ive been blah.
so moving was ok. i didnt do it all yet i decided not to move today, even god took a break. but, i indeedi needed one. ive been extremely sad the past couple of days. i have been crying involuntarily and i cant seem to shake it. like, its just the whole...moving. when i got myself comfortable in my last home i could shape it into a bubble like place where my life didnt have to focus on that one thing. but i focused on other things. disturbing things, yes, but bearable things. because one thing i hate more than the cutting and the not eating and the insomnia is the crying uncontrollably. its ok to cry when i say to cry and then have the power to say, ok you can stop now. but when it hits when i walk to the grocery and remember that yes, i used to buy groceries..and when i walk past a store with furniture and think, yes i used to have furniture....i cry. when a song comes on, i cry, i write about it, i cry. im just a big blob of never ending tears and its annoying. sigh. im done. im going to take more sleeping pills and sleep for another 9 hours.