count to ten. He ended up at five before he spoke again. He was so worried about Brendon but it didn't even matter.
"Why do you have to be so dense sometimes?"
Ryan narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean? I know you're in a sour mood but--"
Brendon groaned and looked up at the ceiling, stilling Ryan's angry little speech he probably had all figured out.
"Why can't you see what's in front of your face?" he asked, not even waiting for a response. He just stomped off in the other direction. He didn't want to turn around and see Ryan stare dumbly.
Once he got to fifth period, he felt bad about the entire outburst but there wasn't really anything he could do. What was done was done. Brendon was just going to have to deal with the consequences.
Part Two