SGA FIC: Reflections in Water - Chapter Four The Soaking Scientist
Title: Reflections in Water
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex, Teyla Emmagan, Jennifer Keller, others, original characters.
Spoilers: It would be easier to tell you what wasn’t mentioned…suffice to say that if you have watched all of the episodes that either deal with Elizabeth Weir or discuss Weir then it most likely included as is just about everything else.
Warnings: Minor bad language, lots of angst, there is whump, mention of possible self-injury.
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 3,093
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: Upon the anniversary of a tragic loss, Sheppard’s in pain and his team is distraught at not being able to help him.
REFLECTIONS IN WATER
REFLECTIONS IN WATER
By stella_pegasi
CHAPTER FOUR THE SOAKING SCIENTIST
Rodney was restless. Dinner with Ronon had been silent; Ronon never talked much and he could usually fill up the void yet he found that he didn’t have anything to say either. He suspected they both were worried about Sheppard but neither could admit it. After he left the mess hall, he went to his lab to work but couldn’t concentrate. Leaving the lab, he wandered around for a while; he stopped in the control room and fixed a computer problem that Amelia was having. Tired of walking aimlessly around, he decided to go to the infirmary and see Jennifer.
The infirmary was quiet as Rodney wandered through; he only saw one patient, one of his scientists, Dr. Renault, who had slipped in the shower and hit his head. The doctor who treated him had insisted that Renault stay overnight for observation but assured Rodney he would be fine. He found Jennifer reviewing a file at a desk in one of the ward areas. She smiled when she looked up and saw him approach, ‘Hey, how are you?”
“OK, I…I just can’t seem to find a purpose this evening; must be because you have to work tonight, Dr. Keller.” He sat down on the stool next to the desk.
“Rodney, I’m flattered but I have a feeling something else is bothering you. How’s your jaw?”
“Sore, but I’m fine.” He rubbed lightly along the still blossoming bruise.
“Now, I know something is wrong; you sounded too much like Colonel Sheppard just then. But remember, he has the corner on the “I’m fine when he isn’t” market.”
“OK, I’m not fine. Sheppard’s hurting and he won’t talk to anyone, he won’t even talk to Teyla. Ronon’s less talkative than usual and I can’t seem to talk to anyone without having them hit us. We’re a bunch of misfits.”
Jennifer laughed, “You are not misfits; you’re just very complicated people who have a lot of responsibility; sometimes things close in and make it hard to cope. Rodney, you, Teyla, Ronon, and the colonel are not the only ones who are feeling sadness today. If you remember, I’m the person who came to you and brought up the nanites as a possible cure for Elizabeth. If this is anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”
“No, you were only trying to save your patient, I knew better. I knew Sheppard would be angry and I knew Elizabeth wouldn’t want what I did to her. Sheppard was right, I shouldn’t have done it. This was my fault.” He bent over and put his head in his hands.
Jennifer leaned over and put her hand on the back of his neck, “You know something, Rodney? We all simply wanted to keep Elizabeth with us; John wanted that, too. If there is any blame to had, we should probably all share it but our only intention was to keep her alive; we didn’t want lose her.”
Rodney started to reply when three Marines brought in a buddy who was in a lot of pain. Jennifer jumped up to check on her patient. With a few quick questions, she ordered blood work and told the nurses to prepare for an emergency appendectomy; she flashed a quick smile at Rodney and was off to the OR.
He sat there for a few moments then decided that he would just be in the way if he stayed and waited for her. He had been putting off going to his quarters but maybe a hot bubble bath would make him feel better. As he left the infirmary, he passed a few Marines coming in, looking a bit battered. Walking away, he thought he heard one of them mention Ronon’s name; McKay smiled, so that’s how Ronon deals with his frustrations.
His quarters were a mess. They had been on Kieran for three days during the negotiations and he was spending a lot of time in Jennifer’s quarters, so he hadn’t realized what a mess he had left. Mess…he’d left a mess alright, a different kind of mess. He was the cause of Sheppard’s pain and he had no clue where to begin to fix it.
At least the bathroom was clean, he thought as he turned on the faucets and dumped in the bubble bath. Sheppard always teased him about his bubble baths but it was his way of relaxing and clearing his head. The only time that he could escape the constant barrage of people wanting answers from him. While his brain never stopped, at least, he could think about only what he wanted to while he was soaking.
He returned to the bedroom and peeled off his clothes, dropping them in the pile that had accumulated on the floor. He stood for a minute looking at the pile of clothes thinking that he really needed to clean that up but it was a passing thought. He only wanted to soak, not clean.
