This has been a rough week.
Friday, Feb. 8, was my 26th birthday. Mom's nurse had come by in the early afternoon to check on her and wanted her to go to the hospital. Mom chose to stay at home despite being told that she wasn't producing enough blood and should at least go in for a couple of nights to receive some fluids and blood. Well, as tough a decision as it was, my stepdad decided to go with what she wanted, and the nurse told us she could have a pain pill every 3 to 4 hours if she wanted them. I don't think she took too many, but I was up 3 or 4 times during the night to see why she was moaning and if I could help her in any way. The last time I was up was around 5am, she wanted a pill, hadn't been but almost 3 hours but I gave it to her anyway. This was ok, though...my stepdad had talked to her around 1pm, but at almost 2, he called me in there with panic in his voice. She was completely unresponsive, so I told him to get the hospice people on the phone while I attempted to detect breathing, a pulse, or anything that would mean she's alive. I felt a very faint pulse in the neck, and she was still warm, so I attempted to get a blood pressure reading. I only heard anything around 50, so it was 50 over palpitations...this meant the blood was still moving through her body but slowly because her heart wasn't beating. Being a weekend, the hospice didn't have nurses in the office, or any staff...and the nurse on call had been summoned to pull a mandatory shift at the hospital, so she had to obtain clearance to leave. Plus, the hospital is about 45 minutes from here...I told him to inform her he was calling the ambulance. I also told him when he was on the phone with the dispatcher to use the phrase "confirm vitals, load and go". The dispatcher asked what type of certification I had, and sent a truck immediately since there was one waiting for a call at the rescue house...only about 10 blocks away basically...they got here within 5 minutes of him saying load and go. Unfortunately, she was gone...pronounced DOA at 2:30pm. The rest of Saturday was a blur or people coming in and out, food and paper products coming in, money being passed around for the various things we needed, and cops, nurses, and other sundry hospice staff coming and going. I had to get out of the craziness, so I went with a friend over to one of mom's cousin's place to just kinda chill and try to relax. Sunday was just as crazy with the people coming and going, and making phone calls to notify as many people as we could think of. We went to the funeral home to choose the casket and vault, the poem for the memorial and all that...so many things to choose but I'm sure we did a good job. Mom loved red roses, so we got the removable red rose corner pieces so that my stepdad, my sisters, and myself would get one of them each. We also chose a hardwood casket with a beautiful grain pattern and the panel that said "mother" above a pink rose...the vault was concrete with enamel waterproofing in pink, with a rose on top below the nameplate...we had to locate a bunch of pictures for the slideshow video tribute, talk with the Rev. from the church she was last a member of to get all the things together to try and have a beautiful ceremony for her. From Saturday to Wednesday, when she was buried, I can't recall how many relatives I saw, who all I spoke to, or even much of shopping for black clothes for the girls, since most of the younger one's clothes weren't really dressy enough. We had to figure out who would be the pallbearers, since the majority of the older men in Mom's and my stepdad's families have back problems or knee issues, but we finally got a mix of stepdad's brothers and a nephew, Honey, and Mom's younger brother's boys. The snotty, spoiled, rich bitch of an aunt even showed up, and brought her daughters. Wow, is all I can say about the older one...she looks like she could be a supermodel, but she says that she's a junior at one of the 4 yr. universities, majoring in Psychology...and she was decked out in designer clothes.
The viewing was kind of packed, so its a good thing it was held in the chapel...plenty of seating...which was really great for all the elderly in the family that turned up, plus it allowed people to be out of the way of the casket and flowers so others could have the chance to have a look. People were slipping money to my stepdad all night, even women...and Mom's sister even brought some beautiful silver and zirconia cross charms on silver chains for me and my sisters, as well as a bracelet for each of us, which we all put them on....well, I didn't put on the bracelet, since it was a bit on the gaudy side...perhaps I can pawn it off on a friend or cousin later...I was shocked at how nice she was being, and her girls seemed genuinely happy to see us, even though the reason for the visit was a terrible one.
