Not enough time.
I hate Summer.
About the only aspect of this season I do like is that it usually ends just before Winter.
Of course I like some of the Summer products such as the green trees, hard-core thunder storms, insect serenades... and sometimes I even enjoy the oppressive heat and humidity that envelopes me like warm butter.
But over all, this is my least favorite time of year... it depresses me, irritates me... makes me wonder if I don't have a form of Seasonal Affective Disorder... I feel like hibernating.
Yesterday I smelled it, in the cool morning air; the first hint of decay, a sweet reminder that all things change... the trees are starting to shed... and as if to confirm my subtle suspicion, a cacophony of brass instruments blared out this year's marching band hopefuls at the school next door.
I figured Summer might be the reason I've been feeling down, it happened around this same time last year... and I hear some friends are going through mediocre moods too...
but it might be TIME that's affecting me/us...
Thursday was depressing for no single obvious reason...
I've been working in office 42, which has a large wall of exec-coveted windows, looking over the drab new Dorm Parking at Georgia Tech. Animators don't like light unless it's coming from behind the paper, so the windows typically remain shuttered, although sunbeams pin-prick the shades and the room gets unbcomfortable warm in the afternoon.
A month ago, 42 was Dawud's new office and hosted a bank of Flash animators on one wall, and a bank of traditional animators on the other. The room was always bustling with people, and offered opportunities to talk with a variety of artists and animators...
But everybody has been moved around and now this office is empty except for a handful of animation wheels and one contractor; Me. There was an intern named Benji, but he left on Wednesday...
So, it was lonely yesterday, just me and my headphones, and that didn't lighten my mood. I left work earlier than normal thinking it might be nice to just come home and take care of some things...
When I got home, I found Scout had barfed twice in the kitchen. I let her out and before I could get around to mopping the mess, kungfoogirl huffed in with a few arm loads of stuff, (whenever I see her like this, burdened and bustling, she reminds me of a tiny, disgruntled Hagrid -with much less hair!... Most of the time she just reminds me of Harry.). She seemed irritable, which is common these days (I always assume that it's the Atlanta rush-hour traffic), but she vented to me that she was sick of coming home to a cluttered mess and that there's not enough TIME to deal with all it... it's never-ending.
... I'm sure Scout's donation didn't help her mood.
In a recent post she more clearly expressed her irritation ...she's paraphrased the feeling I had when working two jobs and still being unable to make ends meet... life was leaking from me like heat from a dead body... just a fading memory of my existence...and nothing could slow it.
While I fully agreed with her, I wasn't in a state of mind to deal with more negativity, so I came down to the cluttered art room and lay down on the floor to meditate... later, feeling cold and cramped, I moved my body upstairs and continued meditations/sleep in my own room.
At one point I surfaced, eyes flickering open... there was a red blot centered in my sight wherever I looked. It was the same kind of eye-shaped blot I saw years ago when I caught the cowled figure standing over anniedonia as she slept... this time, inside the red blot, as though it's some kind of filter, I could see flickers of tiny glowing faces and fingers passing through it, but nothing so dark and threatening as that cowled shape... I blinked it off and returned to dream.
Around 11pm I woke to the rumbles of a Hardcore Summer storm and rushed down to let Scout back inside... for a time I just sat by the window, watching lightning bully the clouds...
...
Time is the enemy.
About the only aspect of this season I do like is that it usually ends just before Winter.
Of course I like some of the Summer products such as the green trees, hard-core thunder storms, insect serenades... and sometimes I even enjoy the oppressive heat and humidity that envelopes me like warm butter.
But over all, this is my least favorite time of year... it depresses me, irritates me... makes me wonder if I don't have a form of Seasonal Affective Disorder... I feel like hibernating.
Yesterday I smelled it, in the cool morning air; the first hint of decay, a sweet reminder that all things change... the trees are starting to shed... and as if to confirm my subtle suspicion, a cacophony of brass instruments blared out this year's marching band hopefuls at the school next door.
I figured Summer might be the reason I've been feeling down, it happened around this same time last year... and I hear some friends are going through mediocre moods too...
but it might be TIME that's affecting me/us...
Thursday was depressing for no single obvious reason...
I've been working in office 42, which has a large wall of exec-coveted windows, looking over the drab new Dorm Parking at Georgia Tech. Animators don't like light unless it's coming from behind the paper, so the windows typically remain shuttered, although sunbeams pin-prick the shades and the room gets unbcomfortable warm in the afternoon.
A month ago, 42 was Dawud's new office and hosted a bank of Flash animators on one wall, and a bank of traditional animators on the other. The room was always bustling with people, and offered opportunities to talk with a variety of artists and animators...
But everybody has been moved around and now this office is empty except for a handful of animation wheels and one contractor; Me. There was an intern named Benji, but he left on Wednesday...
So, it was lonely yesterday, just me and my headphones, and that didn't lighten my mood. I left work earlier than normal thinking it might be nice to just come home and take care of some things...
When I got home, I found Scout had barfed twice in the kitchen. I let her out and before I could get around to mopping the mess, kungfoogirl huffed in with a few arm loads of stuff, (whenever I see her like this, burdened and bustling, she reminds me of a tiny, disgruntled Hagrid -with much less hair!... Most of the time she just reminds me of Harry.). She seemed irritable, which is common these days (I always assume that it's the Atlanta rush-hour traffic), but she vented to me that she was sick of coming home to a cluttered mess and that there's not enough TIME to deal with all it... it's never-ending.
... I'm sure Scout's donation didn't help her mood.
In a recent post she more clearly expressed her irritation ...she's paraphrased the feeling I had when working two jobs and still being unable to make ends meet... life was leaking from me like heat from a dead body... just a fading memory of my existence...and nothing could slow it.
While I fully agreed with her, I wasn't in a state of mind to deal with more negativity, so I came down to the cluttered art room and lay down on the floor to meditate... later, feeling cold and cramped, I moved my body upstairs and continued meditations/sleep in my own room.
At one point I surfaced, eyes flickering open... there was a red blot centered in my sight wherever I looked. It was the same kind of eye-shaped blot I saw years ago when I caught the cowled figure standing over anniedonia as she slept... this time, inside the red blot, as though it's some kind of filter, I could see flickers of tiny glowing faces and fingers passing through it, but nothing so dark and threatening as that cowled shape... I blinked it off and returned to dream.
Around 11pm I woke to the rumbles of a Hardcore Summer storm and rushed down to let Scout back inside... for a time I just sat by the window, watching lightning bully the clouds...
...
Time is the enemy.