Phones, teases and call centres
So phones. I dont like using the phone to call people and ask them for things. Even ringing for a pizza takes a great deal of courage for me. As I said yesterday, I get a wave of shyness and will try to put off using the phone till much later or until someone else takes it upon themselves to phone for me. I went into this "phobia" (though I use the word phobia lightly as its not a fear of phones its more a shyness of phones) with Sarah yesterday.
She asked me exactly how I felt when using the phone to ask for something and I could only describe it as an overwhelming shyness.....similar to when as a child one might have felt when an unfamiliar person came into the room...like a loud aunty with pink lipstick or an uncle with a beard and an over bearing presence.....she asked if I could think of any time when as a child I was told off for asking for things...and I mentioned the "ask dont get, dont ask dont want" paradox.
My grandad often used this as a tease. He liked to tease as does my dad. I suppose its genetic because my brothers tease and so do I sometimes but imagine being 5 and having 2 older brothers a father AND a grandfather teasing, serious headfuck! I suppose that is a contributing factor. However I dont think this is the entire cause. Indeed, it IS a contributing factor but as I pointed out its not always been a problem for me.
When I worked as a Legal clerk in 1995 I eagerly phoned people left right and centre. Then, when I began in the Health & Safety Executive I was wary but not entirely bothered. Though since working in the call centre I have been conscious of phoning people. The Call centre was an Inbound one but I did have to make a outbound calls. Typical Nazi style mentality:-
YOU SHALL NOT MOVE FROM YOUR CHAIR
YOU SHALL NOT GO OFF THE PHONES WITHOUT PERMISSION (which you had to go off the phones to ask for!)
YOU SHALL NOT SPEND LONGER THAN 7 MINUTES ON A CALL (dealing with chimps what dont have a clue about computers, duff ISP issued software and people running Windows 95...often requiring reboots and reinstallations....oh yeah like that takes 7 minutes!)
YOU SHALL BE LOGGED ONTO ASPECT TIME (oh you're late? Centre manager for you boy!)
YOU SHALL NOT RAISE THINGS TO SECOND LINE
YOU SHALL RAISE THINGS TO SECOND LINE
YOU SHALL WORSHIP SATAN
YOU SHALL HAVE EVERY CALL MONITORED AND SCORED
YOU SHALL HAVE NO SOUL
YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK TO ANYONE OTHER THAN CALLERS
YOU SHALL TAKE SHIT FROM OBNOXIOUS FUCKWITS JUST HOPING TO GET COMPENSATION BECAUSE THEY CAN'T VISIT THEIR FAVORITE PORN SITE
YOU SHALL NOT DISCONNECT FROM ASPECT UNTIL EXACTLY THE TIME WHEN YOUR SHIFT ENDS (oh you have a call 30 seconds before you log off? tough you have to take it. Oh yeah and you wont get any thanks for it or be allowed to take time in lieu )
Yeah? Great isnt it?! No wonder Im a thoroughly well adjusted individual. (Ok this job at the university is nowhere near as bad as the call centre one but it could quite easily become as bad overnight). Telewest have a lot to answer for.....I do blame them for my change in attitude toward using the telephone. When I call call centres now I am aware of the poor tyke on the other end working to ACHT (average call handling times), having a member of the SS listening into their calls, the stress etc. So I am nice as pie and I always start like this....
CALL CENTRE LACKEY:- Good morning/afternoon/evening Nazi Call centre how can I help you?
GNOMEPANTS:- Ok I know you have a call handling time and you probably have someone listening in so I will be as quick as I can....{insert problem/request here}
That way I am bringing to the attention of the listener that I KNOW THEY ARE THERE! and that they should go easy on the call lackey if they go over their time.
I suppose thinking about it its a mixture of shyness, embarrassment and a feeling of "oooh I should try and find out myself or work it out myself without bothering someone else because theyre under stress anyway dealing with other people yadayadayada"
I need a ciggy....need to chill out.....this post stressed me out....too many bad memories.....Comments/similar tales highly desirable
She asked me exactly how I felt when using the phone to ask for something and I could only describe it as an overwhelming shyness.....similar to when as a child one might have felt when an unfamiliar person came into the room...like a loud aunty with pink lipstick or an uncle with a beard and an over bearing presence.....she asked if I could think of any time when as a child I was told off for asking for things...and I mentioned the "ask dont get, dont ask dont want" paradox.
My grandad often used this as a tease. He liked to tease as does my dad. I suppose its genetic because my brothers tease and so do I sometimes but imagine being 5 and having 2 older brothers a father AND a grandfather teasing, serious headfuck! I suppose that is a contributing factor. However I dont think this is the entire cause. Indeed, it IS a contributing factor but as I pointed out its not always been a problem for me.
When I worked as a Legal clerk in 1995 I eagerly phoned people left right and centre. Then, when I began in the Health & Safety Executive I was wary but not entirely bothered. Though since working in the call centre I have been conscious of phoning people. The Call centre was an Inbound one but I did have to make a outbound calls. Typical Nazi style mentality:-
YOU SHALL NOT MOVE FROM YOUR CHAIR
YOU SHALL NOT GO OFF THE PHONES WITHOUT PERMISSION (which you had to go off the phones to ask for!)
YOU SHALL NOT SPEND LONGER THAN 7 MINUTES ON A CALL (dealing with chimps what dont have a clue about computers, duff ISP issued software and people running Windows 95...often requiring reboots and reinstallations....oh yeah like that takes 7 minutes!)
YOU SHALL BE LOGGED ONTO ASPECT TIME (oh you're late? Centre manager for you boy!)
YOU SHALL NOT RAISE THINGS TO SECOND LINE
YOU SHALL RAISE THINGS TO SECOND LINE
YOU SHALL WORSHIP SATAN
YOU SHALL HAVE EVERY CALL MONITORED AND SCORED
YOU SHALL HAVE NO SOUL
YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK TO ANYONE OTHER THAN CALLERS
YOU SHALL TAKE SHIT FROM OBNOXIOUS FUCKWITS JUST HOPING TO GET COMPENSATION BECAUSE THEY CAN'T VISIT THEIR FAVORITE PORN SITE
YOU SHALL NOT DISCONNECT FROM ASPECT UNTIL EXACTLY THE TIME WHEN YOUR SHIFT ENDS (oh you have a call 30 seconds before you log off? tough you have to take it. Oh yeah and you wont get any thanks for it or be allowed to take time in lieu )
Yeah? Great isnt it?! No wonder Im a thoroughly well adjusted individual. (Ok this job at the university is nowhere near as bad as the call centre one but it could quite easily become as bad overnight). Telewest have a lot to answer for.....I do blame them for my change in attitude toward using the telephone. When I call call centres now I am aware of the poor tyke on the other end working to ACHT (average call handling times), having a member of the SS listening into their calls, the stress etc. So I am nice as pie and I always start like this....
CALL CENTRE LACKEY:- Good morning/afternoon/evening Nazi Call centre how can I help you?
GNOMEPANTS:- Ok I know you have a call handling time and you probably have someone listening in so I will be as quick as I can....{insert problem/request here}
That way I am bringing to the attention of the listener that I KNOW THEY ARE THERE! and that they should go easy on the call lackey if they go over their time.
I suppose thinking about it its a mixture of shyness, embarrassment and a feeling of "oooh I should try and find out myself or work it out myself without bothering someone else because theyre under stress anyway dealing with other people yadayadayada"
I need a ciggy....need to chill out.....this post stressed me out....too many bad memories.....Comments/similar tales highly desirable