As he eased into the big tub filled with hot water, the bubbles rose around him and he sighed, this is worth it. Sheppard could tease him all he wanted; the colonel didn’t know what he was missing.
Rodney tried to let his mind go blank for a change but it wasn’t working. The hot water and soothing, fragrant bubbles were calming his body but not his mind…or was it his soul in turmoil? His own guilt, compounded by the guilt he felt for causing Sheppard’s pain, was suffocating. When Jennifer came to him and told him that Elizabeth would die unless he activated the nanites, he had been reluctant to do it. He knew what the colonel would say and he knew what Elizabeth would want but he couldn’t just let her die if there was a safe way to save her. He did everything he could to make certain that the nanites were safe and the Replicators wouldn’t be able to locate her and in turn, Atlantis. When Jennifer told him that Elizabeth couldn’t wait any longer, he turned the nanites back on.
As long as he lived, he would never forget the look that Sheppard gave him when the colonel realized what he had done. Rodney’s greatest fear was that he would disappoint this man who had become his friend. He had done it once before and it took him a long time to gain back Sheppard’s trust. It was then that he saw how resilient the colonel could be; when it became apparent that Elizabeth was healed, Sheppard accepted what had happened and began to deal with it. Rodney knew that Sheppard would never forget that he had caused this but Sheppard put his anger away and went on.
That his action would turn out the way it did; that he would also suggest the one thing that would save Atlantis, stealing a ZPM from the Replicator homeworld, but would cost them Elizabeth forever, never entered his mind. That she sacrificed herself to save Sheppard, Ronon, and him preyed on him since that day as it did on the colonel. Rodney wondered if Sheppard had forgiven him for that.
He often wondered if Sheppard knew how much he missed Elizabeth. Several months after the events on the Replicator world, they had another surprise involving Elizabeth. The Replicators had made flesh and bone copies of Sheppard’s team and of Elizabeth. When the Elizabeth ‘copy’ contacted Atlantis, for a brief moment he and Sheppard both were shocked and overjoyed, that is until she explained how she and the ‘other’ team came to be. They had intel on the Replicator ships to give them and the two teams had met face to face but the Replicators located them. Once again, Elizabeth along with the ‘other’ team members sacrificed themselves to save the originals. He knew that Sheppard had always felt that he would be able to bring Elizabeth home but Elizabeth was gone again.
Rodney wasn’t sure if he was more upset after they left her on the Replicator world or if he was after the copy was lost to them. It would have been great to have her back, just like it was to have Carson back, clone or not. He had believed that Sheppard had come to terms with losing Elizabeth after the ‘copy’ created by the Replicators was killed allowing them to escape. At least until her disembodied consciousness came to Atlantis only a few months before and the old wounds were opened again. Instead of being healed, those wounds were made worse by Elizabeth once more sacrificing herself to protect Atlantis and them. Rodney suspected that the finality of her act only increased Sheppard’s pain and guilt over her loss.
Sinking further down into the bubbles, he went over the events of the day. How he had gotten them into a fight still was an enigma to him. He didn’t think that he had asked anything out of line but an already angry councilman who was a lot bigger than Ronon didn’t see it that way.
They were tired having been on Kieran for three days, Sheppard and Teyla negotiating the treaty details on behalf of the Pegasus Coalition Council; it was Woolsey’s idea for Atlantis to participate in building the coalition. Woolsey had him working with the Kieran “scientists” who were not much more advanced than cavemen. Well, maybe they were smarter than that but not much. Sheppard had sent Ronon with him; no doubt to keep him out of trouble. Lot of good that did, trouble found him. He thought back to the events at lunch.
He and Ronon had returned to the resting house after Teyla sent word that the treaty was signed. He was anxious to get back to Atlantis and was not happy that they were staying for a meal even though the food they had been served while there was very good.
“Sheppard, why do we have to have another meal with these people? Don’t you know the old adage, ‘after three days both fish and guests begin to smell’?”
Sheppard had only glared at him and proceeded to walk into the dining hall. He just stood there until Ronon pushed him through the door.
“Dr. McKay, Specialist Dex, welcome; we have much to celebrate.” The Master Councilman was directing them to sit at the large table in the center of the room. The Kierans were very formal and had insisted on using titles when referring to each of them; Rodney remembered that Ronon just grunted when Sheppard had introduced him as ‘specialist’.
