well fuck
I need to go to the gym. Bad. Not just becuase the little weight i lost from swimming all day in Chelan has come back but becuase it produces endorphines and endorphins (like chocolate and good sex) make me happy. The gym is located a brief 5 minute car ride away. I enjoy working out. I just dread going the first couple of times before it becomes a routine again. Fuck it. As soon as I finish this and check on my dad I am going to the gym.
thankfully I havnt updated in 5 days and this may take awhile.
Wednesday
I hung out with Cher the other night, Wednesday I think. We went and rented Failure To Launch then to Hollywood Erotic Boutique and bought porn. We put the porn in the Failure TO Launch DVD case and went to her boyfriend Trevors apartment. The joke was hilarious when he opened the case and saw Hard Core Fucking VOL. 3 inside. We watched porn. Nicks Apartment is literally 3 minutes away from Trevors and I drove over there and Cher stayed at Trevors for about an hour and a half. Then we both went home.
Friday:
I go to work and then grocery shopping. I am simutaneoulsy making chicken and procceuto ravioli with pesto and pine nuts while I am cooking ground beef for dirty rice and cleaning out peppers to stuff the cooked dirty rice into and preheating the oven to bake chocolate chip cookies and blueberry muffins in. Nick comes over. We cook and eat and watch the cartoon Home Movies which is actually hilarious and then bake cookies together. We decideI should spend the night at his house and we leave. My dads surgery occurs and goes well. We get the fraternity and his roommate Justin has attempted a last minute party to celebrate his bitrhday, gets drunk off of 1 shot (he is 1/4 asian afterall) and starts bitching about his love life. we leave and go to bed, justin stumbles home drunk with the girl who just dumped him. she leaves. he calls someone and bitches (LOUDLY) about her. he passes out at 3:30 Am. I get up 2 hours later to go to work.
Saturday:
It is national Customers Are From Hell day and I get bitched at alot and there are babies crying in my Starbucks. On the plus side it is raining. I go home. Shower and pack for Nicks. My aunt and uncle are over, as are my bro and his girlfriend to check on dad who is in pain and majorly depressed he is not at something called Devils Tower right now on his motercycle trip. I grab scrabble and leave. I get to Nicks fraternity starving since I havnt eaten since 11AM and that can make me cranky. Turns out were going to watch football. Which is cool. I mean. I love football. But I had brought over scrabble and the movie the Notebook. Iwas exhausted and wanted a more romantic night then being in a room with 6 guys who smell like hot wings and hoot and hollar every time a hot girl in the audience gets zoomed in on. They call one girl a cow and i immeadiated become self concious especially after nick told me he wasnt hungry but that hed go with me if i was. I say im fine. I fall asleep on the couch. we walk home, im pissed. im not mad at him really. im just starving, tired, and not in a good mood becuase of the whole thing. I snap at him and he makes me ramen and i apologize. justin comes home with Jessie, the girl who dumped him for her ex boyfriend but he still is crazy about, and we all play scrabble. justin beats me by 1 point. i beat nick by 142. jessie goes home and comes back realizing she lost her house key and they need to go to the metro to find it. justin has no batteries for his flashlight and i let him borrow 2 from my vibrator. they return an hour and a half later (by this time nick and i are watching the office) and he says she is spending the night. They go to his room. an episode of the office ends and nick looks at me and i look at him and he goes "you love me, I can see it inyour eyes. Im pretty sure i love you too" I turn away depressed that my boyfriend just told me that while I am currently looking at him with love, more love than i ever knew i could have, he doesnt love me. he apologizes and we go to bed.
Sunday:
we wake up, do our thing. we go to shower and i say i just want a quick one he goes ok your leaving soon right. Im like what? um. ok? ( i thought we were going to spend the day together) and hes like im watching football today at Forrests. so i take a shower sad and not looking forward to coming home to my ever so wonderful living situation and then go sit on the couch and wait for him cause he has an hour to kill. I start crying over everything that is going wrong and after what he said last night he is the last person i want to cry in front of. I feel like i have to be on my best behavior and be perfect so that he will love me. I wonder if he ever loved me. i leave in slightly better spirits, go tanning because my eyes are poofy and red and my family cant see me cry then go home. I am about to get my duffle out of the trunk when i notice my uncles car is there. My uncle who hates nick and is very against premarital anything. good call becuase as soon as i pull in so do my aunt shelly and auntie margo. i sit and chat with them and then basically did a Dicks run for my dad and made cookies.
