all the thoughts lead back to you
::my words are cold i dont want them to hurt you
if i show you i dont think youd understand::
in the past months, ive cried myself to sleep, written begging emails, sent begging txts, made begging phone calls...ive also then given up on everything because none of those were answered. Then...when i start to walk forward, when i start to see that ill be okay, when i finally start to learn to breathe without you, just as i tell you im doing okay, THATS when it hits you hard that this could be the real deal. It neve occurred to you before that i might actually just take a long breath in and say "okay. okay im done, im strong and i can be okay." and when i did, it took you by suprise, you never thought id walk away. But..i never thought you would all those times. My body has fought a good fight, its been through SO many ups and downs and now im struggling to get back my strength and my will power, my trust, ALL the trust inside of me. I dont have that any more. How can i fight for something that it based on trust if my bodys done fighting and i have no trust? I never thought id be able to do this, i never thought the tables would turn completely. But i did. And they have. If only you knew.
i didnt lie when i said id fight for you, i did, i hope u realize that.
I was just talking to Tracie again and she said some things that made sense...she said "you can only fight so hard for so long, until theres nothing that can be done. and why spend that time crying when u can spend it trying to move on and just being okay?" and she said "justin and i would never be where we are if we hadnt broken up after highschool and experienced seperate lives...it has made us stronger because we ended up coming back together, after my engagement and his stuff...that shows that this was really meant to be. Fate brought us back together because something knew that we were supposed to be". Thatr makes me feel a little better. I KNOW this hurts im is so much pain doing this, and a part of me wishes everything could change...but then i know that i need to be strong as well, and i think somehwere you know that too.
if i show you i dont think youd understand::
in the past months, ive cried myself to sleep, written begging emails, sent begging txts, made begging phone calls...ive also then given up on everything because none of those were answered. Then...when i start to walk forward, when i start to see that ill be okay, when i finally start to learn to breathe without you, just as i tell you im doing okay, THATS when it hits you hard that this could be the real deal. It neve occurred to you before that i might actually just take a long breath in and say "okay. okay im done, im strong and i can be okay." and when i did, it took you by suprise, you never thought id walk away. But..i never thought you would all those times. My body has fought a good fight, its been through SO many ups and downs and now im struggling to get back my strength and my will power, my trust, ALL the trust inside of me. I dont have that any more. How can i fight for something that it based on trust if my bodys done fighting and i have no trust? I never thought id be able to do this, i never thought the tables would turn completely. But i did. And they have. If only you knew.
i didnt lie when i said id fight for you, i did, i hope u realize that.
I was just talking to Tracie again and she said some things that made sense...she said "you can only fight so hard for so long, until theres nothing that can be done. and why spend that time crying when u can spend it trying to move on and just being okay?" and she said "justin and i would never be where we are if we hadnt broken up after highschool and experienced seperate lives...it has made us stronger because we ended up coming back together, after my engagement and his stuff...that shows that this was really meant to be. Fate brought us back together because something knew that we were supposed to be". Thatr makes me feel a little better. I KNOW this hurts im is so much pain doing this, and a part of me wishes everything could change...but then i know that i need to be strong as well, and i think somehwere you know that too.