They sat down and immediately their goblets were being filled with a fruity alcoholic beverage called masut. The beverage packed a powerful punch and Rodney watched as Sheppard down his drink in a matter of seconds. He caught Teyla’s eye and she nodded that she had also seen the colonel. She leaned over to Ronon who had taken the chair next to her and whispered something to him; from that point on, Ronon kept an eye on their commander.
The master stood up and raised his goblet, “I offer a toast to our new friends and more importantly our new allies, the members of the Pegasus Coalition. May this association bring value to us all.”
Sheppard motioned to the server to refill his glass and downed it again as the others took a sip of theirs.
The table was soon laden with a large variety of foods for them to choose from. Rodney remembered the bread and how delicious it was, he could almost taste it even while sitting in his hot bath. He had decided if he had to be there then he would enjoy the food and had piled his plate full of the various meats and vegetables. While they enjoyed their food, the Kierans shared stories of the days when they hid from the Wraith in the tunnels below the city. Teyla carried the conversation for the Atlantian’s; Sheppard was continuing to drink the masut with Ronon watching him. The discussion soon turned to the treaty; one of the Kieran councilmen who had been unhappy with the details of the treaty decided to voice his anger.
“Master, I fail to see why you feel that we have new allies simply because of this treaty. I see only a treaty which does not bring as much to Kieran as it does to the so-called ‘allies’.”
As he sat in the bath staring at the tile wall across from him, Rodney knew he should have kept his mouth shut. But he had been to the farms owned by Jesdain, the large councilman who has expressed his anger and he knew that there was an overabundance of vegetables being harvested. According to Teyla, they had come to terms on an average harvest amount to expect each year that the coalition would take and that Atlantis offered to take this year’s extra produce in exchange for medical and building supplies. It only made sense, as the over-harvest would have rotted in the fields. So he spoke up; maybe if he hadn’t said anything, they wouldn’t have had the fight.
“Councilman, you own the big produce farms on the north side of the town, correct?”
Jesdain nodded, “Yes, doctor, I do but what does that have to do with the fact that this treaty gives large amounts of our food in trade for items I am not convinced that we need. Our healers do quite well without your medicines, we have no need for food, and we produce our own tools, so where is the good for us?”
Rodney remembered the sneer on the councilman’s large face as he tried to stare him down. Then Rodney uttered the words that got them into trouble.
“Well, from the looks of it, don’t you think you could do without some of that food?”
He had looked down at his plate, taking another bite of food and when he looked back at the councilman, he saw that Jesdain was on his feet; with fists clenched, he was starting to move around the table toward Rodney. Rodney jumped up from his chair and had looked over at Sheppard, expecting Sheppard to already be on his feet. But Sheppard was looking out the window and drinking masut as if he didn’t realize what was happening.
Ronon grabbed the councilman trying to keep him from reaching Rodney, getting a fist in his face for his efforts. Teyla jumped up and also tried to keep the man from getting to him. At that point, Jesdain took Teyla by the shoulders and threw her behind him, into the wall. Ronon grabbed the large man and hit him in the jaw; Jesdain barely staggered from the blow. He came back at Ronon, hitting him in the face and knocking him on his backside. Teyla was just getting up from the floor and Rodney had run around the table to help her. He had just about reached her when Jesdain turned from Ronon and spotted him.
Rodney raised a hand from the warm water and touched the bruise on his jaw. Just thinking about the punch that he took was enough to make it hurt as it did when big fist connected with his jaw. He had fallen backwards but someone caught him and pushed him back up. The councilman had started to turn back to take care of Ronon when Teyla caught him by surprise by hitting him in the chest and then on the left leg with chair leg that had been broken off when Ronon fell on it. Jesdain fell to his right knee and Rodney hit him with a narrow wooden bread platter that he grabbed from the table. The blow stunned the Kieran momentarily giving Ronon enough time to land the last punch which knocked Jesdain out; he fell to the floor at Rodney’s feet.
Rodney remembered the silence that settled over the room as Jesdain fell to the floor. Teyla had quickly recovered and spoke to the master.
“Master, we apologize for any misunderstanding, but we had to defend ourselves.”
Rodney spoke up and said, “I think he took my comment personally. I only meant that I had seen his produce farms and the harvest is going to be extremely abundant; I knew he would have more than enough to share. I wasn’t trying to insult him; I just chose my words badly. Look, I’m sorry.”
