it's been a while, but a little sentimental <3
I don't claim to be a relationship expert by any stretch of the means. Only being in two so far, I have found that before my current one, I really had a hard time learning the lessons that I needed to learn. In that initial relationship, you're taking the plunge for the first time and hoping that things could progress into something much more. That's how I was when I got into my first relationship.
I was really optimistic about getting to know someone new and see where it took me. But while each new relationship is a learning lesson, what I took from the first one I was in is that I had no idea what makes a relationship work. For four years, I tried to make something work that just wasn't right for me. Well, initially it was right.
Kyle and I were from opposite ends of the spectrum. He was a military boy with a sense of direction of life, where I was a free spirited individual who had a sense of direction, but really no idea about where I wanted to go. I figured the opposition would make us a great balance in each other's lives. Unfortunately (or fortunately, however you look at it), our lives started taking different directions. And while for some people that could bring them together, it tore us apart. We never spoke about our problems like calm and rational individuals. Instead, both of us resorted to fighting as a means to take out the frustration.
In that fighting, lots of unnecessary words were spoken from both ends, a loss of knowing ourselves occurred, and both of us became increasingly upset with the situation. While I may have wanted things to work, I now see that I was really unhappy with what I was placed in.
I talk about this now because I now understand what a relationship should be comprised of. Before, I always shut my feelings off and stopped sharing how I really felt inside. Now, I feel that I've blossomed and bloomed into an amazing young woman. And while sometimes it's still hard to share how I feel, I know that not sharing would hinder more than help me. So now, while I do share a lot.........I want to share more.
For the first time in my life, I really feel at home. I feel like I have found that love that we always seem to dream of in life. It's still only a year into things, I know, and I'm not wanting to think about the future too much. I'm not talking marriage, but more like that love that while it could eventually blossom into future prospects, is a life-changing event. Never have I felt more appreciated or respected or loved in my life. I know that with Kyle, there was love.......but I can see it wasn't the love that was healthy. With Matt, while our life is one huge whirlwind of band shows and road trips, we always find the time for just us. And I love those moments, where no one else is looking, and the love is there.
While we express how we feel all the time, sometimes it's the unspoken moments that mean just that little bit more. Those moments I see him and I keep remembering why I fell in love with him in the first place. Those moments where it's just us harmonizing together and being calm and comfortable. Those moments when we're cooking in the kitchen and making delicious food together. Those moments where I look into his eyes and I feel like I'm home......and there's no hesitation in saying that I am where I need to be.
Our journey is an exciting one and I'm glad I get to share it with him. Because for the first time, I'm with someone who loves the me that I love. What more could I possibly ask for than that?
~Jenn~
I was really optimistic about getting to know someone new and see where it took me. But while each new relationship is a learning lesson, what I took from the first one I was in is that I had no idea what makes a relationship work. For four years, I tried to make something work that just wasn't right for me. Well, initially it was right.
Kyle and I were from opposite ends of the spectrum. He was a military boy with a sense of direction of life, where I was a free spirited individual who had a sense of direction, but really no idea about where I wanted to go. I figured the opposition would make us a great balance in each other's lives. Unfortunately (or fortunately, however you look at it), our lives started taking different directions. And while for some people that could bring them together, it tore us apart. We never spoke about our problems like calm and rational individuals. Instead, both of us resorted to fighting as a means to take out the frustration.
In that fighting, lots of unnecessary words were spoken from both ends, a loss of knowing ourselves occurred, and both of us became increasingly upset with the situation. While I may have wanted things to work, I now see that I was really unhappy with what I was placed in.
I talk about this now because I now understand what a relationship should be comprised of. Before, I always shut my feelings off and stopped sharing how I really felt inside. Now, I feel that I've blossomed and bloomed into an amazing young woman. And while sometimes it's still hard to share how I feel, I know that not sharing would hinder more than help me. So now, while I do share a lot.........I want to share more.
For the first time in my life, I really feel at home. I feel like I have found that love that we always seem to dream of in life. It's still only a year into things, I know, and I'm not wanting to think about the future too much. I'm not talking marriage, but more like that love that while it could eventually blossom into future prospects, is a life-changing event. Never have I felt more appreciated or respected or loved in my life. I know that with Kyle, there was love.......but I can see it wasn't the love that was healthy. With Matt, while our life is one huge whirlwind of band shows and road trips, we always find the time for just us. And I love those moments, where no one else is looking, and the love is there.
While we express how we feel all the time, sometimes it's the unspoken moments that mean just that little bit more. Those moments I see him and I keep remembering why I fell in love with him in the first place. Those moments where it's just us harmonizing together and being calm and comfortable. Those moments when we're cooking in the kitchen and making delicious food together. Those moments where I look into his eyes and I feel like I'm home......and there's no hesitation in saying that I am where I need to be.
Our journey is an exciting one and I'm glad I get to share it with him. Because for the first time, I'm with someone who loves the me that I love. What more could I possibly ask for than that?
~Jenn~