life
yay, life is being normal. What it does best, she's a bitch. I know not all is bad I'm just not in a good mood. I will begin however by listing what at least is good. Most recently I found out that I am related to the author of treasure island, so that's pretty cool. I've got some nifty ancestors, ship builders and loyalists and the like. This news came from my grandfather he still may need heart surgery but I still don't know. My D&D campaigne is keeping me amused to some degree and gives me some creative outlet. Also I'm finding my classes to be pretty interesting. Also a somewhat astrainged freind of mine has been making himself more available to converse with. and now the bitch fest, I'm just venting on here as it seems to help to spew this stuff into some forum because it seems more released rather than hiding in a book on my shelf brooding. The most tragic of my lifes events right now is the death of a fine man. My Grandmothers friend, companion, and neighbor, he died the other day two days after being given morphine to ease his pain. Most of the troubles Garth faced were undoubtably a result the ample drinking of many of his younger years. Ugh I sound like I'm writing an obutuary, though in a way I guess I am. I respected and still do respect him, he made my Nena happy, and he was a very kind man. I will miss him, and it raised questions in me about what has become of his mind, though my beliefe of simple oblivion remains present I believe the kets had it right when they celebrated ones life upon their passing. I hope that his last moments in this world were as peacefulas the doctors say they were. I now worry for both my grand parents, my Nena because she is now heartbroken over the loss of her dearest friend, my grandad in the possability of major heart surgery, and it reminds me of my one true fear of loss.
Recently I've been having nightmares, not horrifying scare you into a cold sweat but, unsettling, and fearful leaving my away in the early morning unsettled and not comforted by what sleep I had. They have been simple things like fear of a hight shrinking away from a ledge cowereing for fear the ground will give way, I have no fear of hights at all. I also fear for my friendships, I've not been spending much time with many of my friends I've hardly been to kung fu in the past 2 or 3 months and my relation with more than one of my friends is wearing thin in danger of breaking. I feel alone, I feel I have nothing to do and dont feel all that welcome in most groups anymore. I've been hiding in online games lately thwaring monsters and anonymously conversing with ambiguous persons from locations and cultures unknown. Judging by the air of this I am sliding toward some form of depression or another. I've been feeling very alone, what romantic interests I have seem to be waning swiftly, the blizzards are not helping my mood or options much either. Also there is the minor fact that I again must share my house with three dogs for which I do not care but am in ways resposible for as I am home most often.
now the petty stuff, I'm hungry but there's not much worth cooking as we need to go shopping, and those dogs follow my every footstep in the kitchen. My decent headphones stopped working yesterday, and i have a higher than normal libido and no satisfying outlet for it at the moment. Life goes on.
Recently I've been having nightmares, not horrifying scare you into a cold sweat but, unsettling, and fearful leaving my away in the early morning unsettled and not comforted by what sleep I had. They have been simple things like fear of a hight shrinking away from a ledge cowereing for fear the ground will give way, I have no fear of hights at all. I also fear for my friendships, I've not been spending much time with many of my friends I've hardly been to kung fu in the past 2 or 3 months and my relation with more than one of my friends is wearing thin in danger of breaking. I feel alone, I feel I have nothing to do and dont feel all that welcome in most groups anymore. I've been hiding in online games lately thwaring monsters and anonymously conversing with ambiguous persons from locations and cultures unknown. Judging by the air of this I am sliding toward some form of depression or another. I've been feeling very alone, what romantic interests I have seem to be waning swiftly, the blizzards are not helping my mood or options much either. Also there is the minor fact that I again must share my house with three dogs for which I do not care but am in ways resposible for as I am home most often.
now the petty stuff, I'm hungry but there's not much worth cooking as we need to go shopping, and those dogs follow my every footstep in the kitchen. My decent headphones stopped working yesterday, and i have a higher than normal libido and no satisfying outlet for it at the moment. Life goes on.