Im not sure
its weird, I am happy, things arent as I would prefere them to be in many aspects of my life, but I am content, and happy. but right now, I feel less than so, like for some reason, I have just been dumped on by the world. Not that anyhting happened, things are the same as always. But then, that could be why. I am 26, going bald, and far fatter than is healthy. should all that really bother me though? I just make it seem worse than it is, it isnt so much that I dont wanna go bald, though I do love my hair and the many things I can do to it. Being fat isnt bad, as long as I can still move around and do my everyday lazy things, but it isnt healthy either. And worst of all of them, being 26, how can age really seem to come so fast, and just be gone in a flash? I look back, and the things that have happened in the last five years seem to feel like they have all happened in the last year alone. there just isnt enough time, and i am begining to feel all the things I really felt I needed to do in life wont ever happen. A decent job that could support myself and a family.. A FAMILY in itself would be nice as well. though I know most people have had kids and been through all kinds of shit by the time they are 26, I know they werent ready, but I doubt I will ever be ready. but then, its probably gawd keeping me from raising the next Charles Manson or something.. though I know I wouldnt. But I would send him off to kindergarten with a spiked dog collar on. but on to new things...
I hang out at a bar, the same bar every week, the same people, yeah sometimes people show up whom I have not seen in a while, and it is nice to see them, but how many times can you see the same people and say hi and hug and ask how they are and whats going on, and how long are you really gonna care? yeah sometimes I wish I had a girl I could take there with me so I could share my time with them. but then, I like that the girl i am seeing doesnt go to the bar, cause it gives me something to talk about in my boring life. I am not working right now, and havent been the last two weeks, which, as much as i may like being a lazy bumb, I definately prefere keeping my shit together. and for a guy lookin like I do (tattoos and piercings and a mohawk) it isnt too easy to just come accross a job, oh yeah I have a nicely trimmed beard, which is a NONO at many places, and I WONT shave it. But if my stubborness stays as such and i dont get a job, then how am I gonna move forward in life? Catch 22 of sorts, I wanna better my life, but I dont wanna change to do it, nor do I wanna get into something that would end up changing me. I cannot say I feel like a typical out of place person who isnt sure what they wanna do in life, thats for teenagers, right? I am 26, shouldnt I already know? and shouldnt I have already gotten into all that and started on my way? Oh yeah, not to mention living with my parents, how cool is that? not very, I know.. if I was single, how am I gonna get a date saying, hey wanna come over to my place and see my room? cause I definately dont want anyone to have to meet the parents. alcoholic disrespectful mother who (though she allows me to live in her house) expects me to be a slave to her. constantly bitching about my pups, yes, the house is small, and I dont always have enough time to show them the love they need, but there are far worse homes many animals get stuck in. But I do love them, major like. But maybe she is right, and I should have the humane society come get the, so they can get better homes. they are a sure win to get good homes. but sometimes I feel, they are all I have in life, my only achievement, I have trained them really well, which took alot of time and dedication. first time for everything right? But if I didnt have them, it would be far easier for me to find a place to stay. ugh, what to do, what to do... any ideas anyone?...
So, on to new news.. My ex, the wretched bitch, has just been dumped by her Oh So Perfect boyfriend, HA HA! I think it is funny as hell. and it is her fault, how b e a utiful is that. Not that I am a mean person or anythitng like that, but when it comes to her, I REALLY dont care anymore. after all her shit talkin and lying, she deserves it, maybe this will give her a lil bit of a heart, enough that next time, when someone tries to care, and to help her out, she doesnt turn her back on them for some worthless fuckface... not that I know anything about him really, other than that he was still with his ex when they got together, and stayed with his ex for a long time, while he was using her... ohwell, it doesnt matter, I just love when people get a taste of what they deserve... and if she reads this, again, HA HA, and yes I know, I am a Dick, and am more than willing to let that be known.
OK, so now, I have to say somehting about what I have been up tp since I stopped working... I have been hangin out at my favorite lil tattoo shop, helpin out and what not. Ms Anne, once offered to show me how to do the work, but.. I am no real artist, I doodle, and I can trace, but I doubt I have the finesse to do the real art of it all. as much as I would love it. Ill just be the shop bitch for a while :) I love being helpful and know I am making a differnce.