The master looked at the Atlantians and gave them a tenuous smile. “Jesdain is very vain and very conscious of his size. Dr. McKay, I am certain that you did not mean to insult him. He was already angry at me and I believe he was just looking for a reason to pick a fight.” The master turned to the other councilmen and requested they get Jesdain out of the dining hall.
Ronon was the first to realize that Sheppard wasn’t in the dining hall. Taking Teyla by the arm, Ronon motioned for Rodney to come with them. As he grabbed his backpack, he heard one of the servers tell Teyla that ‘he said to meet him at the gate’; he ran after his teammates.
Rodney ducked under the water and came up with bubbles all over his face; he brushed them off and thought, if only he could brush off his guilt that easily it would be really nice. He still didn’t understand why Sheppard had not joined them in the fight and he was getting angry. Damn it, Teyla was thrown against a wall; if Sheppard hadn’t worried about him or Ronon, surely he would want to defend Teyla and keep her safe.
“What the hell is wrong with Sheppard?” Rodney slapped the water, sending bubbles all over the tile wall.
He was very frustrated but he knew the answer to his own question; Sheppard was still grieving for Elizabeth. Or maybe he’s grieving for himself, Rodney thought; he couldn’t save Elizabeth and he has never forgiven himself.
“Mr. Macho Military; Mr. I could have been MENSA; Mr. Prankster; Colonel Protector…” Rodney was now yelling at the ceiling. “You don’t get it do you; you’re why the rest of us are alive, you, your freaky hair, your stubbornness, your never leave anyone behind mantra…you are the only reason we are alive…what the hell are we going to do with you?”
Rodney sank back in the tub and sighed deeply; he knew that getting emotional was not going to help John Sheppard but he was emotional about this man. Rodney knew he was an egotistical, self-serving, brilliant man with little social skills who joined the Atlantis expedition with only his success in mind. He had this wonderful scenario playing in his head; they would find the great lost city of Atlantis and he would make the most magnificent discoveries. He envisioned all of his colleagues who were already jealous of his brilliance would cower at his feet for his achievements. He laughed and whispered to himself, “What a crock…you really are a piece of work, McKay.”
The truth was he had learned that other people mattered, that a tall, lanky, laid-back flyboy with crazy hair and an annoying way of not being bothered by the caustic personality of the chief scientist on Atlantis could make him a better person. He had never relied on or trusted anyone before but now he wasn’t certain that he could survive without John Sheppard. He might continue if Sheppard was no longer around but only because of what Sheppard had shown him. Sheppard had made him realize that he wasn’t as big a coward as he thought he was; that he could be relied on in tough times, and not just because of his smarts but because of his bravery.
“Brave, who would have ever used that word to describe me?” Rodney asked the walls.
He thought back to a couple of years ago when he and his sister, Jeannie had been kidnapped by Henry Wallace, head of Devin Industries. Wallace wanted their help in curing his daughter’s fatal illness by using nanites and had infected Jeannie with the microscopic robots to ensure his cooperation. Despite their best efforts, Wallace’s daughter died and Jeannie was in grave danger. He had needed help from the Wraith, ‘Todd’, to correct the nanite programming but Todd was too weak from not feeding to help.
Sheppard created the circumstances that made it possible for Jeanie to be cured. He had presented the facts about Jeanie’s zero chance of recovery to Wallace and had been able to get Wallace to sacrifice himself to Todd, providing the Wraith with the strength to finish the programming. When Rodney had walked in the lab Todd was using and realized that Wallace was dead and Todd was healthy, Sheppard was there. Again, he would never forget the expression on Sheppard’s face as the body bag carrying Wallace was taken from the lab; it was burned into his memory.
He sucked in a breath; still not believing what had happened. He knew Sheppard well enough to know that the colonel had given up a bit of his soul to save Jeannie. While he was aware that Sheppard made this happen because he genuinely cared for Jeannie, he also knew that the pigheaded, stubborn man had done it for him. When he tried to talk to Sheppard about it later, he didn’t get very far. Sheppard would only say that Wallace was the one who suggested he sacrifice himself; he didn’t feel he had anything to live for with both his wife and daughter dead. Sheppard claimed to have only provided the opportunity.
What could he ever do to let Sheppard know that his friendship was more important than any accolades from the science world or any great discoveries that he might make? He knew that that was a conversation that he and Sheppard would never have. He could only show Sheppard that he would always be there for him.
To be there for him; the most important thing he could do. And that meant now, now when his friend was so distraught over Elizabeth’s death. He had to do something, they had to do something. Rodney stepped out of the bathtub and began to dry off. He was going to find Teyla and Ronon. They had to help their friend.