Wednesday brought one final private viewing so that we could place a letter, a picture of the 4 of us dressed in our funeral clothes, and a snowman "I love Mom" ornament that we had chosen for her, as well as a red rose from each of us and one for her older brother. Then a potluck lunch at the church, followed by the funeral service in the chapel and the graveside service in the mausoleum at the cemetery. Everything was so beautiful and I felt Mom's presence there, almost as if she was sitting right there with my stepdad the whole time. Perhaps she was....my youngest sister said she wasn't crying because she felt as though Mom was hugging her and keeping her calm. I never know whether someone really feels things like that, or if their subconscious is projecting it to them...but if that concept kept her stable, then perhaps its a good thing. We had them put her in the suit she got after she left the hospital the second time, because she wanted to wear it somewhere so badly....and some of her favorite pieces of jewelry, despite that they were some of the most expensive pieces of the collection.
I want to thank the friends from Roanoke and Richmond that showed up, mainly because of the lengthy drive they made. I'm also glad that a few of my more local friends were around when they could be. All the flowers that were sent were wonderful, and I'm sure Mom would have loved each arrangement even if they had no red or pink to be found. When my father died, my stepmom didn't share much of the final expenses with me, just that the monetary gifts she had received from various people or businesses wound up paying for most of it, leaving only about a fourth of the costs to be paid by her, which they allowed her to make a payment schedule based on her monthly disability payments...also, the hospital took care of the majority of the bill, because of the staph infection he had gotten from someone reinserting the tube that had been down his throat to suck fluid out of his lungs and he pulled it out. I guess they were afraid of a lawsuit, which my aunt and I had suggested. Our thinking in that was that had he not gotten the infection, he probably wouldn't have gotten a high enough fever to cause the stroke, which would have likely meant that he could have recovered. The only really lucky thing was that he didn't really trust the banks, and he had money stockpiled in various places in the house, and as we were searching for all the guns, collector knives, and other valuables, we found several of the stash spots. She found a great deal of hidden money, I never found out how much any of it was, since she and a friend just gathered it and counted/sorted it out. I know she gave me quite a large chunk due to staying with her for awhile and then bought me a car for a little over $1K when the one I had decided to die on me. I had tried to get a few shifts with my old boss to earn a little bit of cash to help pay for the car, but unfortunately he kept saying he didn't really need anything covered at any of his stores. I did fill in a couple of shifts at the Diner I worked at in high school, but I didn't get too much from that. But anyway, this was almost 4 years ago...and I wasn't quite done discussing Mom....
The obituary, which is to follow shortly, was placed in the paper for the hometown, as well as the paper for the nearest city, since Mom had some friends there, as well as that being the location of the hospitals, her dr's office, and the hospice. I feel like we left out some things, now that I've had time to reflect on it. Other obituaries I've read have usually included the nieces and nephews, which she had 2 nieces from her sister and 4 nephews from the younger brother...the older brother hasn't been married yet and has no known children. He was in the military, so I honestly don't believe he's still a virgin...but he claims he has no kids, so we didn't ask that little personal question of whether it was even possible. So, although we didn't have much time to think about the obituary, I think we managed to get as much in there as possible. Here it is, I'm putting it in here so that it doesn't get lost anytime soon. The city's paper had to split it up into two different columns, which made clipping it out a bit difficult. I haven't actually seen a copy of the local paper yet to see whether their print is more scrapbook friendly, but they did put it in the online version of the paper, so I've decided to copy/paste it in here for safekeeping.
Karen Shields Ewing, 50, of 1101 Eighth Street, Altavista, died Saturday, February 9, 2008, at her home. She was the wife of Terry Lee Ewing.
Born March 20, 1957, in Winston-Salem, N.C.,, she was a daughter of the late Wesley Edward and Mary Gibson Shields.
She was a member of Clement Memorial Wesleyan Church and a former employee of Burlington Industries/Klopman Division.
She possessed a great love for flower gardening, enjoying the outdoors, and cooking.
In addition to her husband, she is survived by three daughters, Jennifer Hall, Jessica Ewing, and Marisa Ewing, all of Altavista; two brothers, Eddie Shields of Altavista and Dwayne Shields of Lynchburg; and a sister, Sharon Kubat of Staunton.
A funeral service was conducted at 2 p.m. Wednesday, February 13, at the Finch & Finch Funeral Home Chapel, Altavista, by the Rev. Fred Flatten. Burial followed in Altavista Memorial Park.
