fucking hungover

[stephy2159]

I am not feeling good. After a night of fun and partying and watermelon soaked in tequila I am not feeling good. My head is pounding and my moms voice is slightly more irritating then usual (a feat i didnt know possible). my head hurts and i want to go to sleep, half from being hungover and half from the fact that we found out that our house has for sure toxic mold. And as I am immunocompromised (thank you mono...you just never fucking go away do you?) my parents are currently out house hunting and we will most likely start moving out soon. Wow. I can't wait. I have decided i need to go to western and once i get the energy i will write my essay and mail it in. I need to get my own apartment and i need some time away from here. I love Seattle and everything here but I know I need to be on my own, I need to grow up, move out and fall madly in love with someone. The idea of getting back with Nick hadnt really crossed my mind till we hung out the other night. As much as I love him and want him back I know my reasons for breaking it off with him, I hate that I had to lie and tell him that i didn't love him and thats why i called it off and I hate that I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I can't becuase of certain things about him. Also as a girl I went on his facebook and noticed he added looking for a relationship to dating and friends and it hurt and stung for a second that he could have moved on and want a girlfriend who isnt me but i know that i am wanting a boyfriend too. I need to be single right now, I will wait till I go to WWU (if i get in, crossing my fingers) to really be open to the idea of a relationship. For now Nick as a friend is great I think I called him last night, I don't really remember I will check my outgoing calls lol. Truley truly truly nick is a great friend and I need to just move on. He doesn't need to know that I love him and care for him and that becuase of his immaturity in some areas I can't be with him. He just needs to know how terrific friends with him is and I need to know that life goes on and to remember not to jump his bones if i get the chance. I sersiously need a freaking chasity belt around him which is fucking pathetic. Oh well. I am not really to upset about my situation with Nick, I think mostley becasue i know my decision was right, i dont doubt myself for what i did, and I know that i am better off not being with nick right now. that and i have a glimmer of hope in the back of my head that maybe, just maybe, after I graduate university and he and I have both had other relationships that we have learned from and that he and i have both matured that we can date again and then maybe even end up together. It sucks that he and I are so freaking compatable but we met so young. Oh well I dont regret meeting him when I did, he changed my life and I love being able to look back at the past couple years and realize how amazingly large an impact he had on me and how much i have grown and learned. That sounds incredibly corny but sometimes when you really take a step back and look at your life you realize how freaking cool it is. I mean, life is pretty fucking amazing right? I mean i am not saying that I am truely 100% happy or even liking where I am at in my life right now, or even that the thought of rather being dead has never crossed my mind, but really when you look back on your life and where your at now it is really cool. Its even more fun knowing that more shit is going to be thrown at you and great things and sad things and opportunities are coming with each day and that every connection you make with a person or a situation changes you. I was watching Greys Anatomy on Tivo while i was babysitting friday night (the kids were in bed! i swear im a good babysitter!) and I was thinking how cool their life was on the show. I mean they go through serious shit but Meridith always has some insight that makes it seem livable. The main differnce, ive discovered, between TV and real life is that real life lacks a soundtrack. And sometimes its the soundtrack that makes all the diference.

I am done being insightful and trying to make sense of my life for the moment.

SUNDAY:
1. sleep more sleeppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
2. ignore person knocking on front door (im in my fucking PJ's and look...hungover)
3. Buy 2 rockstar suagr free energy drinks
***day one of no sugar was a failure. i had a cookie. but in comparison
brb