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex, Teyla Emmagan, Jennifer Keller, others, original characters.
Spoilers: It would be easier to tell you what wasn’t mentioned…suffice to say that if you have watched all of the episodes that either deal with Elizabeth Weir or discuss Weir then it most likely included as is just about everything else.
Warnings: Minor bad language, lots of angst, there is whump, mention of possible self-injury.
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 3,093
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: Upon the anniversary of a tragic loss, Sheppard’s in pain and his team is distraught at not being able to help him.
REFLECTIONS IN WATER
REFLECTIONS IN WATER
By stella_pegasi
CHAPTER FOUR THE SOAKING SCIENTIST
Rodney was restless. Dinner with Ronon had been silent; Ronon never talked much and he could usually fill up the void yet he found that he didn’t have anything to say either. He suspected they both were worried about Sheppard but neither could admit it. After he left the mess hall, he went to his lab to work but couldn’t concentrate. Leaving the lab, he wandered around for a while; he stopped in the control room and fixed a computer problem that Amelia was having. Tired of walking aimlessly around, he decided to go to the infirmary and see Jennifer.
The infirmary was quiet as Rodney wandered through; he only saw one patient, one of his scientists, Dr. Renault, who had slipped in the shower and hit his head. The doctor who treated him had insisted that Renault stay overnight for observation but assured Rodney he would be fine. He found Jennifer reviewing a file at a desk in one of the ward areas. She smiled when she looked up and saw him approach, ‘Hey, how are you?”
“OK, I…I just can’t seem to find a purpose this evening; must be because you have to work tonight, Dr. Keller.” He sat down on the stool next to the desk.
“Rodney, I’m flattered but I have a feeling something else is bothering you. How’s your jaw?”
“Sore, but I’m fine.” He rubbed lightly along the still blossoming bruise.
“Now, I know something is wrong; you sounded too much like Colonel Sheppard just then. But remember, he has the corner on the “I’m fine when he isn’t” market.”
“OK, I’m not fine. Sheppard’s hurting and he won’t talk to anyone, he won’t even talk to Teyla. Ronon’s less talkative than usual and I can’t seem to talk to anyone without having them hit us. We’re a bunch of misfits.”
Jennifer laughed, “You are not misfits; you’re just very complicated people who have a lot of responsibility; sometimes things close in and make it hard to cope. Rodney, you, Teyla, Ronon, and the colonel are not the only ones who are feeling sadness today. If you remember, I’m the person who came to you and brought up the nanites as a possible cure for Elizabeth. If this is anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”
“No, you were only trying to save your patient, I knew better. I knew Sheppard would be angry and I knew Elizabeth wouldn’t want what I did to her. Sheppard was right, I shouldn’t have done it. This was my fault.” He bent over and put his head in his hands.
Jennifer leaned over and put her hand on the back of his neck, “You know something, Rodney? We all simply wanted to keep Elizabeth with us; John wanted that, too. If there is any blame to had, we should probably all share it but our only intention was to keep her alive; we didn’t want lose her.”
Rodney started to reply when three Marines brought in a buddy who was in a lot of pain. Jennifer jumped up to check on her patient. With a few quick questions, she ordered blood work and told the nurses to prepare for an emergency appendectomy; she flashed a quick smile at Rodney and was off to the OR.
He sat there for a few moments then decided that he would just be in the way if he stayed and waited for her. He had been putting off going to his quarters but maybe a hot bubble bath would make him feel better. As he left the infirmary, he passed a few Marines coming in, looking a bit battered. Walking away, he thought he heard one of them mention Ronon’s name; McKay smiled, so that’s how Ronon deals with his frustrations.
His quarters were a mess. They had been on Kieran for three days during the negotiations and he was spending a lot of time in Jennifer’s quarters, so he hadn’t realized what a mess he had left. Mess…he’d left a mess alright, a different kind of mess. He was the cause of Sheppard’s pain and he had no clue where to begin to fix it.
At least the bathroom was clean, he thought as he turned on the faucets and dumped in the bubble bath. Sheppard always teased him about his bubble baths but it was his way of relaxing and clearing his head. The only time that he could escape the constant barrage of people wanting answers from him. While his brain never stopped, at least, he could think about only what he wanted to while he was soaking.
He returned to the bedroom and peeled off his clothes, dropping them in the pile that had accumulated on the floor. He stood for a minute looking at the pile of clothes thinking that he really needed to clean that up but it was a passing thought. He only wanted to soak, not clean.
