introversion: my drug of choice
it's taken decades for me to get some social conventions to be at least semi-automatic for me, and almost daily i find myself regretting it. just because, when someone asks "how are you?" i smile and say "good. how're you?" instead of just mumbling "fine." does not mean i'm into you, folks. it doesn't mean i want your autobiography. it doesn't mean i don't want to eat alone. it doesn't mean anything other than i'm TRYING to be an acceptably polite member of society and, hey, buddy? this *sweeping hand motions about the body* is my personal space and by the way i am no longer "good" but sliding dangerously close to "surly". small talk is ok, spontaneous stalking is not. the... i mean... what the.... *sigh*
marginally related, the extremes of men i seem to attract lately is just laughable. they're either "oh, HONey, what league do you think you're in, anyway?" or "don't even toy with me unless you have a hotel room key, mister." i prefer, of course, the latter, but i'm far too paranoid to think anything other than that they're playing a sick game. *grin* regardless (and, depressingly), none of them can really flirt. i mean REALLY. just that easy, seductive banter that's not forced or trying to impress, that sneaks up on you and gets into your awareness through the back door while the chemistry is staring you in the face so that when they meet there's a synergistic thrill that... uh... i sound like an addict, don't i? well. ok, ya know what, i just decided that i'm gonna fall madly in love with the next man i meet who can flirt. (and is reasonably attractive. heh.) really, really flirt without coming off cutesy or desperate or borderline pornographic. someone that makes me think "damn. this man can dance. and he's reasonably attractive."
oh, hell. i think my little voice just called me a slut.
marginally related, the extremes of men i seem to attract lately is just laughable. they're either "oh, HONey, what league do you think you're in, anyway?" or "don't even toy with me unless you have a hotel room key, mister." i prefer, of course, the latter, but i'm far too paranoid to think anything other than that they're playing a sick game. *grin* regardless (and, depressingly), none of them can really flirt. i mean REALLY. just that easy, seductive banter that's not forced or trying to impress, that sneaks up on you and gets into your awareness through the back door while the chemistry is staring you in the face so that when they meet there's a synergistic thrill that... uh... i sound like an addict, don't i? well. ok, ya know what, i just decided that i'm gonna fall madly in love with the next man i meet who can flirt. (and is reasonably attractive. heh.) really, really flirt without coming off cutesy or desperate or borderline pornographic. someone that makes me think "damn. this man can dance. and he's reasonably attractive."
oh, hell. i think my little voice just called me a slut.