See me comin' to town with my soul, Straight down out of the world with my fingers

[revengeisbitter]

Day: 30
Characters: Sasuke Uchiha [revengeisbitter] and Hige [apathywolf]
Summary: Time to find out what the fuck is wrong and fix it, once and for all.
DAY/NIGHT & Time: evening
Status: closed, incomplete

Comments

[revengeisbitter]

Something strong and metal clamped around Sasuke's heart and twisted; it was just like before, when Hige had been suffering from his headaches, only...only this time, somehow--Sasuke was the one causing the pain.

How... How, damn it? He resisted the urge to slam his fist into the wall, knowing that outright anger would just make it worse. Somehow, Hige's illness seemed to intensify when Sasuke was particularly loud and emotional, and he didn't...it would kill him to add to his friend's misery any more.

Instead, he knelt carefully on the floor, paying no attention to the pool of vomit that was steadily spreading dangerously close to his knee. Some backwater part of his brain registered the irony in the situation; that one time, not long ago, he'd been the one vomiting all over this cell.

"Don't try to talk too much," he whispered carefully. He wanted to reach out to Hige, touch him, make sure he was real--but somehow, he had a feeling that would make things even worse. "I'm just...going to have a look around the room. Then...I'll have a look at you."

[apathywolf]

He couldn't stand it, being so weak in front of Sasuke, being so weak because of Sasuke. That fact alone hurt him way more than the physical symptoms ever could. He was afraid, though that was something that he could never admit to the other, especially since he already felt like he was worrying the other more than enough already. It scared him that he was sick because of Sasuke, his best friend here and his mate, and he didn't want there to be no reason for it, and that was why he was determined to see this through, and be close to Sasuke even if it hurt.

He vomited again, eyes squeezed shut and tearing up when Sasuke spoke once again, his whole body shaking slightly from the pain and the nausea and everything else that made him feel that he was being torn apart from the inside out while in the other's presence. He could push it aside though, he'd ignore it, but he wanted to be with the other. He needed to be able to have someone here... The someone who hadn't hated him or abandoned him no matter what and... He wasn't going to lose this.

Coughing harshly, figuring that he didn't have anything left inside him anymore, Hige weakly grasped at the ninja's hand, shakily squeezing it despite the needles he felt piercing his skin from the touch. Slowly uncurling on the bed, lying on his back while his chest rose and fell heavily and unnaturally.

"N-No... Sasuke, please. Look at me first. I need to know what's happening.. and I want to feel your touch."

[revengeisbitter]

Throat suddenly dry, Sasuke pushed down a gulp of air and lowered himself back down onto the ground, ignoring the next wave of vomit that almost certainly made it onto his clothes. That was the least of his concerns; he needed to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong with Hige, and if the wolf boy had been poisoned, it was certainly out of his system now.

He gave the pool of vomit a cursory glance, noting the lack of blood in it, then carefully reached out, brushing a strand of Hige's hair away from the sweaty forehead. He anticipated another wave of vomit, knowing that physical contact was bound to make the illness worse, but--he couldn't help it. He wanted to touch Hige as badly as his friend apparently wanted him to touch him--wanted it, despite the pain that it would inevitably cause.

Heart heavy, Sasuke forced himself to snap into the place he usually went when he had a sick or injured teammate to care for--cold, clinical, obvervant...unaffected. He felt Hige's clammy forehead, checking for a fever, while his other hand worked over the other boy's body, searching his clothes for anything unusual.

"I know it's hard," he murmured, as quietly and calmly as he could. "But you have to tell me, Hige...is there anything unusual or strange or...out of the ordinary? Regarding your body, I mean. I'm pretty sure you aren't poisoned...but that doesn't mean they didn't tamper with whatever it is they fed you."

That had to be it...he simply couldn't think of anything else. His heart twisted as he remembered that the inhabitants of the asylum all came from different times and places...and that whomever had done this to Hige could very well have access to things Sasuke didn't even know about.