As he eased into the big tub filled with hot water, the bubbles rose around him and he sighed, this is worth it. Sheppard could tease him all he wanted; the colonel didn’t know what he was missing.
Rodney tried to let his mind go blank for a change but it wasn’t working. The hot water and soothing, fragrant bubbles were calming his body but not his mind…or was it his soul in turmoil? His own guilt, compounded by the guilt he felt for causing Sheppard’s pain, was suffocating. When Jennifer came to him and told him that Elizabeth would die unless he activated the nanites, he had been reluctant to do it. He knew what the colonel would say and he knew what Elizabeth would want but he couldn’t just let her die if there was a safe way to save her. He did everything he could to make certain that the nanites were safe and the Replicators wouldn’t be able to locate her and in turn, Atlantis. When Jennifer told him that Elizabeth couldn’t wait any longer, he turned the nanites back on.
As long as he lived, he would never forget the look that Sheppard gave him when the colonel realized what he had done. Rodney’s greatest fear was that he would disappoint this man who had become his friend. He had done it once before and it took him a long time to gain back Sheppard’s trust. It was then that he saw how resilient the colonel could be; when it became apparent that Elizabeth was healed, Sheppard accepted what had happened and began to deal with it. Rodney knew that Sheppard would never forget that he had caused this but Sheppard put his anger away and went on.
That his action would turn out the way it did; that he would also suggest the one thing that would save Atlantis, stealing a ZPM from the Replicator homeworld, but would cost them Elizabeth forever, never entered his mind. That she sacrificed herself to save Sheppard, Ronon, and him preyed on him since that day as it did on the colonel. Rodney wondered if Sheppard had forgiven him for that.
He often wondered if Sheppard knew how much he missed Elizabeth. Several months after the events on the Replicator world, they had another surprise involving Elizabeth. The Replicators had made flesh and bone copies of Sheppard’s team and of Elizabeth. When the Elizabeth ‘copy’ contacted Atlantis, for a brief moment he and Sheppard both were shocked and overjoyed, that is until she explained how she and the ‘other’ team came to be. They had intel on the Replicator ships to give them and the two teams had met face to face but the Replicators located them. Once again, Elizabeth along with the ‘other’ team members sacrificed themselves to save the originals. He knew that Sheppard had always felt that he would be able to bring Elizabeth home but Elizabeth was gone again.
Rodney wasn’t sure if he was more upset after they left her on the Replicator world or if he was after the copy was lost to them. It would have been great to have her back, just like it was to have Carson back, clone or not. He had believed that Sheppard had come to terms with losing Elizabeth after the ‘copy’ created by the Replicators was killed allowing them to escape. At least until her disembodied consciousness came to Atlantis only a few months before and the old wounds were opened again. Instead of being healed, those wounds were made worse by Elizabeth once more sacrificing herself to protect Atlantis and them. Rodney suspected that the finality of her act only increased Sheppard’s pain and guilt over her loss.
Sinking further down into the bubbles, he went over the events of the day. How he had gotten them into a fight still was an enigma to him. He didn’t think that he had asked anything out of line but an already angry councilman who was a lot bigger than Ronon didn’t see it that way.
They were tired having been on Kieran for three days, Sheppard and Teyla negotiating the treaty details on behalf of the Pegasus Coalition Council; it was Woolsey’s idea for Atlantis to participate in building the coalition. Woolsey had him working with the Kieran “scientists” who were not much more advanced than cavemen. Well, maybe they were smarter than that but not much. Sheppard had sent Ronon with him; no doubt to keep him out of trouble. Lot of good that did, trouble found him. He thought back to the events at lunch.
He and Ronon had returned to the resting house after Teyla sent word that the treaty was signed. He was anxious to get back to Atlantis and was not happy that they were staying for a meal even though the food they had been served while there was very good.
“Sheppard, why do we have to have another meal with these people? Don’t you know the old adage, ‘after three days both fish and guests begin to smell’?”
Sheppard had only glared at him and proceeded to walk into the dining hall. He just stood there until Ronon pushed him through the door.
“Dr. McKay, Specialist Dex, welcome; we have much to celebrate.” The Master Councilman was directing them to sit at the large table in the center of the room. The Kierans were very formal and had insisted on using titles when referring to each of them; Rodney remembered that Ronon just grunted when Sheppard had introduced him as ‘specialist’.
