"But I believed in more than nothingness last year..."
Well...I dont know where to begin...I havent exactly wrote in here in a few months. I just, don't have much to say to the world.
I need to decide if im going down to kent state this weekend for bobbi's birthday...problem is i dont want to go all that way by myself. Anyone up for a road trip?
Texas for spring break...Me and Ash will have fun. And I'll get to see my Boxer. I miss her so much...It's unreal. It was so weird to be completely alone this past week without her. I mean, whenever my parents have gone out of town, i've had a dog...its a hard adjustment. Really hard.....
In other news, music has grown in importance to me recently. i keep making more cds and i now that i work more during the day i actually have time to listen to everything. My band of the week is "Say Anything." They are different from most of my other bands, more rockish, but that isnt the only difference...But I really like them. You can listen to them at http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/sayanythingmusic.htm I suggest "Great Awakening," "Signal the Rifleman," "A Walk Through Hell," and "Colorblind." But I have like 15 of their songs downloaded and I think they are all amazing. And I bought like 4 cds offline this week so I'm just waitin to get them...Ash~I'm still waiting for those two cds and the list of songs...You arent getting out of it, so get on top of it.
To those out there who care for me...I love you and thank you. I know I don't really let you in much, but I just can't. Its not that i dont trust you, or that I think you dont care, because I know you do. I dont know what it is. Please dont stop coming to me though, that helps keep me sane...After a conversation with someone very close to me, i finally did realize how much I don't open up anymore. Its been like this for over a year. I thought that leaving for the summer would help...and it did while i was gone...But once i was here again...well...I used to be open to explaining how i feel, but then i found out it didnt get me anywhere, except leaving me more vunerable, and i wont do it. My "its not important," and "im over it" have taken ahold. I think its more than that though, i think i've convinced myself that i have nothing to say. And in a way, i dont doubt that. I honestly feel so numb to life, to everything. I've lost most of my passion and drive. I've changed...I even play my own games now...and I can only think of about two things that I would get emotional over. I've been let down so many times before, by so many people. I just dont think I can handle losing anymore friends to boyfriends/girlfriends or boyfriends to other girls. If i dont let people as close they cant hurt me as bad right? So I just stay busy...I assume that is why I am taking 17 credit hours this semester and working 30 hours a week...If i'm not busy i dont know what will happen...And honestly, the little free time I have i like to just relax...usually alone, or at least at my house. I'd like to say I still have my hope...and i guess in some sense I do, but not the way it should be. Ive convinced myself that...well, 'its not important.' Im not mad. I'm not upset. I just give up, and i have for a while now...Don't bring this up. i will deny it. I dont want anyones sympathy...dont tell me that you are here for me to talk. just dont.
at least i have something to look forward to everyday...my bed is amazing...
I need to decide if im going down to kent state this weekend for bobbi's birthday...problem is i dont want to go all that way by myself. Anyone up for a road trip?
Texas for spring break...Me and Ash will have fun. And I'll get to see my Boxer. I miss her so much...It's unreal. It was so weird to be completely alone this past week without her. I mean, whenever my parents have gone out of town, i've had a dog...its a hard adjustment. Really hard.....
In other news, music has grown in importance to me recently. i keep making more cds and i now that i work more during the day i actually have time to listen to everything. My band of the week is "Say Anything." They are different from most of my other bands, more rockish, but that isnt the only difference...But I really like them. You can listen to them at http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/sayanythingmusic.htm I suggest "Great Awakening," "Signal the Rifleman," "A Walk Through Hell," and "Colorblind." But I have like 15 of their songs downloaded and I think they are all amazing. And I bought like 4 cds offline this week so I'm just waitin to get them...Ash~I'm still waiting for those two cds and the list of songs...You arent getting out of it, so get on top of it.
To those out there who care for me...I love you and thank you. I know I don't really let you in much, but I just can't. Its not that i dont trust you, or that I think you dont care, because I know you do. I dont know what it is. Please dont stop coming to me though, that helps keep me sane...After a conversation with someone very close to me, i finally did realize how much I don't open up anymore. Its been like this for over a year. I thought that leaving for the summer would help...and it did while i was gone...But once i was here again...well...I used to be open to explaining how i feel, but then i found out it didnt get me anywhere, except leaving me more vunerable, and i wont do it. My "its not important," and "im over it" have taken ahold. I think its more than that though, i think i've convinced myself that i have nothing to say. And in a way, i dont doubt that. I honestly feel so numb to life, to everything. I've lost most of my passion and drive. I've changed...I even play my own games now...and I can only think of about two things that I would get emotional over. I've been let down so many times before, by so many people. I just dont think I can handle losing anymore friends to boyfriends/girlfriends or boyfriends to other girls. If i dont let people as close they cant hurt me as bad right? So I just stay busy...I assume that is why I am taking 17 credit hours this semester and working 30 hours a week...If i'm not busy i dont know what will happen...And honestly, the little free time I have i like to just relax...usually alone, or at least at my house. I'd like to say I still have my hope...and i guess in some sense I do, but not the way it should be. Ive convinced myself that...well, 'its not important.' Im not mad. I'm not upset. I just give up, and i have for a while now...Don't bring this up. i will deny it. I dont want anyones sympathy...dont tell me that you are here for me to talk. just dont.
at least i have something to look forward to everyday...my bed is amazing...