CROSSROADS

[stef_close_enuf]

ok so i have him. i have him comptlely. its what i wanted. its what i wished for. and suprisingly i dind't even try. so why is it that its out of sight out of mind with him. i have this huge complex of getting a guy to fall and then being over it. mostly because i fall for him so early on then by the time he falls i've moved on. i don't think thats what it is here. whenever im around him i get that stupid smile and its just pure bliss. but i feel no need to contact him what so ever. i knew i loved him before he left and i knew i loved him when i got to see him again for the first time. but i was sooo hurt that saying i love him seems distant, not wrong just distant. I know i still do cuz just writing that got me a lil teary eyed. maybe its just such a love that i can go without needing to talk to him, does that make sense?

the other issue. im at a crossroad. if i get into school thats another year here, without him. making him wait, if he will. or if i don't then i go up there, blind sided no job just skilled in wiping old peoples booty's. i guess im just really scared that he wouldn't be willing to wait really. i mean fudge. but something inside me says he will. i DONT want to talk to him about it untill i know. but in all honesty. its one year and i will be having the CAREER that i have been working my ass off for. he doesn't strike me as someone that would make me choose besides he knows me, really good sooo....AHHHHH