They sat down and immediately their goblets were being filled with a fruity alcoholic beverage called masut. The beverage packed a powerful punch and Rodney watched as Sheppard down his drink in a matter of seconds. He caught Teyla’s eye and she nodded that she had also seen the colonel. She leaned over to Ronon who had taken the chair next to her and whispered something to him; from that point on, Ronon kept an eye on their commander.
The master stood up and raised his goblet, “I offer a toast to our new friends and more importantly our new allies, the members of the Pegasus Coalition. May this association bring value to us all.”
Sheppard motioned to the server to refill his glass and downed it again as the others took a sip of theirs.
The table was soon laden with a large variety of foods for them to choose from. Rodney remembered the bread and how delicious it was, he could almost taste it even while sitting in his hot bath. He had decided if he had to be there then he would enjoy the food and had piled his plate full of the various meats and vegetables. While they enjoyed their food, the Kierans shared stories of the days when they hid from the Wraith in the tunnels below the city. Teyla carried the conversation for the Atlantian’s; Sheppard was continuing to drink the masut with Ronon watching him. The discussion soon turned to the treaty; one of the Kieran councilmen who had been unhappy with the details of the treaty decided to voice his anger.
“Master, I fail to see why you feel that we have new allies simply because of this treaty. I see only a treaty which does not bring as much to Kieran as it does to the so-called ‘allies’.”
As he sat in the bath staring at the tile wall across from him, Rodney knew he should have kept his mouth shut. But he had been to the farms owned by Jesdain, the large councilman who has expressed his anger and he knew that there was an overabundance of vegetables being harvested. According to Teyla, they had come to terms on an average harvest amount to expect each year that the coalition would take and that Atlantis offered to take this year’s extra produce in exchange for medical and building supplies. It only made sense, as the over-harvest would have rotted in the fields. So he spoke up; maybe if he hadn’t said anything, they wouldn’t have had the fight.
“Councilman, you own the big produce farms on the north side of the town, correct?”
Jesdain nodded, “Yes, doctor, I do but what does that have to do with the fact that this treaty gives large amounts of our food in trade for items I am not convinced that we need. Our healers do quite well without your medicines, we have no need for food, and we produce our own tools, so where is the good for us?”
Rodney remembered the sneer on the councilman’s large face as he tried to stare him down. Then Rodney uttered the words that got them into trouble.
“Well, from the looks of it, don’t you think you could do without some of that food?”
He had looked down at his plate, taking another bite of food and when he looked back at the councilman, he saw that Jesdain was on his feet; with fists clenched, he was starting to move around the table toward Rodney. Rodney jumped up from his chair and had looked over at Sheppard, expecting Sheppard to already be on his feet. But Sheppard was looking out the window and drinking masut as if he didn’t realize what was happening.
Ronon grabbed the councilman trying to keep him from reaching Rodney, getting a fist in his face for his efforts. Teyla jumped up and also tried to keep the man from getting to him. At that point, Jesdain took Teyla by the shoulders and threw her behind him, into the wall. Ronon grabbed the large man and hit him in the jaw; Jesdain barely staggered from the blow. He came back at Ronon, hitting him in the face and knocking him on his backside. Teyla was just getting up from the floor and Rodney had run around the table to help her. He had just about reached her when Jesdain turned from Ronon and spotted him.
Rodney raised a hand from the warm water and touched the bruise on his jaw. Just thinking about the punch that he took was enough to make it hurt as it did when big fist connected with his jaw. He had fallen backwards but someone caught him and pushed him back up. The councilman had started to turn back to take care of Ronon when Teyla caught him by surprise by hitting him in the chest and then on the left leg with chair leg that had been broken off when Ronon fell on it. Jesdain fell to his right knee and Rodney hit him with a narrow wooden bread platter that he grabbed from the table. The blow stunned the Kieran momentarily giving Ronon enough time to land the last punch which knocked Jesdain out; he fell to the floor at Rodney’s feet.
Rodney remembered the silence that settled over the room as Jesdain fell to the floor. Teyla had quickly recovered and spoke to the master.
“Master, we apologize for any misunderstanding, but we had to defend ourselves.”
Rodney spoke up and said, “I think he took my comment personally. I only meant that I had seen his produce farms and the harvest is going to be extremely abundant; I knew he would have more than enough to share. I wasn’t trying to insult him; I just chose my words badly. Look, I’m sorry.”
The master looked at the Atlantians and gave them a tenuous smile. “Jesdain is very vain and very conscious of his size. Dr. McKay, I am certain that you did not mean to insult him. He was already angry at me and I believe he was just looking for a reason to pick a fight.” The master turned to the other councilmen and requested they get Jesdain out of the dining hall.