Id like to find way to help meld the different parts of my life together, My HeHe(best friend), my time at the bar, my time at the shop, and find time to still do all those things i SHOULD be doing with my life. But instead, it all stays seperate, and I dont do 90% of the things I should be doin. Like workin on my Mustang, or looking for work, or many many other things that I have the time for right now. I really need to work on my bass practice, my lazy ass bought it, the least I could do is learn to play it, right? have wanted to play one since jr high... but yes, on that, I shall go, good days all
I hang out at a bar, the same bar every week, the same people, yeah sometimes people show up whom I have not seen in a while, and it is nice to see them, but how many times can you see the same people and say hi and hug and ask how they are and whats going on, and how long are you really gonna care? yeah sometimes I wish I had a girl I could take there with me so I could share my time with them. but then, I like that the girl i am seeing doesnt go to the bar, cause it gives me something to talk about in my boring life. I am not working right now, and havent been the last two weeks, which, as much as i may like being a lazy bumb, I definately prefere keeping my shit together. and for a guy lookin like I do (tattoos and piercings and a mohawk) it isnt too easy to just come accross a job, oh yeah I have a nicely trimmed beard, which is a NONO at many places, and I WONT shave it. But if my stubborness stays as such and i dont get a job, then how am I gonna move forward in life? Catch 22 of sorts, I wanna better my life, but I dont wanna change to do it, nor do I wanna get into something that would end up changing me. I cannot say I feel like a typical out of place person who isnt sure what they wanna do in life, thats for teenagers, right? I am 26, shouldnt I already know? and shouldnt I have already gotten into all that and started on my way? Oh yeah, not to mention living with my parents, how cool is that? not very, I know.. if I was single, how am I gonna get a date saying, hey wanna come over to my place and see my room? cause I definately dont want anyone to have to meet the parents. alcoholic disrespectful mother who (though she allows me to live in her house) expects me to be a slave to her. constantly bitching about my pups, yes, the house is small, and I dont always have enough time to show them the love they need, but there are far worse homes many animals get stuck in. But I do love them, major like. But maybe she is right, and I should have the humane society come get the, so they can get better homes. they are a sure win to get good homes. but sometimes I feel, they are all I have in life, my only achievement, I have trained them really well, which took alot of time and dedication. first time for everything right? But if I didnt have them, it would be far easier for me to find a place to stay. ugh, what to do, what to do... any ideas anyone?...
So, on to new news.. My ex, the wretched bitch, has just been dumped by her Oh So Perfect boyfriend, HA HA! I think it is funny as hell. and it is her fault, how b e a utiful is that. Not that I am a mean person or anythitng like that, but when it comes to her, I REALLY dont care anymore. after all her shit talkin and lying, she deserves it, maybe this will give her a lil bit of a heart, enough that next time, when someone tries to care, and to help her out, she doesnt turn her back on them for some worthless fuckface... not that I know anything about him really, other than that he was still with his ex when they got together, and stayed with his ex for a long time, while he was using her... ohwell, it doesnt matter, I just love when people get a taste of what they deserve... and if she reads this, again, HA HA, and yes I know, I am a Dick, and am more than willing to let that be known.
OK, so now, I have to say somehting about what I have been up tp since I stopped working... I have been hangin out at my favorite lil tattoo shop, helpin out and what not. Ms Anne, once offered to show me how to do the work, but.. I am no real artist, I doodle, and I can trace, but I doubt I have the finesse to do the real art of it all. as much as I would love it. Ill just be the shop bitch for a while :) I love being helpful and know I am making a differnce.
Id like to find way to help meld the different parts of my life together, My HeHe(best friend), my time at the bar, my time at the shop, and find time to still do all those things i SHOULD be doing with my life. But instead, it all stays seperate, and I dont do 90% of the things I should be doin. Like workin on my Mustang, or looking for work, or many many other things that I have the time for right now. I really need to work on my bass practice, my lazy ass bought it, the least I could do is learn to play it, right? have wanted to play one since jr high... but yes, on that, I shall go, good days all