reflecting

[steelcandy]

yeah so i am home for a brief moment and decided to give a little update. came home to lots of messages of "where are you" ... well ... mondays i do go to anger managment for an hour and it really isnt my fault that everyone seems to think that those two hours i am gone is the best time to call. i am home now and the phone sits silent. i am showering and leaving after i waste a good 10 minutes posting an entry. i am finding myself a bit sick and tired of a few people and i will not mention names for i am way to nice for that. sorry that i got help from someone you dont approve of ... sorry that i cant be a party all the time and i have many priorities right now. i just do and i just am. i am close to 30 and feeling the weight of i need to get out of this hole and get stability for me and my cat. me and my cat is my future and im sorry that going out and being a drunken retard are not on the top of my list of things to do. all in all ... i am going out next saturday for the anniversary party at the club and after that is sam's party then i am focusing on my friends and events down here ... not to mention myself. i find myself more and more disappointed and let down by a small few that i feel unfortunatly will never change themselves or work on themselves ... for they really dont have to. responsability is not required for them and never will be ... so they will be one of those really old never fully amounted to anything people that are still drinking and partying their lives away. kinda sad ... but all in all i wish them the best with that and when i see them in they'r pathetic state 5 years from now ... i can only say ... "i tried". there are probibly in total of 5 people i have met in the past 6 years that will still be in my life 5 years from now ... may be harsh to say ... but true. i see myself on a path away from certain people and towards lifelong friendships.

this may seem like a negative entry ... tis not. is actually me throwing random thoughts out there that have been eating away at my brain. i see it as a positive entry.

off to shower and romp!