Entry # 115- # 41
We went with Clarice today. We did go to Ihop but we didn't end up eating there because it was too packed. We ended up at Las Palmas, not the one by our house, but one closer to Clarice's. Then, even though her back was hurting her, we went to her suite and picked up alot of her belongings and then we went to her new apartment and visited with the puppy and kitty. And then we came home.
I had another dream about my haunted house this morning. Didn't go to bed until five this morning and got up at eleven in the morning. Anyway, I was absorbed as normal, thinking that my dream was real, while I was in it. And I had the strong notion to write a book about it, even after I woke up and was still half asleep. Now, I can't remember the dream, just bits and pieces and none of it makes sense, so I won't be writing about it. It's an ongoing dream that I have. It's my house, the same house, and it's haunted, even though I don't believe in ghosts.
I still haven't weighed myself. Hell. I'm gonna go do it now- I've probably packed on the lbs, I've been eating like such a pig. oink oink! Yeah, I have. 8 lbs. I'll weigh myself again tomorrow morning. I tend to weigh the most in the evenings. So much for maintaining. Oh well. Not everyone can be thin.
I was reading through some of my entries and I have changed alot over the last few months. Don't know how, seeing as how I don't have feelings. Where can the growth come from? My dreams? I actually brought out my concordance and some news articles from the bible study we used to attend. I have plans of using scriptures to back up my beliefs, instead of just stating them.
I still don't have it in me to study scriptures, thank God I have those years of studying under my belt, though I remember alot of what I learned, I just don't know exactly where all of it's located in the bible. Thankfully, I know key words to look up in my concordance and can find the scriptures that way. Plus, the news articles I have are packed full of overlooked scriptures, and voices my main beliefs. I can now use those.
I see the lesson
No point guessin
You can't force belief
You can't force the need to see
You can't force the truth.
And those demons in my backyard
They can't change who they are-
Bit by bit and piece my piece
They want to control me
But I am seperate and on my own
My flesh is the enemy
My sin is my own.
It's all in His hands
But with the truth comes power
Knowing his plans
No need to cower
When you know more then most-
So many ghosts
Haunting my soul
Oh my disbelief
Had taken control.
Oh, but there is safety in numbers
Those that are numbered and written in the book of life
They're the only one's to understand
They're the only ones that see
He's too good for
Me.
When I am overwhelmed
He will be there.
When I'm on my way to hell
He'll be everywhere
Yes, I've made my bed there
I've felt the flames
The helpless
Such wicked games-
Still
I am to blame
But I am free of shame
Set free to believe
In things I can't see
He's made himself a part of me.
I think the poem is long enough. It's scattered, but it voices some things that I wanna get acrossed and helps make the dreams I've been having about the haunted house to make sense.
I hope ya'll have a good evening!