(no subject)
stress has been getting the best of me lately.
ive had the choice of going and staying with my friend at her parents house,
well i still havent ruled this out all though i really dont want to stay there.
her family is religious and her parents are extremely strict.
i am an adult and i dont think its necessary to have a curfew and not being able to
have my boyfriend come over.
so if i stay there, it be out of desperation.
plus she is so boy crazy it makes me sick,
i was lucky enough not to get that trait,
but i have had my fair share of male infatuation.
i just never really whined about a guy unless i had a real legitamate reason to.
those are just little things that are getting on my nerves, but the big picture of it all is that
im not making enough money being on this workers comp shit and the hours i worked before
surgery was enough money to give ben and i a nice night, and i know i could have put that money toward other
things but when you dont have much and are having to live so simply, it kind of gets to be like MONEY!
how quick can i spend it?
im starting to think more logically in this state, and i decided to cancel one of my credit cards, which i did yesterday,
and i am also going to try to refinance my car, and get a loan for like 3 grand,
so ben and i can get into an apartment. the biggest voice in t he back of my mind on this idea is...how long until
ben gets a job. i mean, he isnt an unemployed piece of trash or anything, he is great and just like everyone,
he is going through some struggles. we are going through them together. his job back as a para-educator didnt
pan out and he is back at square one, luckily we arent worrying about his college right now, because that could have
turned out to be somewhat of a disaster. we are just trying to get out on our own, and be together. having to go home
every night and sleep sucks, let me tell you what, i hate that more than anything. that and we cant do whatever
we want whenever we want, and it really does suck. my mom hates him for no apparent reason and every time
i try to talk to her about it she gets SO MAD. its like what the fuck mom hes not dating you, and I have basically
come to the point now of if you want to stay in our life than you can if not than have fun being bitter. she doesnt have
to come to my wedding, nor does she have to ever meet her grandchildren. she can live a life of that and mine will go
on. she is just mad that im out being happy and she is staying home unhappy with my dad. which i dont realize. my dad is a pretty good guy, she just finds ways to wreck that. seems she is the reason he drinks so much. and i dont blame him. its kind of sad, that is a fairy twisted tale of love on my parents part. it took me a long time and a lot of my own experience to create my own definition of what love is, and basically, ben i dont know if you realize it, but you are it. your the glue that has put my heart back together and you make me happier than i ever have been. i dont feel like we are rushing into anything, i know i talk about a serious future quite alot, but thats because i feel like i found someone who wants to share that with me. i love everything we do, even if its laying around watching tv all day. things will get better, i promise. i cant wait to spend big holidays together, and wake up on christmas morning and open presents together. get all dressed up for halloween. all of that. send you off on your weekend trips with your guys while i stay home worrying about you, but knowing youll be perfectly ok and bake cookies or something for when you get home. i know you love those cookies. i know it may be early on in our relationship, but we are going through probably the worst of what we will have to, financially anyways, at the get-go, so when that stress is lifted, we will be even happier, and when other stuff comes up, we will be ready to face it, and face it together. im so glad neither of us has the upper hand, really. i feel like we set a good example for anyone around us and if we make babies than that will be passed on to them too. i hope so anyways. i dont want douchebag children. hahaha. well, i feel my choo choo of thought has come to an end for now.
ive had the choice of going and staying with my friend at her parents house,
well i still havent ruled this out all though i really dont want to stay there.
her family is religious and her parents are extremely strict.
i am an adult and i dont think its necessary to have a curfew and not being able to
have my boyfriend come over.
so if i stay there, it be out of desperation.
plus she is so boy crazy it makes me sick,
i was lucky enough not to get that trait,
but i have had my fair share of male infatuation.
i just never really whined about a guy unless i had a real legitamate reason to.
those are just little things that are getting on my nerves, but the big picture of it all is that
im not making enough money being on this workers comp shit and the hours i worked before
surgery was enough money to give ben and i a nice night, and i know i could have put that money toward other
things but when you dont have much and are having to live so simply, it kind of gets to be like MONEY!
how quick can i spend it?
im starting to think more logically in this state, and i decided to cancel one of my credit cards, which i did yesterday,
and i am also going to try to refinance my car, and get a loan for like 3 grand,
so ben and i can get into an apartment. the biggest voice in t he back of my mind on this idea is...how long until
ben gets a job. i mean, he isnt an unemployed piece of trash or anything, he is great and just like everyone,
he is going through some struggles. we are going through them together. his job back as a para-educator didnt
pan out and he is back at square one, luckily we arent worrying about his college right now, because that could have
turned out to be somewhat of a disaster. we are just trying to get out on our own, and be together. having to go home
every night and sleep sucks, let me tell you what, i hate that more than anything. that and we cant do whatever
we want whenever we want, and it really does suck. my mom hates him for no apparent reason and every time
i try to talk to her about it she gets SO MAD. its like what the fuck mom hes not dating you, and I have basically
come to the point now of if you want to stay in our life than you can if not than have fun being bitter. she doesnt have
to come to my wedding, nor does she have to ever meet her grandchildren. she can live a life of that and mine will go
on. she is just mad that im out being happy and she is staying home unhappy with my dad. which i dont realize. my dad is a pretty good guy, she just finds ways to wreck that. seems she is the reason he drinks so much. and i dont blame him. its kind of sad, that is a fairy twisted tale of love on my parents part. it took me a long time and a lot of my own experience to create my own definition of what love is, and basically, ben i dont know if you realize it, but you are it. your the glue that has put my heart back together and you make me happier than i ever have been. i dont feel like we are rushing into anything, i know i talk about a serious future quite alot, but thats because i feel like i found someone who wants to share that with me. i love everything we do, even if its laying around watching tv all day. things will get better, i promise. i cant wait to spend big holidays together, and wake up on christmas morning and open presents together. get all dressed up for halloween. all of that. send you off on your weekend trips with your guys while i stay home worrying about you, but knowing youll be perfectly ok and bake cookies or something for when you get home. i know you love those cookies. i know it may be early on in our relationship, but we are going through probably the worst of what we will have to, financially anyways, at the get-go, so when that stress is lifted, we will be even happier, and when other stuff comes up, we will be ready to face it, and face it together. im so glad neither of us has the upper hand, really. i feel like we set a good example for anyone around us and if we make babies than that will be passed on to them too. i hope so anyways. i dont want douchebag children. hahaha. well, i feel my choo choo of thought has come to an end for now.