[apathywolf]

Throat dry and mouth tasting... pretty much terrible, Hige swallowed hard, unable to keep himself from squeezing his eyes shut, flinching and trying to sink more into the bed as Sasuke fingers touched his forehead, making him feel sick, and like the faint touch was as much as a bullet being fired point blank into his head, and the wolf could help but yelp a pained response to the touch. He forced himself to stay still though, because despite the searing pain, he could still fill the light, familiar touch of Sasuke's fingers, the warmth of the other was still there, feeling right and natural, and even good, despite the the physical reaction he was having to it.

His breathing was heavy and labored, coming out in short gasps, as if he could barely breath at all. His head was killing him too, making him dizzy and aching and so many things all at once and threatened to cause him to pass out if he hadn't been so adamant about staying awake, about being able to do what he could in order to help Sasuke help him.

Hige gripped the sheets tightly, his knuckles white, as Sasuke's hands started searching through his clothes and on his body, making him blush along with the pain, not unfamiliar with the other, but the contact somehow pushed past the pain, and still managed to somehow feel good.

"I don't think so," He whispered through gritted teeth, fangs biting down hard on his bottom lip enough to make him bleed. "It's a ringing... Like a whistle or something. It makes me feel sick all the time..."

[revengeisbitter]

Sasuke kept his expression determinedly even, checking Hige's pulse and trying hard to ignore the way the other flinched at his every touch. He was...this wasn't like anything he'd experienced before. These last few days...had been painful in a way his mind couldn't quite comprehend. The edges of his brain were packed in, forced on all sides by the rigid rules of the shinobi, leaving no room for things like--like heartbreak. That was the only word for it, what--what he'd been feeling, and...and it had hurt in a way that wasn't physical, wasn't caused by any weapon or technique.

He hated it.

Swallowing carefully, Sasuke continued his appraisal of Hige's body, remaining clinical despite his mind's efforts to wander somewhere it didn't belong. A troubled frown appeared on his pale face as he listened to his friend's words, and yet...he couldn't possibly understand what they could mean.

A ringing... Sasuke knew that Hige's ears were more sensitive than most, and--that it could literally be anything, anything causing the sound, no matter how far away, and the wolf boy would most certainly be able to hear it. More anxious and frustrated than ever, Sasuke drew back slightly, intending to search the room now that he'd finished searching Hige, and--once he finished with that, he'd search the next room, and the next, he'd search the whole goddamned asylum--

Then--he stopped.

"Hige..." he murmured, drawing close again. "Your collar..."

[apathywolf]

Hige closed his eyes once more as Sasuke continued, forcing himself to pay attention to his breathing instead of the ninja's hands moving over his body, checking his pulse and searching for something they didn't even know was there or not, or even what it was. He wasn't sure what to think the whole time. Part of him wanted there to be something there, for Sasuke to find whatever it was that was making him sick, so that he could be with his mate again like he was supposed to. So that he could stop feeling like he was going to tear down the middle every time he heard Sasuke's voice.

Yet, a part of him didn't want to know that there was something wrong. Something he couldn't explain wanted this to not be the fault of the staff, especially Suchong. Sure the doctor had shocked him repeatedly at first, but after a while, he'd become really nice to the wolf. Suchong had been feeding him, real meat even, and also was kind to Hige. The wolf didn't think that there was any reason to despise him. He couldn't understand it, since he knew that Suchong was a doctor here and a human, and thus shouldn't be trusted, but still, Hige had deluded himself otherwise.

A soft noise escaped his throat, a mixture of sadness and relief, as Sasuke finally pulled away. Hige sighed softly, finally opening his eyes to look at the other again, but immediately shrank back when Sasuke pulled close once again, his body jerking back against his will rather than something intended. Hige hated himself for it.

He stared at Sasuke for a moment, his hand carefully lifted to his collar, touching it just barely. "Wh-What about it?" He choked out in barely a whisper, not sure what was wrong with it.

