Loneliness is my muse
I feel lonely. I feel like writing. I guess I never noticed how often those two things coincide. I want to write down my personal philosophy. You know, my own personal view of the world and it's inhabitance. There is much to write. I guess I'm a little daunted by the project, but I want to do it.
I feel like I lack the motivation to really do it. At least right now. I need lots of time too. When do I ever get lots of time? All the same I feel... called to do it. I don't know why. Maybe I should take a week off work at some point and just do it all at once. Or maybe I'll find a way to do it in parts. What do you think? Should I do it? Would you read it? Does anyone still read my journal anyway?
It's weird. I feel like this project is for me, but not for me at the same time. Maybe writing about doing it will make it more real and get me actually working on it. Maybe instead of doing it in paper form (i.e. as I would if writing a paper for school), I should do it as a blog.
oh, and if anyone reading this doesn't know. I'm a Latter-Day Saint (LDS, also known as Mormon). Go here if you want to know what that means. I'll answer any questions posed to me about it. I'm good at that.
Though, really, I make a poor example of a Mormon. The rest of my journal makes pretty good evidence of that. ::sigh:: I really want to shine, like Dad always said...but I keep finding out just how weak I am, which is odd for me because I always thought I was strong. To be fair I am strong in some ways. I just have been frequently very conscious, lately, of the things I'm not doing right. Which, I suppose, is better than not knowing, but then it sometimes feels daunting. Like when I first was trying to learn to read in kindergarten. I thought the task insurmountable, but of course, I did it. Hopefully, learning to live my life right will prove to be similar.
...the Holy Ghost is really precious. I sometimes look at the plan of happiness and just am in awe of how beautiful it is. God really loves us a lot.
I was thinking today about the fact that we are children of God. I wonder how people would react if I introduced myself as "Nathan Shaskin, Child of God". Maybe I'll try that sometime.
It's really remarkable if you think about it. I am a child of God. God's child. My Father is a god. The God. If God created my spirit (and He has), I wonder how much like Him I am. I know I'm much like my earthly father. And my spirit is more...me than my body is. I wonder how often He looks at us and sees Himself reflected in us. (my spirit whispers the answer: (or is it that my spirit hears the answer?) Everyday.)
Since God is the King of Heaven, I suppose that makes me a prince. Royalty.
Gah, I guess I should start acting like it.
I am reminded of a part in the movie the Sixth Sense... ah, I do have the internet, so I'll quote it.
" LYNN
Cole, that's very wrong. Grandma's
gone. You know that.
COLE
I know.
Beat.
COLE
She wanted me to tell you--
LYNN
(soft)
Cole, please stop.
COLE
She wanted me to tell you, she saw
you dance.
Lynn's eyes lock on Cole's.
COLE
She said when you were little, you
and her had a fight right before
your dance recital. You thought
she didn't come to see you dance.
She did.
Lynn brings her hands to her mouth.
COLE
She hid in the back so you wouldn't
see... She said you were like an
angel.
Lynn begins to cry.
COLE
She said, you came to her where
they buried her. Asked her a
question... She said the answer is
"Everyday."
Lynn covers her face with her hands. The tears roll out through
her fingers.
COLE
(whispers)
What did you ask?
Beat. Lynn looks at her son. She barely gets the words out.
LYNN
(crying)
Do I make her proud?
Cole moves closer to Lynn. She cradles him in her arms. Mother
and son hold each other tight." (quoted from here)
I wonder if God would say the same about me. ...or my earthly father. I wonder what he would say.
I feel like I lack the motivation to really do it. At least right now. I need lots of time too. When do I ever get lots of time? All the same I feel... called to do it. I don't know why. Maybe I should take a week off work at some point and just do it all at once. Or maybe I'll find a way to do it in parts. What do you think? Should I do it? Would you read it? Does anyone still read my journal anyway?
It's weird. I feel like this project is for me, but not for me at the same time. Maybe writing about doing it will make it more real and get me actually working on it. Maybe instead of doing it in paper form (i.e. as I would if writing a paper for school), I should do it as a blog.
oh, and if anyone reading this doesn't know. I'm a Latter-Day Saint (LDS, also known as Mormon). Go here if you want to know what that means. I'll answer any questions posed to me about it. I'm good at that.
Though, really, I make a poor example of a Mormon. The rest of my journal makes pretty good evidence of that. ::sigh:: I really want to shine, like Dad always said...but I keep finding out just how weak I am, which is odd for me because I always thought I was strong. To be fair I am strong in some ways. I just have been frequently very conscious, lately, of the things I'm not doing right. Which, I suppose, is better than not knowing, but then it sometimes feels daunting. Like when I first was trying to learn to read in kindergarten. I thought the task insurmountable, but of course, I did it. Hopefully, learning to live my life right will prove to be similar.
...the Holy Ghost is really precious. I sometimes look at the plan of happiness and just am in awe of how beautiful it is. God really loves us a lot.
I was thinking today about the fact that we are children of God. I wonder how people would react if I introduced myself as "Nathan Shaskin, Child of God". Maybe I'll try that sometime.
It's really remarkable if you think about it. I am a child of God. God's child. My Father is a god. The God. If God created my spirit (and He has), I wonder how much like Him I am. I know I'm much like my earthly father. And my spirit is more...me than my body is. I wonder how often He looks at us and sees Himself reflected in us. (my spirit whispers the answer: (or is it that my spirit hears the answer?) Everyday.)
Since God is the King of Heaven, I suppose that makes me a prince. Royalty.
Gah, I guess I should start acting like it.
I am reminded of a part in the movie the Sixth Sense... ah, I do have the internet, so I'll quote it.
" LYNN
Cole, that's very wrong. Grandma's
gone. You know that.
COLE
I know.
Beat.
COLE
She wanted me to tell you--
LYNN
(soft)
Cole, please stop.
COLE
She wanted me to tell you, she saw
you dance.
Lynn's eyes lock on Cole's.
COLE
She said when you were little, you
and her had a fight right before
your dance recital. You thought
she didn't come to see you dance.
She did.
Lynn brings her hands to her mouth.
COLE
She hid in the back so you wouldn't
see... She said you were like an
angel.
Lynn begins to cry.
COLE
She said, you came to her where
they buried her. Asked her a
question... She said the answer is
"Everyday."
Lynn covers her face with her hands. The tears roll out through
her fingers.
COLE
(whispers)
What did you ask?
Beat. Lynn looks at her son. She barely gets the words out.
LYNN
(crying)
Do I make her proud?
Cole moves closer to Lynn. She cradles him in her arms. Mother
and son hold each other tight." (quoted from here)
I wonder if God would say the same about me. ...or my earthly father. I wonder what he would say.