Forever.
During I read the book Twilight by Stephenie Meyer I realized that the word "forever" caught my attention. I looked at the word and it seemed as if it had no meaning to me; that definitely disturbed me. Did I not believe in forever anymore?
I stopped and put the book away. I had to think this through. This romance novel contained the word forever and I did not believe in such a thing. Why...
I've always been crazy about romance. All the passion and lust that came along with it. The emotions you feel when you are deeply in love and have the urge and longing to be with someone else. Where every time you look at the person emotions just seem to flutter by again and again. It wonderful...no beautiful, marvelous. Pure. When I love someone, I give them my all. If I am determined I would stay by their side and never let anything get in my way. Not one thing. I stay true to myself and my other half, you have no idea. My whole entire world could surround him.
Actually, last year I wrote something that might help you understand how I feel a bit. I wrote this around December of 2007.
"I always have this one question in my mind. I wonder if anyone ever thinks this once in their life. What is love to you? Do you think it's just when you care for someone or someone who has touched your soul or someone who has made a great impact in your life and that you could never forget. Love to me is all that combined and more. I would risk everything I could for such a thing. That one person would mean the entire world to me, I would give them my all, it doesn't matter when, where, what or how. It doesn't matter what problems occur or how much time passes by or how far away we are from each other, I will fight for us. Nothing matters to me as long as I have that one reason to live for. That one person there who will be by my side and I know they will do the same for me. I want a love that is endless...beyond spirit, mind, and body. Im scratching around searching for this one thing. Does anyone ever feel this way? Don't you ever yearn for a love such as this? I believe it exists, otherwise I wouldn't exist. I am this type of lover. I am afraid to express it sometimes, for I do not want people to think I am ridiculous. But right now, I don't really care. This is who I am and this is what I believe in. I just need to know if there is something out there for me. Am I the only one thinking this or feeling this way? Half of you have never even experienced what love truly is yet, doesn't matter how old you are. Love has no limits, boundaries, and no rules. When you really love someone, you will understand what I mean. It doesn't matter who it is, your family, your friends, your son or daughter, or your own soulmate. Love goes beyond anything else in this world. I just wish someone could tell me this, could do this for me. I'm sorry if I am too much to take in, but this is all my love. This is me, this is what is within me, I don't care about anything else except that one person, my love.
Im so young yet im typing all this down.
I guess im just a deep dreamer.
A dreamer who needs to find her place.
Im starting to lose hope, if I could ever find a love such as mine."
Yeah, I truly wonder if there is anyone out there who can love me the same way as I do. Determined, willing, loyal, and true. I really don't like to waste time with other relationships that can get me nowhere. How could I? Build my entire heart up to the point where they just leave. And what for? I can't. My heart is tender and has been broken few times these past two years. It has really effected me truly. I don't believe in forever. I have lost hope.
Nobody in this world is true anymore.
I am always scared at heart. Scared to love; to fall in love. I hide my feelings, my sentiments. I close up for I believe that if I get too close I will get burnt. I keep my promises but it seems as if no one can do the same. I know I'm crazy and maybe half of you don't even believe or feel such a thing. But my heart is what makes me me. I speak what I feel and I'm honest at heart. I stay true to those who need me and try my best to do everything right. Love keeps my alive. It's what has kept me going all these years. Without it, I wouldn't be the same as I am today. I would not have the same goals or perspectives.
I have been told so many lies, so many fales hopes that now it has eaten up all of mine. I want to believe but I can't. It seems almost impossible in this world. Is there anyone? Could there be? I don't know. I don't want to keep hoping for something that might never be. I'm not strong enough anymore. I vowed to myself a long time ago that I would never date another guy during high school if my long term relationship with my last ex did not work. My relationship seemed to end right after Sophmore year. And it turns out that I could not follow through my plan securely. I was lost. My heart had slipped from it's self and was streaming down a river; a river of endless turns and hits. I've been broken and wept. My biggest weakest ever in me is my heart. Everything else can be rock solid but on pierce and it's all crumbling down.
Is it all impossible? I always think. Could it all be just a fantasy? Why am I such a dreamer. So stupid and idiotic. I see everyone around me and everything fails. Does anyone have the ability to stay together anymore? Maybe one of the two did not work for it. If the two cannot work together at the same effort than there is no chance. But what if there's more? I don't want it to not be real...what kind of a world would that be.
I wish someone could bring me back that feeling. That hope to keep believe in forever. Someone who can prove to me that they are in this all the way. No boundaries. No regrets. All in it with me. That's it.
