Mind Set With Emotion.
School so far is okay.
Nothing really to complain about. At times I feel blue but what can I do. Time goes on and I have to keep going with the flow. I switched one class this year...I suppose everything could'nt have been perfect. Art seems to be an easy going class for me, just too much work. My teacher literally wants me to come up with my own technqiue and style of art. That's really hard to handle when there has been so many artists in the world that have done a variety of different styles. But I guess I have to be unique. Hopefully I'll find my way through art this year and that'll get me far. That's the only original thing about me that I have going on. Nobody else does anything with art in my school (sad, I know).
Let's see what else is there...oh right, friends. Hm, I still don't have many (not that I'm complaining). I'm getting annoyed by people pretty fast. I can also tell I'm a lot nicer too (no clue what's up with that). Most likely because I don't want any problems this year...with neither teachers nor students. The problem is I'm acting more fake than I was last year...this sucks. It gets on my nerves when I can't handle the situation anymore. Sometimes it's better if I'm alone so nobody has to deal with my anger. But then there is always someone who wants to know what's wrong. I don't blame them...it's a pretty nice feeling when you know others truly care. I rarely am close to anyone; I show my true colors to three people and that is it. And of course, mostly guys.
I cannot handle girls. I have no idea how they think sometimes and this is sad for I am a female. I have no clue, sometimes I think I was born in the wrong century. I wish I was like others...only thinking about school and friends rather than life itself as a whole. People look like they have it so much easier than I but the again, who really knows.
I'm confused in my head right now.
So many different feelings and ideas...I just don't know how to deal with. Of course, I know not to take action with feelings alone. Apparently that always gets me into trouble. My mind must be set with my emotions for me to literally make a move. For now my mind is set for today. Not tomorrow or the week after or the months beyond that. For some time I have been feeling as if I'm missing something. I have no clue if it's a place, an object, an event, or a person. I have been feeling shunned by the world...so maybe I want the feeling of being wanted. You're confused aren't you...well so am I.
What will become of me later in life? Blah, I have no idea.
I need to stop thinking this crap seriously. I'm not well balanced at the moment. I haven't been for weeks now. I hope this feeling goes away. I cannot stay like this for more weeks to come. I swear I will do something out of the ordinary. Thoughts keep me alive. Without them I am literally non-living, nonexistent to reality, the undead. I am so out of it right now. I have no real reason for me writing this. I just feel like typing since I haven't written anything for awhile.
I hope I feel better in the next few weeks. I will definitely try my hardest. I have to be around people who care and accept the real me instead of the fake me. Sooner or later this fakeness will leave if others take advantage of it too much. Everyone deserves their space and I'm a person who values it. I'm going to work my butt off this year but I want it to be all worth it in the end. This year will be unexpected for me and I can already see that. I just want it to be a good unexpected year and not a bad one. I've had enough of those in my life but then again, it's all up to moi basically.
God give me strength. Don't make me lose my head; not now.
Show me a sign on what you want me to do...until then I will do nothing.
I don't want to make another mistake again.