(no subject)
There's a poison in my head I can't get out
Black tar all throughout my body
Fine fine fine
I'm doing fine
I wake up and there's your memory
FAded and pale like a ghost
We talk but you don't listen
I talk but you don't listen
I say
Didn't you used to say this was the best part of your day?
Your face to the wall
You refuse to look at me
If you don't look you can't see
The string holding me together
Don't you want to pull it?
You're angry, frustrated
Because I cannot brush myself off
And call it a day
I'm upset, hurt
Because you're angry, frustrated
Because you don't don't don't
Just don't care enough to try anymore
Try, just try a little harder
Look, I'm trying for both of us
Watch me juggle with our past, present, and future
I think I dropped them all
With one push
You gave me one push
And my balancing act fell
Down down down
Fine fine fine
I'm doing fine
Just wondering why you're doing so fine
That's all
One Two Three Four thousand months go by
Here I sit in the corner
Clutching my pen
Visions of you
HOw can you be changed when you still smell the same?
Still laugh the same?
Still look, wink, smile the same?
Everything the same except how you look at me
Empty, curtained
It's no longer my responsibility
My privledge
To draw them back and peer through
Nothing
You have nothing to say to me
I have nothing to say to you
Except "how are you?" "what's up?" "what's going on?"
With always the same answer
"work."
This takes work
It takes work to love someone
Especially someone who doesn't lov eyou anymore
did you?
Does that word scare you?
Look at me, I'm not scary
All I wanted to do was help
I kept picking up stuff but I didn't know where it went
You say "stop that you're in the way"
And then are surprised when I drop it
And it falls to the ground
Splits open
And breaks
Fine fine fine
"I'm doing fine"
You want me to say
But for some reason
I never could lie to you
I think you hate me for that
Remember me?
I was the girl you thought you fixed
Why are you so surprised that it didn't take?
You can't get better if your medicine refuses to cooperate
They say I don't need you
They say I'll be fine fine fine
But I think I've got a fever
Something in me is a little sick
And no one knows what the hell to do with me
You say it was never the issue
How much I loved you
So was the real issue
HOw much you loved me?
I'm just curious of course
Inquiring minds want to know
Just have to know
Solid reasons why
So we know what to blame
Otherwise we'll blame ourselves, you know
Heaven knows you don't want the blame
No one wants the responsibility
Though everyone loves to give advice
Before you tell me to be strong
Think back on how I help you
Tight
Screeching
Sobbing
Like a five year old child
The endless letters I sent you
Begging you
To change your mind
The phone calls
The visits
The endless dissapointments
Think back on all these things
And realize the strength that I have
That you will never know
To be torn from the inside out
All this time
And still be able to smile
And deliver that little lie
Fine fine fine
I'm doing fine
-9/18/05
Black tar all throughout my body
Fine fine fine
I'm doing fine
I wake up and there's your memory
FAded and pale like a ghost
We talk but you don't listen
I talk but you don't listen
I say
Didn't you used to say this was the best part of your day?
Your face to the wall
You refuse to look at me
If you don't look you can't see
The string holding me together
Don't you want to pull it?
You're angry, frustrated
Because I cannot brush myself off
And call it a day
I'm upset, hurt
Because you're angry, frustrated
Because you don't don't don't
Just don't care enough to try anymore
Try, just try a little harder
Look, I'm trying for both of us
Watch me juggle with our past, present, and future
I think I dropped them all
With one push
You gave me one push
And my balancing act fell
Down down down
Fine fine fine
I'm doing fine
Just wondering why you're doing so fine
That's all
One Two Three Four thousand months go by
Here I sit in the corner
Clutching my pen
Visions of you
HOw can you be changed when you still smell the same?
Still laugh the same?
Still look, wink, smile the same?
Everything the same except how you look at me
Empty, curtained
It's no longer my responsibility
My privledge
To draw them back and peer through
Nothing
You have nothing to say to me
I have nothing to say to you
Except "how are you?" "what's up?" "what's going on?"
With always the same answer
"work."
This takes work
It takes work to love someone
Especially someone who doesn't lov eyou anymore
did you?
Does that word scare you?
Look at me, I'm not scary
All I wanted to do was help
I kept picking up stuff but I didn't know where it went
You say "stop that you're in the way"
And then are surprised when I drop it
And it falls to the ground
Splits open
And breaks
Fine fine fine
"I'm doing fine"
You want me to say
But for some reason
I never could lie to you
I think you hate me for that
Remember me?
I was the girl you thought you fixed
Why are you so surprised that it didn't take?
You can't get better if your medicine refuses to cooperate
They say I don't need you
They say I'll be fine fine fine
But I think I've got a fever
Something in me is a little sick
And no one knows what the hell to do with me
You say it was never the issue
How much I loved you
So was the real issue
HOw much you loved me?
I'm just curious of course
Inquiring minds want to know
Just have to know
Solid reasons why
So we know what to blame
Otherwise we'll blame ourselves, you know
Heaven knows you don't want the blame
No one wants the responsibility
Though everyone loves to give advice
Before you tell me to be strong
Think back on how I help you
Tight
Screeching
Sobbing
Like a five year old child
The endless letters I sent you
Begging you
To change your mind
The phone calls
The visits
The endless dissapointments
Think back on all these things
And realize the strength that I have
That you will never know
To be torn from the inside out
All this time
And still be able to smile
And deliver that little lie
Fine fine fine
I'm doing fine
-9/18/05