Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
Happy Earth Day! Oh, this day takes me back to the times of Moyer when we would plant little trees and spend the entire day discussing how awesome our planet is. God, I miss that. Now, I will be sleeping the whole day and going into work at 11 pm. Not exactly my idea of a celebration, but whatever. Anyways, I know that I am not doing enough for our planet. I am no litterbug or anything, but I could definitely be more eco-friendly. That is definitely something for me to be thinking about. Perhaps a marathon of Planet Earth and Life this weekend will help to put my ass in gear!
Unfortunately, my weekend is going to be crazy busy. Saturday I have to go straight from work to Columbus for Lauren's baby shower. Sunday, I am going to church, driving to Dayton right after for Amy's bridal shower, and then going straight to my book club. And on Monday, I have my church group from 6:30-8:30. Ay yi yi! Why do I sign myself up for all of these things? Okay, it's obvious why. I genuinely enjoy involving myself in organized activities. I get an enormous amount of joy knowing that every other Sunday at 7:00 I will be spending time with the girls from my book club and I am much looking forward to the church group I joined for the next 5 weeks. I am not a spontaneous person by nature and I like to plan ahead. It keeps me super busy, but I start to get depressed when I have too much time on my hands. Really, though I complain about being tired, I wouldn't change anything.
Speaking of my church group, I had my first session on Monday and I really enjoyed it. I am going to have homework and whatnot and it might take a bit for me to break out of my shell, but I felt like I fit in pretty well with everyone there. They were kind of at the same point as me in regards to their faith and beliefs so I wasn't as much of a "newcomer" as I thought I'd be. That was a relief. Really, I want to understand God better. I know that I believe in God and I believe that Jesus was the Son of God. However, I feel that I shut myself away from religion for so long that I am confused about a lot of things and I want a place where I can discuss my concerns, questions, fears, etc. so that I can further explore what I believe in and build on that. I truly believe that by doing this, I will create a better foundation for my growth as a person and I cannot wait to see all of the positives that will come out of this. It doesn't hurt that I am meeting a few new awesome people either!
Between the church group, reading The Happiness Project, (which I recommend to everyone, by the way), and amazing discussions with friends, I am really starting to do some soul searching. I still have a ways to go in order to feel completely happy, secure, energized, and comfortable in my own skin, but I really think I am making some progress. Most of it is in my head, but you have to start somewhere... For example, it sounds so silly, but the other day, I decided to treat myself to some fast food. Literally, as soon as I finished it, I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I have never felt like that before and though I joked about it with John, I was completely serious. I could feel the grease sticking to my insides and my chest hurt so bad that it was uncomfortable to breathe. All that said, it made me really want to cut back on greasy foods. I hear people say all the time that they feel so much better now that they have stopped eating crap like that and though I don't do it on a daily basis, I definitely eat junk way more than I should. It would be foolish of me to say that I am going to become a health nut all of a sudden... that's never been me. But for the first time, I really want to give it a shot for at least most days out of the week. Maybe it is playing a huge part in why I feel so crappy all of the time and I am just not realizing it. I know part of it is that I am just lazy, but it's scary to make big life changes. I know that I can do it though. If I change my diet a bit and exercise more, I am sure that I will see a noticeable difference.
Oh, I am so sleepy and I still have 5 hours left of work! Knowing that I will get to spend time with Amy later makes me happy though. It's just sad and pathetic, but I miss John during the week. Yeah, I see him for a few minutes in the morning and a few minutes before I leave for work, but it's never quality time. I hate that my schedule prevents me from getting that because I feel like my weekends are always so crammed full of things to do. I'm cheesy I know... I'm just jonesin' for some snuggle time. C'est la vie. Until next time...