[revengeisbitter]

Sasuke had tried. He'd tried to stay calm, tried to keep a level head--he'd done it before, been forced to do it countless times, ever since he'd become a shinobi...ever since he'd graduated the academy and stepped into that twisted world for the first time. He'd been forced to bury his skeleton into a rigid metal thing, born to kill, born to break his way through life while the soft things melted and festered inside him.

He couldn't live that way. He'd--he'd tried. Bent all his thoughts on revenge, kept his pain stifled away to boil somewhere, and--it had bled through, it all had bled through, pouring over the sides, burning... Maybe he didn't have what it took to be a true shinobi, but fuck--that didn't matter. That didn't matter, because it was boiling over again--searing its way forward until he was moving like something mechanical, his eyes on fire and melting in his skull. Before he could think he was hitting Naruto, leaving Konoha, killing Itachi--ripping the collar off Hige with all his strength--

He yanked, fully aware of the other's pain but willing him to be strong, praying that the resilience he'd fallen in love with would hold up as he continued to pull until the threads parted ways, giving more and more as he tore at it, ripped at it--he hated it, he wanted the damn thing gone, he'd burn it if he could--

"Be strong," he murmured as he felt the other jerk against him. "Be strong, it's almost off...be strong..."

It didn't occur to him that he was talking more to himself than Hige.

[apathywolf]

Hige found himself getting really worried all of a sudden, feeling like there was something really wrong, and that his collar, something he'd had for as long as he could remember, was suddenly something very foreign and even dangerous. He didn't even know what to think about it, and the suddenly serious look on Sasuke's face, the almost angry vibe that Sasuke was giving off was weighing heavily on Hige, a pressure closing on his head, feeling a nauseating, crushing feeling from the seriousness.

Then he felt the boy pulling at his collar, something that Hige immediately wanted to stop, something reflexively trying to make him shove Sasuke away, protect something that was his, a part of him...

But that wasn't the only part of him... Sasuke was his too. Somebody that he needed, more than even a silly strap of leather around his neck. Sasuke thought something was wrong with it, that it was possibly the problem... Hige trusted him.

He still wanted to push the other away though, but Sasuke's words were reassuring. Be strong... Hige whimpered softly, forcing himself to not be pulled with the collar, his own hand shakily lifting up to pull on it as well, the dull fingers which he wasn't used to tugging futilely on the leather. Sasuke would have to do it... Whatever it was.

[revengeisbitter]

Like so many times before, the edges of Sasuke's world turned red and curled inwards, burning away to nothing-- Whatever it was that was ringing in Hige's ears had reached his own, somehow, and he could hear the blood pounding in his brain, thrumming brutally, harder and harder until nothing else remained. Fingers hooking around the leather, white with strain, he continued to pull, all his frustrations bleeding out through every pore in his body, something like tears beading up in his eyes...

Hige's hands joined his, tugging at the collar feebly, and with a pulse of adrenaline the ninja boy ripped it in half at last--he stumbled, the momentum of it sending him back a few steps, and he righted himself, the now-broken strap of leather dangling in his hand.

Eyes wide, he stared down at it, staring at the strange device attached to it, which was undoubtedly the cause of all the confusion and grief they'd suffered for far too long. Heart twisting, he tossed the collar across the room, watching with satisfaction as the device shattered against the wall.

Breathing heavily, he stared at Hige, praying--praying that he'd found it, that it was over. He didn't dare blink, watching the other for any sign, any indication that things were back to normal.

[apathywolf]

Whimpering as Sasuke continued to pull on the collar, the wolf feeling jerked along with the collar while still feeling sick from everything that Sasuke was feeling, empathizing with somthing in Hige's mind that made him feel sicker and sicker.

Finally though, the collar was jerked off his neck, tearing free as Hige jerked back, falling hard on the bed and coughing hoarsely now that the strain was gone. Immediately, it felt like an enormous weight was lifted off the wolf's shoulders.

Once the collar wash smashed, Hige covered his ears as a lost painful noise pierced his ears, then... Then silence. Hige shuddered for a moment as everything seemed to just wash away, all the pain and nausea disappearing so quickly that he felt an unsteady vertigo, and once again, retched all over the floor.

