(no subject)

[starzz133]

i love so much. this weekend really showed me that in a laughably cheesy way. i didnt know i was capable of loving so deeply, and feeling so myself, and so good and happy and right. but that the way i felt this weekend. im reflecting, putting the weekend in past tense even though i still have one more day (what a good man that colombus guy), mostly because tomorrow is dedicated to homework and reccuperation. im not going to give a play by play of the weekend, just highlights for my own sake, and not in any particular order.

- sarah h/u with ben levin (hahahahaha)
- anshei chesed=crazy hippy shul with awesome australian speaker
- dancing at BJ, almost grabbed Faith's (debbie-seiden-responses-to-terrorism-faith) hand in the circle
- post-modern painting nap session on the sidewalk
- josh friedman witnessing nicole's gastro-intestinal performance
- reconciled with adam
- endless cult-like girl sessions (shirah im liviya)
- all of the carlbach experience
- danny's hooter's suprise birthday bash/soft porn photography in his living room
- "walk" with dembys
- atseres
- livi's dad's cooking

so much more happened, so many nuancy undefinable things. i had an incredible time, needless to say. more than i expected-- everything i wanted. i realized this awhile ago, i am a completelly different person outside of long beach, im happier, im more comfortable in my own head and especially in my own skin. when im home i break out with a dozen different insecurities, i develop so many issues with myself, i put barriers between the me i love and the me i am here. i dont want to do that anymore, i want everyone to see what i know, what my camp friends know (i hate calling them that). im going to try if i had a clue how to go about doing that.

but on a more grounded note, im completelly one hundred percent broke. i dont know how it happened. i need a job, achshav.