It's worse to fall in love by yourself
I suppose saying anything about the Army here is taboo. No threats have been made, and I haven't been black-bagged. All I should say is, I'm ready to get out. Still a little under three years left. Which means it's been a little over five years. Looking back, things are about the same. Frustrated, unproductive, and constant obstacles. No reason to even attempt to be a good soldier but that isn't saying I hate this country. On the contrary, I love it. This military branch, off the radar of most Americans, lacks a purpose. Funding is out of the question if even busywork is suggested. But I suppose this is ambiguity is still crossing a line.
Only purpose for this now is purging. It doesn't make my troubles fall away but my need for catharsis isn't sated by family anymore. We've all grown up, apart, out, I don't know. Nothing's improving and no one's going to anybody for counseling besides my stepdad and I--who are invested in this family and would prefer it to work. The relationship between my mother and her boyfriend, I often hear, is none of my business. No answer is the correct one. But really, there's only one correct answer to their distrust and denial between each other and that's to separate after another year of using him as a punching bag and a sucker. That idiotic phrase "history has a tendency to repeat itself" has its mark all over this one and I'm pessimistic enough to consider this the only possible scenario.
Not surprisingly, my mother's behavior is playing havoc with any faith I have in others and my own wishes upon a star to have a wife I can think of as "a sure thing" (for lack of a better phrase). After all the irrational decisions they've made, I find myself not making any smart ones in mine. Crash, after crash, after crash, I find myself not making any moves to improve my life anymore as a Pavlovian response. Oh, I'd love to be happy. Have pressures alleviated, stress fall through my fingers like sand.
Oh god, I suppose this was just a post blaming my parents for my shortcomings to be a fully-functional adult.
Only purpose for this now is purging. It doesn't make my troubles fall away but my need for catharsis isn't sated by family anymore. We've all grown up, apart, out, I don't know. Nothing's improving and no one's going to anybody for counseling besides my stepdad and I--who are invested in this family and would prefer it to work. The relationship between my mother and her boyfriend, I often hear, is none of my business. No answer is the correct one. But really, there's only one correct answer to their distrust and denial between each other and that's to separate after another year of using him as a punching bag and a sucker. That idiotic phrase "history has a tendency to repeat itself" has its mark all over this one and I'm pessimistic enough to consider this the only possible scenario.
Not surprisingly, my mother's behavior is playing havoc with any faith I have in others and my own wishes upon a star to have a wife I can think of as "a sure thing" (for lack of a better phrase). After all the irrational decisions they've made, I find myself not making any smart ones in mine. Crash, after crash, after crash, I find myself not making any moves to improve my life anymore as a Pavlovian response. Oh, I'd love to be happy. Have pressures alleviated, stress fall through my fingers like sand.
Oh god, I suppose this was just a post blaming my parents for my shortcomings to be a fully-functional adult.