XoXo,
Stefanie
Edit: I forgot to report that I had a fantastic time with my dad on our movie date. It really was a nice time and he seems very enthused about getting together next month. I'm so glad I took this step! Also, on the opposite end of the happiness spectrum... I STILL have not received my medication AND the doctor prescribed me the wrong medication for my kidney infection! I am so frustrated I could scream. Thank God I am not suicidal and dependent on those pills! Doctors seriously bring out my inner rage. Okay, I'm finished.
Unfortunately, my weekend is going to be crazy busy. Saturday I have to go straight from work to Columbus for Lauren's baby shower. Sunday, I am going to church, driving to Dayton right after for Amy's bridal shower, and then going straight to my book club. And on Monday, I have my church group from 6:30-8:30. Ay yi yi! Why do I sign myself up for all of these things? Okay, it's obvious why. I genuinely enjoy involving myself in organized activities. I get an enormous amount of joy knowing that every other Sunday at 7:00 I will be spending time with the girls from my book club and I am much looking forward to the church group I joined for the next 5 weeks. I am not a spontaneous person by nature and I like to plan ahead. It keeps me super busy, but I start to get depressed when I have too much time on my hands. Really, though I complain about being tired, I wouldn't change anything.
Speaking of my church group, I had my first session on Monday and I really enjoyed it. I am going to have homework and whatnot and it might take a bit for me to break out of my shell, but I felt like I fit in pretty well with everyone there. They were kind of at the same point as me in regards to their faith and beliefs so I wasn't as much of a "newcomer" as I thought I'd be. That was a relief. Really, I want to understand God better. I know that I believe in God and I believe that Jesus was the Son of God. However, I feel that I shut myself away from religion for so long that I am confused about a lot of things and I want a place where I can discuss my concerns, questions, fears, etc. so that I can further explore what I believe in and build on that. I truly believe that by doing this, I will create a better foundation for my growth as a person and I cannot wait to see all of the positives that will come out of this. It doesn't hurt that I am meeting a few new awesome people either!
Between the church group, reading The Happiness Project, (which I recommend to everyone, by the way), and amazing discussions with friends, I am really starting to do some soul searching. I still have a ways to go in order to feel completely happy, secure, energized, and comfortable in my own skin, but I really think I am making some progress. Most of it is in my head, but you have to start somewhere... For example, it sounds so silly, but the other day, I decided to treat myself to some fast food. Literally, as soon as I finished it, I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I have never felt like that before and though I joked about it with John, I was completely serious. I could feel the grease sticking to my insides and my chest hurt so bad that it was uncomfortable to breathe. All that said, it made me really want to cut back on greasy foods. I hear people say all the time that they feel so much better now that they have stopped eating crap like that and though I don't do it on a daily basis, I definitely eat junk way more than I should. It would be foolish of me to say that I am going to become a health nut all of a sudden... that's never been me. But for the first time, I really want to give it a shot for at least most days out of the week. Maybe it is playing a huge part in why I feel so crappy all of the time and I am just not realizing it. I know part of it is that I am just lazy, but it's scary to make big life changes. I know that I can do it though. If I change my diet a bit and exercise more, I am sure that I will see a noticeable difference.
Oh, I am so sleepy and I still have 5 hours left of work! Knowing that I will get to spend time with Amy later makes me happy though. It's just sad and pathetic, but I miss John during the week. Yeah, I see him for a few minutes in the morning and a few minutes before I leave for work, but it's never quality time. I hate that my schedule prevents me from getting that because I feel like my weekends are always so crammed full of things to do. I'm cheesy I know... I'm just jonesin' for some snuggle time. C'est la vie. Until next time...
XoXo,
Stefanie
Edit: I forgot to report that I had a fantastic time with my dad on our movie date. It really was a nice time and he seems very enthused about getting together next month. I'm so glad I took this step! Also, on the opposite end of the happiness spectrum... I STILL have not received my medication AND the doctor prescribed me the wrong medication for my kidney infection! I am so frustrated I could scream. Thank God I am not suicidal and dependent on those pills! Doctors seriously bring out my inner rage. Okay, I'm finished.