(no subject)
Dear Internet,
I have been so concentrated on moving forward that I didn't take any time to stop and realize that I am in fact, just moving sideways. I turned 28 a week ago. Disillusioned with the dreadful results of a three year long quixotic pursuit, I decided to join an online dating community, most likely another lateral action. I'm conversing more but I feel like the site works too well. They put two individuals together who have just a few basic things in common, one of which is that they are just desperate enough to create an online profile. Suddenly there you are, you have someone, someone to make you forget what you originally wanted. Someone who's undying need to give and receive affection negatively impacts your own personal well being as you slowly stop caring about things like making it to the gym, eating healthy, or growing in any form as an individual. Your sudden focus is on making a completely fabricated relationship into what you "always desired". Have fun stuffing that large cube into a small circular hole.
I don't want to give up. I don't want to get stuck with the first decent man who comes my way. I'm sure he deserves someone special but he needs to admit that to himself first before begging the internet for help. That isn't to say that my online presence is entirely blameless either, it isn't by any means. But perhaps one needs to evaluate themselves further to determine if their online profile isn't just a plea to end a seemingly constant solitary state. I've never been much of a believer in time, more specifically that I have any to spare. But I can't help but think it is too soon for me to give up. Perhaps this period of uncertainty is what is actually shaping my entire existence. Perhaps, attaching one to another is really just merger of selves- thus the loss of an individual.
Now that I've inadvertently added 'jump off a bridge' to everyone's to-do list, I'm going to go watch some sappy romantic comedy from the 80's and pretend for a second that I am younger and the world is still filled with possibility.
I have been so concentrated on moving forward that I didn't take any time to stop and realize that I am in fact, just moving sideways. I turned 28 a week ago. Disillusioned with the dreadful results of a three year long quixotic pursuit, I decided to join an online dating community, most likely another lateral action. I'm conversing more but I feel like the site works too well. They put two individuals together who have just a few basic things in common, one of which is that they are just desperate enough to create an online profile. Suddenly there you are, you have someone, someone to make you forget what you originally wanted. Someone who's undying need to give and receive affection negatively impacts your own personal well being as you slowly stop caring about things like making it to the gym, eating healthy, or growing in any form as an individual. Your sudden focus is on making a completely fabricated relationship into what you "always desired". Have fun stuffing that large cube into a small circular hole.
I don't want to give up. I don't want to get stuck with the first decent man who comes my way. I'm sure he deserves someone special but he needs to admit that to himself first before begging the internet for help. That isn't to say that my online presence is entirely blameless either, it isn't by any means. But perhaps one needs to evaluate themselves further to determine if their online profile isn't just a plea to end a seemingly constant solitary state. I've never been much of a believer in time, more specifically that I have any to spare. But I can't help but think it is too soon for me to give up. Perhaps this period of uncertainty is what is actually shaping my entire existence. Perhaps, attaching one to another is really just merger of selves- thus the loss of an individual.
Now that I've inadvertently added 'jump off a bridge' to everyone's to-do list, I'm going to go watch some sappy romantic comedy from the 80's and pretend for a second that I am younger and the world is still filled with possibility.