Hurt Not Angry.
i finally broke. it happened last night. i wasn't able to keep it in any longer. i can't take all of my stuff being ruined. i can't take working my ass off and helpin everyone only to be slapped in the face. i can't take rude people treating me like shit and then being nice as hell when they want my help. i can't take feeding everyone only to be crtisized for what i make. i being told or asked not to clean up after them because they are sleeping. i just can't/couldn't take their bullshit anymore. so i broke i explained everything. how badly i want to take something tey worked their ass's off for and make them sit there and watch me ruin it and every time they ask me not to tell them fuck you ill do what i want when i want. just one time even the playing field. maybe they will work their ass's off and know the feeling. the really sad part, im not even angry. im soo hurt that i can't talk to them about it. i cry because i can't bring myself to be the bitch they all think i am. i can't be as disrespectful as them. i can't play their game. i dnt' want to crush everythin they have worked for or just plain ruin their dreams and their hopes because im that selfish. i dont' want to be. in high school i let soemone bring me down like this and convinced myself it was my fault, which it was for LETTING them do it. i told myself never again, but its already happened. i can't stand myself because of it. i can't stand them. not on a hatelevel. i just don't like who they are, ugly on the inside. what a horrible life to live. you have to ruin the lives of the people around you so you feel better? once again im not angry just hurt. and that actually bothers me. its past the point that i can be angr. it ha gone so far that i can't say anything; its my fault for letting it get this far. what hurts, these are the people i was willing to help in the drop of a dime and now i wouldn't give a dime. that huts that they have pushed me that far.