this is not a poem, this is a letter to lucas
I cry when I'm vulnerable, and drink when I'm upset.
Or is it the other way around?
I don't really get to drink any more, which is good and bad.
My knees shake a little bit after I come and I'm extremely delicate for a while.
I don't deal well with reality or criticism for a good fifteen minutes or so beyond the finale... I know I'm selfish, I'm working on it.
Lately, I feel like my words are being stolen from me.
Not by plagiarists, but by lack of time to myself. I don't get to write down my feelings.
We talk about them. We talk about everything.
Sometimes I just don't want to talk. Sometimes it doesn't make things better.
When you force me to talk it out, I feel like my private thoughts are being taken, as though you were reading my bound journal without permission.
I don't get to sit there and write them out, examining them in my head before you force them out of my mouth
like a little girl who just got caught with stolen candy.
I know you're trying to help, to make me feel better. I know that you don't understand how that makes it worse.
There are some things that we can't change about each other. This is one of them.
Or is it the other way around?
I don't really get to drink any more, which is good and bad.
My knees shake a little bit after I come and I'm extremely delicate for a while.
I don't deal well with reality or criticism for a good fifteen minutes or so beyond the finale... I know I'm selfish, I'm working on it.
Lately, I feel like my words are being stolen from me.
Not by plagiarists, but by lack of time to myself. I don't get to write down my feelings.
We talk about them. We talk about everything.
Sometimes I just don't want to talk. Sometimes it doesn't make things better.
When you force me to talk it out, I feel like my private thoughts are being taken, as though you were reading my bound journal without permission.
I don't get to sit there and write them out, examining them in my head before you force them out of my mouth
like a little girl who just got caught with stolen candy.
I know you're trying to help, to make me feel better. I know that you don't understand how that makes it worse.
There are some things that we can't change about each other. This is one of them.