Ronon was the first to realize that Sheppard wasn’t in the dining hall. Taking Teyla by the arm, Ronon motioned for Rodney to come with them. As he grabbed his backpack, he heard one of the servers tell Teyla that ‘he said to meet him at the gate’; he ran after his teammates.
Rodney ducked under the water and came up with bubbles all over his face; he brushed them off and thought, if only he could brush off his guilt that easily it would be really nice. He still didn’t understand why Sheppard had not joined them in the fight and he was getting angry. Damn it, Teyla was thrown against a wall; if Sheppard hadn’t worried about him or Ronon, surely he would want to defend Teyla and keep her safe.
“What the hell is wrong with Sheppard?” Rodney slapped the water, sending bubbles all over the tile wall.
He was very frustrated but he knew the answer to his own question; Sheppard was still grieving for Elizabeth. Or maybe he’s grieving for himself, Rodney thought; he couldn’t save Elizabeth and he has never forgiven himself.
“Mr. Macho Military; Mr. I could have been MENSA; Mr. Prankster; Colonel Protector…” Rodney was now yelling at the ceiling. “You don’t get it do you; you’re why the rest of us are alive, you, your freaky hair, your stubbornness, your never leave anyone behind mantra…you are the only reason we are alive…what the hell are we going to do with you?”
Rodney sank back in the tub and sighed deeply; he knew that getting emotional was not going to help John Sheppard but he was emotional about this man. Rodney knew he was an egotistical, self-serving, brilliant man with little social skills who joined the Atlantis expedition with only his success in mind. He had this wonderful scenario playing in his head; they would find the great lost city of Atlantis and he would make the most magnificent discoveries. He envisioned all of his colleagues who were already jealous of his brilliance would cower at his feet for his achievements. He laughed and whispered to himself, “What a crock…you really are a piece of work, McKay.”
The truth was he had learned that other people mattered, that a tall, lanky, laid-back flyboy with crazy hair and an annoying way of not being bothered by the caustic personality of the chief scientist on Atlantis could make him a better person. He had never relied on or trusted anyone before but now he wasn’t certain that he could survive without John Sheppard. He might continue if Sheppard was no longer around but only because of what Sheppard had shown him. Sheppard had made him realize that he wasn’t as big a coward as he thought he was; that he could be relied on in tough times, and not just because of his smarts but because of his bravery.
“Brave, who would have ever used that word to describe me?” Rodney asked the walls.
He thought back to a couple of years ago when he and his sister, Jeannie had been kidnapped by Henry Wallace, head of Devin Industries. Wallace wanted their help in curing his daughter’s fatal illness by using nanites and had infected Jeannie with the microscopic robots to ensure his cooperation. Despite their best efforts, Wallace’s daughter died and Jeannie was in grave danger. He had needed help from the Wraith, ‘Todd’, to correct the nanite programming but Todd was too weak from not feeding to help.
Sheppard created the circumstances that made it possible for Jeanie to be cured. He had presented the facts about Jeanie’s zero chance of recovery to Wallace and had been able to get Wallace to sacrifice himself to Todd, providing the Wraith with the strength to finish the programming. When Rodney had walked in the lab Todd was using and realized that Wallace was dead and Todd was healthy, Sheppard was there. Again, he would never forget the expression on Sheppard’s face as the body bag carrying Wallace was taken from the lab; it was burned into his memory.
He sucked in a breath; still not believing what had happened. He knew Sheppard well enough to know that the colonel had given up a bit of his soul to save Jeannie. While he was aware that Sheppard made this happen because he genuinely cared for Jeannie, he also knew that the pigheaded, stubborn man had done it for him. When he tried to talk to Sheppard about it later, he didn’t get very far. Sheppard would only say that Wallace was the one who suggested he sacrifice himself; he didn’t feel he had anything to live for with both his wife and daughter dead. Sheppard claimed to have only provided the opportunity.
What could he ever do to let Sheppard know that his friendship was more important than any accolades from the science world or any great discoveries that he might make? He knew that that was a conversation that he and Sheppard would never have. He could only show Sheppard that he would always be there for him.
To be there for him; the most important thing he could do. And that meant now, now when his friend was so distraught over Elizabeth’s death. He had to do something, they had to do something. Rodney stepped out of the bathtub and began to dry off. He was going to find Teyla and Ronon. They had to help their friend.