?
when did this transformation begin? this transformation into unknown territory we call real life. when did our relationships begin to get more serious and we let things get to us more. i miss my grade school relationships, how simple they were. im scared of life always being like this. we constantly have to put ourselves on the line in order to achieve something that could possibly, but not for certain, be great. something that we don't see anywhere else at the time. that's why i hold myself back. maybe im putting off being hurt, i can't really tell. i had no idea how bad emotional pain could be before i got into college. and when i think of the future, i can only think of the pain becoming more serious. it's depressing i guess, but im scared of it. i want to put off growing up and having a really serious relationship. with marriage and kids and everything. sometimes im scared my life revolves around others and my relationships, maybe that's why i can't strengthen others, im constantly distracted. i never really worry about myself. only myself and others or only others. why do i care so much? its a vice. perfect make up but you're barely scrapping by. im scared of this being the downhill slide into shit. i love what sarah said, its my favorite and has a great perspective, i think the phone conversation went a little like this:
stevie> *crying* im just sad. i feel like i have no one to go to. everyone else has it together, they're happy. they just all seem happy. so comfortable with where they are.
sarah> do you think most people consider you happy?
stevie> eh?
sarah> do you think most people would consider you happy? like you're in a good mood most the time and you're happy with life?
stevie> well... i guess i typically act like im in a good mood around people. like im playful. yeah i guess some people would consider me a happy, no worries person.
sarah> but you're crying about how sad you are right now. you think that all those people you think are so happy aren't sitting there crying about how sad they are sometimes. you do it. its all an act. no one is truly happy right now.
it's weird to think how people might act when they're by themselves. what they do in their alone time. its like even the guys you would not expect it from watch porn. it's weird when you find out they do. im nieve about how people really are sometimes. i guess what i feel is normal, but i don't want it to be like this anymore. take it easy. be myself. ahhhh sighs of patient relief. i hate blaming the place. i know tommorow ill be exclaiming how much i love college again. these ups and downs are crazy.
did i pass you by? regrets anyone?
stevie> *crying* im just sad. i feel like i have no one to go to. everyone else has it together, they're happy. they just all seem happy. so comfortable with where they are.
sarah> do you think most people consider you happy?
stevie> eh?
sarah> do you think most people would consider you happy? like you're in a good mood most the time and you're happy with life?
stevie> well... i guess i typically act like im in a good mood around people. like im playful. yeah i guess some people would consider me a happy, no worries person.
sarah> but you're crying about how sad you are right now. you think that all those people you think are so happy aren't sitting there crying about how sad they are sometimes. you do it. its all an act. no one is truly happy right now.
it's weird to think how people might act when they're by themselves. what they do in their alone time. its like even the guys you would not expect it from watch porn. it's weird when you find out they do. im nieve about how people really are sometimes. i guess what i feel is normal, but i don't want it to be like this anymore. take it easy. be myself. ahhhh sighs of patient relief. i hate blaming the place. i know tommorow ill be exclaiming how much i love college again. these ups and downs are crazy.
did i pass you by? regrets anyone?