Once again the tide of desperation rolls in
Sometimes the idea of being constantly nice all the time is sickening. I just once want to be able to speak my mind and tell someone to fuck off, but I can't do that because I am too fucking nice. Sometimes I just want to be able to take initiative and speak my mind. Tell someone they are a lying piece of shit and should fucking die. I also want to be able to tell people that I love them without them getting freaked out. For once I want to be the guy that everyone flocks to without question. I want to be the guy that people look at and say that guy looks interesting and I want to talk to him. Maybe I am just too neurotic for that type of answer. Or I am too introverted. Either way I have something wrong with me and when I finally find someone that is just as neurotic and fucked up as me she doesn't want a relationship. Ugh...the thing is she is cool as fuck and really relaxed and she has that northern sense of humor where an insult isn't really an insult. She confides in me, but only as a best friend. I just wish that somehow I could shine through as someone who has something to offer to anyone. Maybe I am trying too hard or idealizing this too much. I don't feel like this often so when I do, I have to hold on to it and maybe in my holding on so tightly it slips through fingers. Right now I am dying to stay awake and write this so I bid you all a good night and a better week.
Rob
TNG
Rob
TNG