Breathing heavily, but more easily than before, Hige carefully looked up at the ninja, whispering softly.

"Sasuke?"

[revengeisbitter]

Breath caught, tangled and halted in Sasuke's throat and he stood horribly still, but for his skin pulsing slightly with every beat of his blood beneath it. That--had to have been it. It had to. There was nothing else for it, it... It had to end now.

His hands were raw, bleeding slightly from where the taut leather had cut into his skin, but he paid it no mind as he watched Hige carefully, eyes wide and peeled back as he fell to the side, coughing--throwing up...again, oh fuck... Could it...could it be that wasn't it after all? The brief, fleeting swoop of relief in Sasuke's chest was caught in midair and squeezed, dragged back down and shoved somewhere to weep. It couldn't be...he'd found it, he'd fixed it... It was...

Wait.

Hige was stirring again, moving slowly, his body more relaxed, less rigid-- He still looked sick, but...somehow, his cheeks looked fuller, less hollow, and when he opened his eyes to look at Sasuke-- There wasn't any revulsion or fear to be found, they--they looked---

They looked normal.

Something broke inside Sasuke, unleashing a flood of emotion he hadn't realized had built up, and he flung himself forward-- He didn't care that the stench of vomit was surrounding them, or that he must have resembled something of a needy child, sobbing and clinging--but he didn't care. His arms were locked around Hige's neck with a little more force than he'd intended, his body pushing atop the other until they'd tumbled onto the bed, the ninja boy clinging as hard as he could, negating all the distance that had come between them at once.

"F-fuck...fuck..."

[apathywolf]

Hige seemed to be caught in the moments between everything that was happening, seeing things in slow motion as things slowly began to shift back into focus. No longer did everything seemed to be blurred and out of focus, looking at everything from the outside and feeling sick beyond his control each time that he tried to even think about Sasuke.

Finally though, he could see his mate again, really see him, look at him without feeling like his insides were being torn apart. He could hear Sasuke clearly, without the constant ringing that made his head hurt. He could even smell Sasuke without feeling nauseated.

Best of all though, was when Sasuke suddenly jumped at him, holding onto the wolf as tightly as possible, pulling him close despite everything that happened, how badly Sasuke must have felt by the way Hige had treated him, and how disgusting Hige looked, felt, and probably smelled.

"Sasuke," He whispered as the ninja hugged him tightly, pushing him back on the bed. The wolf could see the tears in the other's eyes, and felt so guilty about them.

"I'm sorry Sasuke... I'm sorry." He whispered repeatedly, holding tightly to his mate, not intending to let go anytime soon... Ever again.

[revengeisbitter]

Sasuke had never been called a sentimental person, or--affectionate, or even gentle, it just--too closely resembled weakness, all of it, and weakness was a poison that would corrode his resolve away. It was sick, in a way, that despite everything he'd learned from Hige, he was still so quick to equate emotion with weakness, vulnerability with shame.

That left only the slightest taste of bitterness on his tongue, however, as he felt the strain of everything eat away at a body that was too human, a heart that was too sensitive for its own good. So he held on, clinging to his friend the way one might cling onto the first breath of air after being forced underwater.

He couldn't help it. He'd come so close to losing something else--something else precious to him, so easily, just like before...but-- Not this time. This time, he'd made it. He was able to stop it, he--he'd been strong enough. Finally--he could protect someone he loved.

That notion seemed to overpower everything, and Sasuke felt words and thoughts dwindle away, burying his face in Hige's shirt as he shook his head over and over, fists tangled in the other's hair and clothes as he held on with everything he could, every part of him that could reach out--

"You...should," he said, breathing heavily into Hige's shirt, his voice sounding hoarse and foreign to his own ears. "You should be...fucking sorry...I thought...fuck...don't ever...do that again..."

[apathywolf]

Hige felt something that he could only interpret as relief. For a short time now, the worry that Tsume has disappeared again had faded from his memory. Once again, everything he'd done wrong, everyone he'd betrayed... It was all inconsequential, because once more, Sasuke was here with him, protecting him from himself. Sasuke had once again saved him, freed him from whatever it was that was killing him.