I need to go to the gym but now im even less wanting to go. I kinda feel like dying which is wierd but right now there isnt much to live for. i know it will all get better and it all takes time but im sick of waiting for it too be ok.
thankfully I havnt updated in 5 days and this may take awhile.
Wednesday
I hung out with Cher the other night, Wednesday I think. We went and rented Failure To Launch then to Hollywood Erotic Boutique and bought porn. We put the porn in the Failure TO Launch DVD case and went to her boyfriend Trevors apartment. The joke was hilarious when he opened the case and saw Hard Core Fucking VOL. 3 inside. We watched porn. Nicks Apartment is literally 3 minutes away from Trevors and I drove over there and Cher stayed at Trevors for about an hour and a half. Then we both went home.
Friday:
I go to work and then grocery shopping. I am simutaneoulsy making chicken and procceuto ravioli with pesto and pine nuts while I am cooking ground beef for dirty rice and cleaning out peppers to stuff the cooked dirty rice into and preheating the oven to bake chocolate chip cookies and blueberry muffins in. Nick comes over. We cook and eat and watch the cartoon Home Movies which is actually hilarious and then bake cookies together. We decideI should spend the night at his house and we leave. My dads surgery occurs and goes well. We get the fraternity and his roommate Justin has attempted a last minute party to celebrate his bitrhday, gets drunk off of 1 shot (he is 1/4 asian afterall) and starts bitching about his love life. we leave and go to bed, justin stumbles home drunk with the girl who just dumped him. she leaves. he calls someone and bitches (LOUDLY) about her. he passes out at 3:30 Am. I get up 2 hours later to go to work.
Saturday:
It is national Customers Are From Hell day and I get bitched at alot and there are babies crying in my Starbucks. On the plus side it is raining. I go home. Shower and pack for Nicks. My aunt and uncle are over, as are my bro and his girlfriend to check on dad who is in pain and majorly depressed he is not at something called Devils Tower right now on his motercycle trip. I grab scrabble and leave. I get to Nicks fraternity starving since I havnt eaten since 11AM and that can make me cranky. Turns out were going to watch football. Which is cool. I mean. I love football. But I had brought over scrabble and the movie the Notebook. Iwas exhausted and wanted a more romantic night then being in a room with 6 guys who smell like hot wings and hoot and hollar every time a hot girl in the audience gets zoomed in on. They call one girl a cow and i immeadiated become self concious especially after nick told me he wasnt hungry but that hed go with me if i was. I say im fine. I fall asleep on the couch. we walk home, im pissed. im not mad at him really. im just starving, tired, and not in a good mood becuase of the whole thing. I snap at him and he makes me ramen and i apologize. justin comes home with Jessie, the girl who dumped him for her ex boyfriend but he still is crazy about, and we all play scrabble. justin beats me by 1 point. i beat nick by 142. jessie goes home and comes back realizing she lost her house key and they need to go to the metro to find it. justin has no batteries for his flashlight and i let him borrow 2 from my vibrator. they return an hour and a half later (by this time nick and i are watching the office) and he says she is spending the night. They go to his room. an episode of the office ends and nick looks at me and i look at him and he goes "you love me, I can see it inyour eyes. Im pretty sure i love you too" I turn away depressed that my boyfriend just told me that while I am currently looking at him with love, more love than i ever knew i could have, he doesnt love me. he apologizes and we go to bed.
Sunday:
we wake up, do our thing. we go to shower and i say i just want a quick one he goes ok your leaving soon right. Im like what? um. ok? ( i thought we were going to spend the day together) and hes like im watching football today at Forrests. so i take a shower sad and not looking forward to coming home to my ever so wonderful living situation and then go sit on the couch and wait for him cause he has an hour to kill. I start crying over everything that is going wrong and after what he said last night he is the last person i want to cry in front of. I feel like i have to be on my best behavior and be perfect so that he will love me. I wonder if he ever loved me. i leave in slightly better spirits, go tanning because my eyes are poofy and red and my family cant see me cry then go home. I am about to get my duffle out of the trunk when i notice my uncles car is there. My uncle who hates nick and is very against premarital anything. good call becuase as soon as i pull in so do my aunt shelly and auntie margo. i sit and chat with them and then basically did a Dicks run for my dad and made cookies.
I need to go to the gym but now im even less wanting to go. I kinda feel like dying which is wierd but right now there isnt much to live for. i know it will all get better and it all takes time but im sick of waiting for it too be ok.