There you have it...its estimated at the current time that her funeral and such cost a bit over $10K, plus my stepdad went ahead and secured the adjacent burial plot for himself...we went over there Thursday afternoon to place some long stem red roses at her head for Valentine's Day, which had been one of her favorite holidays. My youngest sister and I both made ours shorter by getting rid of most of the stem, while the other sister and their dad kept them long....and we stuck them into the soft dirt, short ones beside the temporary grave marker, and the longer ones beside those to sort of add to her marker. My stepdad got a little chatty with a family that came to place flowers on someone's grave that was nearby...which sort of made my sisters and I a little nervous...but he was still alright to drive us home.
We went shopping after that, to get us a few things to help us get through the next while. The middle sister got herself a Nintendo DS and a couple of games, and decided to save the rest of her money for later. The youngest got herself one of those as well, but only one game, and an accoustic guitar...unfortunately, it didn't come with a book, nor could they find one. Being that it was Valentine's, Honey had accompanied us, and the intention was to shop at one of the stores with them, then go to one of our favorite stores together and go out for a private dinner. Honey apparently didn't remember the intention, and almost got us stuck eating with them anyway...fortunately, my stepdad understood why we preferred to eat by ourselves. I've been basically stuck in the house since Saturday, and although I've had Honey and several friends around me, I haven't had any time for myself. So, I stayed home tonight, despite him nearly begging me to go home with him. I have promised to spend the next night with him, though....I just wanted to have my room to myself tonight, and think about things...so yea. I still have insomnia...which I'm hoping will soon disappear, or it will make attending school and looking for a job a bit difficult. Well, I'm done here. Thanks for reading, and I hope I didn't bore people to tears.
The viewing was kind of packed, so its a good thing it was held in the chapel...plenty of seating...which was really great for all the elderly in the family that turned up, plus it allowed people to be out of the way of the casket and flowers so others could have the chance to have a look. People were slipping money to my stepdad all night, even women...and Mom's sister even brought some beautiful silver and zirconia cross charms on silver chains for me and my sisters, as well as a bracelet for each of us, which we all put them on....well, I didn't put on the bracelet, since it was a bit on the gaudy side...perhaps I can pawn it off on a friend or cousin later...I was shocked at how nice she was being, and her girls seemed genuinely happy to see us, even though the reason for the visit was a terrible one.
Wednesday brought one final private viewing so that we could place a letter, a picture of the 4 of us dressed in our funeral clothes, and a snowman "I love Mom" ornament that we had chosen for her, as well as a red rose from each of us and one for her older brother. Then a potluck lunch at the church, followed by the funeral service in the chapel and the graveside service in the mausoleum at the cemetery. Everything was so beautiful and I felt Mom's presence there, almost as if she was sitting right there with my stepdad the whole time. Perhaps she was....my youngest sister said she wasn't crying because she felt as though Mom was hugging her and keeping her calm. I never know whether someone really feels things like that, or if their subconscious is projecting it to them...but if that concept kept her stable, then perhaps its a good thing. We had them put her in the suit she got after she left the hospital the second time, because she wanted to wear it somewhere so badly....and some of her favorite pieces of jewelry, despite that they were some of the most expensive pieces of the collection.
I want to thank the friends from Roanoke and Richmond that showed up, mainly because of the lengthy drive they made. I'm also glad that a few of my more local friends were around when they could be. All the flowers that were sent were wonderful, and I'm sure Mom would have loved each arrangement even if they had no red or pink to be found. When my father died, my stepmom didn't share much of the final expenses with me, just that the monetary gifts she had received from various people or businesses wound up paying for most of it, leaving only about a fourth of the costs to be paid by her, which they allowed her to make a payment schedule based on her monthly disability payments...also, the hospital took care of the majority of the bill, because of the staph infection he had gotten from someone reinserting the tube that had been down his throat to suck fluid out of his lungs and he pulled it out. I guess they were afraid of a lawsuit, which my aunt and I had suggested. Our thinking in that was that had he not gotten the infection, he probably wouldn't have gotten a high enough fever to cause the stroke, which would have likely meant that he could have recovered. The only really lucky thing was that he didn't really trust the banks, and he had money stockpiled in various places in the house, and as we were searching for all the guns, collector knives, and other valuables, we found several of the stash spots. She found a great deal of hidden money, I never found out how much any of it was, since she and a friend just gathered it and counted/sorted it out. I know she gave me quite a large chunk due to staying with her for awhile and then bought me a car for a little over $1K when the one I had decided to die on me. I had tried to get a few shifts with my old boss to earn a little bit of cash to help pay for the car, but unfortunately he kept saying he didn't really need anything covered at any of his stores. I did fill in a couple of shifts at the Diner I worked at in high school, but I didn't get too much from that. But anyway, this was almost 4 years ago...and I wasn't quite done discussing Mom....
