"and it's good here for murder"
What the hell. There's way too many people in this world who take themselves too seriously, myself included.
I'm ready to leave it.
For real, these things are too much of a toll on my emotions. Even if I left logical reasoning behind a long time ago, even if I can justify anything and nothing is a conscience issue anymore, everything is so sticky. Nothing will let me be. There is no freedom in this space. At all. Every time we think we are liberated we are just picking up the chains. Maybe loosening them for a bit, just a tiny bit, and when we think we can breathe we just pull them tighter. I told him this will be the thing that destroys us. It's already eating away, has been for months, at us individually. We've become accustomed to it. I feel wrecked, like I should just cling to the whole thing for what it's worth because there is no repair by now, there is no going back. There are parts of who I am that have been reshaped. But I have to find life again, the reality of it, and get rid of these things that appear to mean so much and truly are just a let down.
...And nobody on here gives a crap about this but I just felt like writing it. So suck it up, skip the entry, I don't care if you read it or not.
I'm ready to leave it.
For real, these things are too much of a toll on my emotions. Even if I left logical reasoning behind a long time ago, even if I can justify anything and nothing is a conscience issue anymore, everything is so sticky. Nothing will let me be. There is no freedom in this space. At all. Every time we think we are liberated we are just picking up the chains. Maybe loosening them for a bit, just a tiny bit, and when we think we can breathe we just pull them tighter. I told him this will be the thing that destroys us. It's already eating away, has been for months, at us individually. We've become accustomed to it. I feel wrecked, like I should just cling to the whole thing for what it's worth because there is no repair by now, there is no going back. There are parts of who I am that have been reshaped. But I have to find life again, the reality of it, and get rid of these things that appear to mean so much and truly are just a let down.
...And nobody on here gives a crap about this but I just felt like writing it. So suck it up, skip the entry, I don't care if you read it or not.