(Untitled)

Feb 08, 2013 05:49

 Back in December, it hit me that I've been fairly self-destructive most of my life. Within reason, in a sort of suburban way, but still, making decisions that aren't good for me.  Marrying joe was one and I think I knew it at the time.  Hooking up with Sammy's father was 100% pure self destructiveness. But there have been other things...I flirted ( Read more... )

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delqc February 8 2013, 13:48:35 UTC
Honey. xoxo

If you let Sammy's father waive his parental rights, is the only way to do that to remove him from the certificate? And if you do that, do you retain the right to claim child support? Seems like that would not be the case.

I totally understand your fear of the custody thing. Perhaps you could sign a joint legal document with him, like a will, granting custody upon your death to the guardian of your choice, with your other kids. Perhaps there is another way to do that. But removing Sammy's right to child support - I don't know. That seems a risk, and horribly unfair to you. You should be getting child support. Obviously I have no idea what the financial situation is and perhaps Sammy's father is in a financial situation where that would be a moot point, but that might not always be the case... what if you were disabled and alive but could not work? The $ to care for Sammy would become important.

Also, when Sammy is older, he may not appreciate having no father listed on his BC. His father exists, you know who it is, he should know. The Birth Certificate is a legal record. I don't actually know if you CAN remove a parent once it is issued - here I do not believe you can, because it is considered contrary to the rights of the child. But I could be wrong.

You are the lawyer, of course, but... well, just some thoughts. I guess I am asking if there is another legal way to get what I assume want (waive any rights/responsibility for guardianship for him even in the case of your death, retain options of support) without doing that.

This is hard stuff. I hope you and the kids are ok. I am contemplating divorce myself at the moment and it is not easy.

xoxo

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ste_noni February 8 2013, 16:10:24 UTC
If you do end up filing for divorce, I wanted to mention that I am really enjoying this askmoxie.org workshop. I can tell you more about it if you end up interested but just something to keep in mind.

So, if B were to terminate his parental rights, yes, he would not owe child support. Which I do think is unfair to Sammy, but the amount Sammy is likely to get over his childhood is small. Currently, he gets $200 per month which I put in a savings account for him.

I would always have the version of the birth cert i have now, which has both names, but that wouldn't be the current or legal version, I guess. Personally, I doubt B has the stamina to follow through on this. I don't think I will push for it for a variety of reasons (I don't think it is fundamentally fair to Sammy and I wish he was old enough to be at least a little invovled in the decision) but if B wants to do it, I don't think I will oppose him.

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mearagrrl February 9 2013, 00:59:41 UTC
The support thing was what I wondered about--I mean, sure, you don't need it now, but it's possible that some day. On the other hand, makes perfect sense that you'd be concerned about the guardian thing--do you think he would want/accept that? If there were someone else you had in mind who was willing? Who would the other two go to, in that case--if their dad, would they be able to keep up contact with Sammy no matter who he ended up with?

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ste_noni February 9 2013, 01:05:53 UTC
I'm pretty sure there is no way around the fact that if I die, Ellie and Frisco end up with Joe. Sammy would live with either his aunt J or my parents, depending on how old everyone was at the time. I don't think there is any way for them to live together and i'm certain they would see each other only at vacations and stuff. The only way around that would be to let Joe raise Sammy and that will never happen from my end. This is actually one of the things that got me thinking about not being very safe with myself - taking risks and so on. I now have a real reason to be safe, you know?

Anyway, as for the support, I'm not sure what the right answer is. I don't think B would want to raise Sammy and I'm fairly certain he could be bought off with a few hundred or thousand dollars. If I'm dead, there will be life insurance money, you know? I have documented and saved his texts where he says he wants to terminate - I doubt that would win the day might it might contribute over all if the situation were to arise.

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