The obituary, which is to follow shortly, was placed in the paper for the hometown, as well as the paper for the nearest city, since Mom had some friends there, as well as that being the location of the hospitals, her dr's office, and the hospice. I feel like we left out some things, now that I've had time to reflect on it. Other obituaries I've read have usually included the nieces and nephews, which she had 2 nieces from her sister and 4 nephews from the younger brother...the older brother hasn't been married yet and has no known children. He was in the military, so I honestly don't believe he's still a virgin...but he claims he has no kids, so we didn't ask that little personal question of whether it was even possible. So, although we didn't have much time to think about the obituary, I think we managed to get as much in there as possible. Here it is, I'm putting it in here so that it doesn't get lost anytime soon. The city's paper had to split it up into two different columns, which made clipping it out a bit difficult. I haven't actually seen a copy of the local paper yet to see whether their print is more scrapbook friendly, but they did put it in the online version of the paper, so I've decided to copy/paste it in here for safekeeping.
Karen Shields Ewing, 50, of 1101 Eighth Street, Altavista, died Saturday, February 9, 2008, at her home. She was the wife of Terry Lee Ewing.
Born March 20, 1957, in Winston-Salem, N.C.,, she was a daughter of the late Wesley Edward and Mary Gibson Shields.
She was a member of Clement Memorial Wesleyan Church and a former employee of Burlington Industries/Klopman Division.
She possessed a great love for flower gardening, enjoying the outdoors, and cooking.
In addition to her husband, she is survived by three daughters, Jennifer Hall, Jessica Ewing, and Marisa Ewing, all of Altavista; two brothers, Eddie Shields of Altavista and Dwayne Shields of Lynchburg; and a sister, Sharon Kubat of Staunton.
A funeral service was conducted at 2 p.m. Wednesday, February 13, at the Finch & Finch Funeral Home Chapel, Altavista, by the Rev. Fred Flatten. Burial followed in Altavista Memorial Park.
There you have it...its estimated at the current time that her funeral and such cost a bit over $10K, plus my stepdad went ahead and secured the adjacent burial plot for himself...we went over there Thursday afternoon to place some long stem red roses at her head for Valentine's Day, which had been one of her favorite holidays. My youngest sister and I both made ours shorter by getting rid of most of the stem, while the other sister and their dad kept them long....and we stuck them into the soft dirt, short ones beside the temporary grave marker, and the longer ones beside those to sort of add to her marker. My stepdad got a little chatty with a family that came to place flowers on someone's grave that was nearby...which sort of made my sisters and I a little nervous...but he was still alright to drive us home.
We went shopping after that, to get us a few things to help us get through the next while. The middle sister got herself a Nintendo DS and a couple of games, and decided to save the rest of her money for later. The youngest got herself one of those as well, but only one game, and an accoustic guitar...unfortunately, it didn't come with a book, nor could they find one. Being that it was Valentine's, Honey had accompanied us, and the intention was to shop at one of the stores with them, then go to one of our favorite stores together and go out for a private dinner. Honey apparently didn't remember the intention, and almost got us stuck eating with them anyway...fortunately, my stepdad understood why we preferred to eat by ourselves. I've been basically stuck in the house since Saturday, and although I've had Honey and several friends around me, I haven't had any time for myself. So, I stayed home tonight, despite him nearly begging me to go home with him. I have promised to spend the next night with him, though....I just wanted to have my room to myself tonight, and think about things...so yea. I still have insomnia...which I'm hoping will soon disappear, or it will make attending school and looking for a job a bit difficult. Well, I'm done here. Thanks for reading, and I hope I didn't bore people to tears.