Maybe that is impossible.
I stopped and put the book away. I had to think this through. This romance novel contained the word forever and I did not believe in such a thing. Why...
I've always been crazy about romance. All the passion and lust that came along with it. The emotions you feel when you are deeply in love and have the urge and longing to be with someone else. Where every time you look at the person emotions just seem to flutter by again and again. It wonderful...no beautiful, marvelous. Pure. When I love someone, I give them my all. If I am determined I would stay by their side and never let anything get in my way. Not one thing. I stay true to myself and my other half, you have no idea. My whole entire world could surround him.
Actually, last year I wrote something that might help you understand how I feel a bit. I wrote this around December of 2007.
"I always have this one question in my mind. I wonder if anyone ever thinks this once in their life. What is love to you? Do you think it's just when you care for someone or someone who has touched your soul or someone who has made a great impact in your life and that you could never forget. Love to me is all that combined and more. I would risk everything I could for such a thing. That one person would mean the entire world to me, I would give them my all, it doesn't matter when, where, what or how. It doesn't matter what problems occur or how much time passes by or how far away we are from each other, I will fight for us. Nothing matters to me as long as I have that one reason to live for. That one person there who will be by my side and I know they will do the same for me. I want a love that is endless...beyond spirit, mind, and body. Im scratching around searching for this one thing. Does anyone ever feel this way? Don't you ever yearn for a love such as this? I believe it exists, otherwise I wouldn't exist. I am this type of lover. I am afraid to express it sometimes, for I do not want people to think I am ridiculous. But right now, I don't really care. This is who I am and this is what I believe in. I just need to know if there is something out there for me. Am I the only one thinking this or feeling this way? Half of you have never even experienced what love truly is yet, doesn't matter how old you are. Love has no limits, boundaries, and no rules. When you really love someone, you will understand what I mean. It doesn't matter who it is, your family, your friends, your son or daughter, or your own soulmate. Love goes beyond anything else in this world. I just wish someone could tell me this, could do this for me. I'm sorry if I am too much to take in, but this is all my love. This is me, this is what is within me, I don't care about anything else except that one person, my love.
Im so young yet im typing all this down.
I guess im just a deep dreamer.
A dreamer who needs to find her place.
Im starting to lose hope, if I could ever find a love such as mine."
Yeah, I truly wonder if there is anyone out there who can love me the same way as I do. Determined, willing, loyal, and true. I really don't like to waste time with other relationships that can get me nowhere. How could I? Build my entire heart up to the point where they just leave. And what for? I can't. My heart is tender and has been broken few times these past two years. It has really effected me truly. I don't believe in forever. I have lost hope.
Nobody in this world is true anymore.
I am always scared at heart. Scared to love; to fall in love. I hide my feelings, my sentiments. I close up for I believe that if I get too close I will get burnt. I keep my promises but it seems as if no one can do the same. I know I'm crazy and maybe half of you don't even believe or feel such a thing. But my heart is what makes me me. I speak what I feel and I'm honest at heart. I stay true to those who need me and try my best to do everything right. Love keeps my alive. It's what has kept me going all these years. Without it, I wouldn't be the same as I am today. I would not have the same goals or perspectives.
I have been told so many lies, so many fales hopes that now it has eaten up all of mine. I want to believe but I can't. It seems almost impossible in this world. Is there anyone? Could there be? I don't know. I don't want to keep hoping for something that might never be. I'm not strong enough anymore. I vowed to myself a long time ago that I would never date another guy during high school if my long term relationship with my last ex did not work. My relationship seemed to end right after Sophmore year. And it turns out that I could not follow through my plan securely. I was lost. My heart had slipped from it's self and was streaming down a river; a river of endless turns and hits. I've been broken and wept. My biggest weakest ever in me is my heart. Everything else can be rock solid but on pierce and it's all crumbling down.
Is it all impossible? I always think. Could it all be just a fantasy? Why am I such a dreamer. So stupid and idiotic. I see everyone around me and everything fails. Does anyone have the ability to stay together anymore? Maybe one of the two did not work for it. If the two cannot work together at the same effort than there is no chance. But what if there's more? I don't want it to not be real...what kind of a world would that be.
I wish someone could bring me back that feeling. That hope to keep believe in forever. Someone who can prove to me that they are in this all the way. No boundaries. No regrets. All in it with me. That's it.
Maybe that is impossible.