(no subject)
sorry i haven't written in a while but i've been feeling ok but now i just feel like theres no result going to come out of anything. but theres also good news. i filled out my financial aid papers and i'm getting $4177, i'm so glad. thats basically half my tuition. that burden is out the way. but i just feeling down, i know my cousiin is going to say yuck but i have to get this off my chest. i really miss my exboyfriend. he was my everything, well i thought he was. i mean i want to be with him but he's not my type of boyfriend material. i mean me and him are better off friends, but at the same time i have all these feelings for him. he was my all, and now its like we don't even click anymore and i keep trying to move on but it wont work b/c every guy i try and talk to is either an asshole or just not him. but i made myself a promise i said that if we're not working out by July 6,2005(my 18th b-day) then i'm sorry i can't be with him. bashley says that i need a break from boys but i don't want a break from him, but we all can't get things we want. i talked to him lastnight and i finally told him that i was going to prom with someone else and he got jealous and mad at the same time. but its like he's acting like he doesn't want to be bothered with me so therefore i would really liked it if i went to prom with my friend. i really care about my ex but he's not trying to understand. well i guess theres no such thing as fairytales.then another thing i really sad about is bash is leaving soon. now that girl there that is TRUELY MY LIFE. i mean i know shes only going to be gone for 3 months but DAMN that seems soooooooo loooooong. i don't think i'm going to handle that. i really don't want her to leave i just wish there was something i could do so that she doesn't leave. i mean she's that one that kept me up with everything, man i don't know what i do with her.with out her there is truely no meaning to my life.but hopefully god will listen to me for once and not let her go nowhere but HOME and not OVERSEAS. then i don't think i could be able to make it. i mean damn when i'm mad at my ex or someone else being with her makes it ALL go away. just laughing all my problems away with her and just lunching really help me make it thru with life, and her having my back no matter what really helped me out. damn man what am i going to do every weekend for 3 months or who am i going to bother. even worse whose going to do my hair. oh hell no she can't go, i can't have my hair looking like shit. i never thought life was going to take this route, i always thought we were going to graduate and live happily ever after. i never thought that i was going to go one way and she was going to go another. thats my bestfriend she can't leave me. well hopefully i'll feel better soon. untill next time!!!!