He still felt guilty though, with the ninja so desperately holding onto him, burying his face in the wolf's shirt. Hige could only remember seeing the tear that were threatening to fall from Sasuke's eyes just before he'd flung himself at the wolf.

Had Sasuke really been crying for him? It made sense to Hige, since Sasuke was his mate after all, but still, it was something that he didn't expect. He hadn't ever seen Sasuke cry before, not when he'd lost his roommate, nearly died, and even before Hige's therapy. So for the ninja to be so free with his emotions disarmed and even worried the wolf.

"I really am sorry," He whispered again reassuringly, smiling just slightly and gently rubbing Sasuke's back, wanting nothing more than to soothe the other, which would in turn soothe him.

"I promised that I would come back," He gave a tired, wry laugh before resting his chin on Sasuke's shoulder. "I was a little late, I guess."

He tried to make things lighter, but everything he said just felt hollow in the memory of what had just happened.

"I love you, Sasuke, and I'm sorry I couldn't say it before. I'm sorry that I made you suffer alone."

[revengeisbitter]

Shaking his head over and over, Sasuke pressed himself close, still stubbornly refusing to let Hige see the tears on his face. With a dull sense of muted embarrassment he realised he'd cried more here than he'd ever had in his life, at least when in the presence of others. It was usually something he reserved for when he was alone, kept awake by nightmares, and so torn up with grief and frustration that he could feel it scratching away at him from the inside.

He'd held it back, though, even when emotion had pushed him forward and into Hige's arms, clutching the other like he'd never held onto anything before... He'd held it back, wanting to stay strong for his friend, to be someone capable of surviving in this place, against all odds. He'd survived thus far, but he'd be fooling himself if he said it was because of his own strength alone.

No...he'd be dead if it weren't for Hige. His relentless pride had been damaged just enough to allow that fact to sink in, but it was barely assuaged by the knowledge that he'd saved Hige from death in this place as well. It wasn't like that anymore. It wasn't--a trade-off, they didn't owe each other, they just--needed each other, and fuck-- The moment Hige spoke, and those words reached Sasuke's ears for the first time in what seemed like forever, something finally cracked.

"Y-you didn't--it's fine--don't go--again--" he said between deep, heaving breaths. He would pay as much money as he possibly could, give up anything he owned to erase the memory from every person in the asylum that could hear--but later. Right now, nothing could stop him from sobbing into Hige's shirt, not even the pride that he'd once valued above all else.

[apathywolf]

Hige didn't know what to do anymore for Sasuke. It had been days since he'd even seen Sasuke, let alone gotten to touch him again, hold him and protect him like the wolf knew that he was supposed to be doing the whole time, but had failed to do so. He had failed as a mate, and now Sasuke was crying and it just... The pain he felt being sick was nothing compared to how bad it was to see Sasuke like this.

He couldn't do anything other than pull Sasuke closer to him, holding him securely against the wolf's chest, rubbing his back reassuringly, wanting to somehow convey that this was real now, and that he wasn't going to push the ninja away, or let anything like before ever happen again.

Hige wanted nothing more than to just kiss Sasuke, make things like they had been just before he had been taken to therapy, before Suchong had done something to his collar that made him hate Sasuke, even though Hige couldn't fully bring himself to be angry at the doctor.

However, even thought he wanted to kiss the ninja, Hige was surprisingly aware that he'd been sick, and vomiting, and he didn't want to be disgusting for Sasuke. It was something that normally the wolf wouldn't have thought about usually, but he had been slowly being more self-conscious because of the other.

So he settled on just keeping Sasuke close, burying his face in the other's hair and taking in the scent that he'd missed for so long, that he was so familiar with.

"I won't..." He whispered softly, hoping that somehow it was making Sasuke feel better. "It's okay now. Everything is back to normal, and..." He wanted to say nothing bad would happen anymore, but he knew it would just be a lie in this place. "And I love you. So stop crying, okay?"